Thursday, February 26, 2015

Today the Wolf Became a Man

A toddler man...with the arrival of his awesome new travel bag.

It was love at first sight.  He exclaimed, "Wow!  Chase!  Rubble!  Marshall!  Pups!"  I showed him that his stuff goes inside of it.  He gathered up whatever could fit for about 15 minutes, putting it in, taking it out, saying what each item was, handling them carefully.

Then frustration came when he tried to climb inside of the bag.  He kept calling it a tent.  We kept telling him that it was a bag that goes on your back.  Eventually, after a tantrum, he understood, let us put it on him, and walked around until bedtime with it on.  So funny and adorable.

Mommy for the win.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

In Memory

"Today I want to share some of the ideas the book (After Miscarriage) offers for ritualizing a loss or memorializing the baby. It might feel right to:

  • Name the baby
    • I've often thought about naming The First, but I don't know how to go about doing it.  He's on the other side, living with our Ancestors, and he's also had interaction with his brothers.  He may already have a name.  I've thought about using the pendulum to ask him, but there's a lot of names already!  Or maybe I could ask the Ancestors what they call him?  Or ask him if he minded whatever name I pick...ed.  Probably be the easiest way to go, since he would've been named by his mom and dad anyway.  When we first found out, we already had names picked out for each gender.  We gave Wolfman the original name.  But there's a name that I always liked, that my husband didn't, "Nathan".  I guess I could ask if he likes it...
  • Get a special piece of jewelry, perhaps with the baby’s birthstone
    •  As posted about yesterday, when I get better at crochetting, I'm going to make him a memorial awareness blanket.  Probably a light blue with the pink and blue ribbon on it.  As I read the article, before I came across this idea, I thought about adding his birthstone, which would have been May...emerald.  
  • Plant a tree or other plant (trees are a popular idea, but consider what kind of gardener you are and how you’ll feel if your plant doesn’t thrive)
    • I've got a black thumb...
  • Write a poem or a prayer or the story of your pregnancy
    • I think about the pregnancy often.  No reason to re-write it.
  • Envision your baby as a person
    • I know he's in the Spirit World, growing and playing.  No need to envision him as an adult.  He'll probably get there.  I don't really know how it works.  One of my friends had a miscarriage many years ago, this past October, she got to meet her child through guided meditation that focused on meeting your ancestors.  She saw a baby, swaddled in one of her relatives' arms.  Whereas when I made contact through the pendulum, my ancestors told me he was a toddler (and a boy).  Perhaps they take on the form that brings you the most comfort? ....Plus I don't want to dwell on what could've been.
  • Donate to a charity, especially one that helps mothers or babies
    • I had thought about charities.  But when I become a better crocheter, I might look into making these memorial blankets for others.  
  • Get a tattoo
    • I've thought about a tattoo.  I already plan on getting each of my children's zodiac signs.  Capricorn (2012), Taurus (2014)...  but I don't know what The First would be.  His due date or the month he was born/returned to the Spirit World?  Perhaps I'd just do a ribbon with October 2011.
  • Release balloons
    • No need for that.
  • Light a candle
    • I light a candle for him and our Ancestors often.
  • Name a star
    • No need.
  • Keep ultrasound pictures somewhere special
    • Don't have ultrasound, only a baby book, and I do keep it someplace special, on our Ancestral Shrine, beside grandma Hester.
Or maybe none of these feels right. In many cases memorializing the baby won’t make sense and that’s ok too."

These are good ideas for others, and of course, there are more than this, like a Guided Meditation, for example.  Makes me wonder if anyone's written one of those aimed directly at contacting children?  There's also writting a letter and reading it out loud.  You could keep it, or release it in whatever way to heaven, the Summerland, the Underworld, or the Spirit World, where ever you think that the baby's soul went.  If I did this, I'd burn the letter, releasing its message to the Spirit World.  Or I'd take out my pendulum, contact him that way, read it, and keep it on the Ancestral Shrine.  For some people a burial is final.  Doesn't have to be an official burial, but it probably could be....I don't know about though.   

Yesterday, in FB Group The Pagan Mama Community, one of the admins asked us how many kids we had.  I, like many of the parents there, counted those lost (during or after pregnancy).  I have three wonderful little boys.

But it was comforting to see how many others had experienced loss.  Obviously I knew the statistics and things, but when it comes to finding resources for grieving Pagans and MU's, it's hard to find.   There's so many of us, there needs to be more support and help.  

There are books and websites, general and faith specific. I have some links above in Child Loss Resources tab.  I add as I find them.  Support for Pagan families has grown, which is good.  It's not like in 2012, when I couldn't find anything, just Christian websites.  It wasn't bad, I still found support through those sites. I found other bloggers, and eventually other Pagans.  

I'm glad that Patheos and Pagan Families often writes pieces or gives information about miscarriages and infant loss.  It's needed.  I didn't realize that it's a taboo in some faiths, cultures, and families.  It doesn't make sense to me why it would be.  But it is, which means to me that more education and awareness needs to be spread so it's not something shameful.  Those who experience loss of any type--minus certain circumstances--they need support, not judgment.  

For me, I didn't tell my family for the longest time because I was already sad, and I didn't want pity.  I'm over that.  I still don't want pity, but I am more open to how others might react.  It's not shame.  It's not pity.  It's compassion.  Sometimes I get those two confused.  Pity and compassion.  Compassion still somewhat foreign to me.  

I guess I was also afraid of indifference or someone saying something dumb, like my husband did when we first found out about the miscarriage.  When we found out we were pregnant, I'd say, "I love you time two."  When we left the office, my tactless husband said, "Well, now you can't say that you love me times two anymore."  He was trying to lighten up the situation....with an awful thing to say.  But I mean, he was also in shock and in pain.  He went through his share of depression, too, but he also had work as an distraction, whereas I had suicidal thoughts.   I was afraid of those types of comments.  My mom's side are jokers.  That's how they deal with pain and uncomfortable situations, by making jokes.  I didn't want to deal with it.  

Away from that, yesterday I found this post about What NOT to Say to someone who's had a miscarriage.  What caught my eye was an image on the writer's page of a card that says, "IT'S A MISCARRIAGE!  (better luck next time)"  I was so disgusted by that image that I almost didn't click it, but I wanted to see the sick fuck who thought that was okay.  Luckily, I found this person's post instead.  

I was lucky to only have one person say something dumb, unfortunately it hurt the most because it came from my husband.  Even though he apologized, it still hurts.  With Wolfman and Warrior, I never used that phrase again.  I won't with future pregnancies.  I feel it's bad luck.  There are a lot of things that I did with The First that I won't do with the others, from taking a certain type of pre-natal pill to taking baby yoga to planning for their futures.

Well, enough rambling.

Here's another article from Patheos: Children Who Rest with My Ancestors.
"When I first started exploring Heathenry, one idea that drew me deeply was the Disir, ancestral mothers who guarded the family.  They were warriors who protected their sons, comforting presences for their daughters in labor and motherhood, and guardians who cared for children who died." ~ Molly Khan

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Memorial Blanket

I just came across an image on facebook of a blanket with one of those Cause ribbons on it.  I didn't know Cause Blankets were a thing!  Then again, I don't know a lot of things.  What immediately popped up in my mind was making a remembrance baby blanket for the First.  I'm going to make blankets for all of my kids, even the unborn.  I only have one thing from that pregnancy, and that's a baby book that I had started filling out.  Now that I'm learning how to crochet, I think a memorial blanket with the Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbon would be perfect for the First.

(also posted on Book of Hearth & Home)

Monday, February 23, 2015

Teach Them Well

~ Southern Hemisphere Pagan ~

A bit more in depth about how important it is to understand your beliefs when teaching them to your children so that when questioned they can be confident in their answers (what I hit on in Unseen Friends and Family).  I found this very helpful with much to think about.

Get Mad, Get over It, Be supportive

I'm sitting here, watching TLC, with some show about pregnant moms and their pregnant teen daughters.  One mom is happy about her daughters pregnancy, and some people are confused by that.  It got me thinking.

I used to be on the mindset of if my teen daughter ever gets pregnant, I'd make her give the child up for adoption. (this post is about consensual sex)

I don't believe that anymore.

One, a lot of teens have sex (and many of them lie about it).  It's just life, and it doesn't always have anything to do with their upbringing or their religion.  When my kids are teens, instead of pretending like it doesn't happen, I'm going to do my mom did.  Educate them.  Teach them about sex, abolish the myths about sex, teach em about STD's (show them real pictures; we met with someone with AIDS.  We also talked to nurses and their experiences), teach them about birth control.  When I turned 16, my mom started me on the pill.  To be honest, it scared the hell out of me.  I decided that I wasn't going to lose my virginity unless I was in love, and I believed that love took longer than a few months. I lost my virginity to my now husband when I was 24, after we dated for a year.

It'd be great if I could raise my kids like that, but the truth is, who knows?  Supposedly, my grandparents waited until marriage, my mom was a teen parent who received no help and only disappointment, I waited until I was 24, who knows what the next generation's choices will be?  I can only hope that we're able to educate them properly so that they'll make good choices.  Even if they don't--they are people, individuals--get mad, get over it.  Be supportive (girls and boys; despite that this post is focusing on girls, the boys need the support, too).

Two, I imagine how the child would feel...wondering why they were put up for adoption.  Going from foster home to foster home.  Not all kids go that route; some immediately go to families who want them.  If adoption was an option, say that's the route my daughter wanted to go, we would make sure that a family was already waiting.  A good family. (I'd be supportive of any choices my daughter made, whether it's to have the child, adoption, or abortion (depending on how far along the pregnancy was).

Three, Get upset.  Be disappointed.  Do it.  But get over it.  It's not the end of the world.  It's not the end of her life.  How many childless adults don't have their lives together?  Or don't have it together until later in life?  Having a child early isn't the end of everything.  Yes, it'll make it difficult, but life is difficult, with or without a child.

I'd much rather be in a positive atmosphere when pregnant, than constantly thinking about my mistakes, constantly thinking about how disappointed my family is in me.  Outside of this scenario, my family--my mom already is disappointed in me due to my choices.  I didn't play sports.  I have learning disabilities.  I didn't go into the military.  I didn't become a police officer.  I'm obese.  I dropped out of college.  I'm a Pagan.  I'm a Stay at Home mom.  And that sucks.  I wouldn't want to do that to my child, especially when young and pregnant.

Be positive.  Show your daughter that it's not the end of the world.  Give her encouragement.  Empower her.  She can raise that child alone, if she has to.  She can get her degree, if she wants to.  She can be a success in life if she works for it.  She can have a happy marriage and family, if she wants one.

Success is not linear.  It is not what is taught in high school.  Life is not High School Graduation, College Graduation, Career, Marriage, House, Family.  That's what I was taught.  That's what was drilled into my brain.  That is unrealistic.  That is unhealthy.

That's your job as a parent.  To look past your child's mistakes (well, not all, like serious crimes) and focus on building them up, raising them to be strong, independent productive adults.  That's your job.  Not to look at them with disapproving eyes, with sadness due to your own failures--or imagined failures and guilt.  Get mad, get sad, get over it.  It's not healthy for anyone, especially that grandbaby.

Yes, if any of my kids become teen parents, I'm going to get mad, but I'm also going to be supportive, try to help them do the right thing.  Give them the encouragement and love; not judgement and guilt.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

The Little Things...

Wolfman's graduated from the diaper bag to his own bag!

Now he has his own travel/sleep over bag, instead of us using plastic bags when the diaper bag gets full.  There are pockets on the side for his cups.  He can put his clothes, diapers, extra binkie, blankie, Paw Patrol DVD, books, snacks, activity books, and favorite toys inside of it.  

I'll also be including a sealed, waterproof tag with our currant family photo, his name, our address, my uncle's name (he's an officer), and trusted family members numbers on it, too.  

Yup, then when Warrior is 2, he'll also get his own bag, decorated with his favorite thing.  And so on and so forth, with the other kid(s).  It's big step, getting your own bag.  My parents didn't do this with sleep overs, but they did with school.  Course, I don't remember them making cool back packs when I was in elementary, but lunch boxes and trapper keepers, those were the shizz.  Always got to pick out our favorites.  It made school exciting.  It's a tradition that I'm going to continue, only adding in a travel bag.  Makes it special.

When my husband was younger, their special thing for each kid was a chest with their favorite character or animal on it.  My husband had a TMNT chest/trunk, one that he kept until a few years ago when it fell apart.  He and his siblings kept their toys in their chests.  It's the little things.  It's fun and memorable.  

Hopefully now Grandma won't get confused as to whose diapers are whose.  At least until we figure out this whole potty training thing.  

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Unseen Friends and Family

Patheos: When Kids Meet the Gods

"In a culture where our kind of spirituality is either seen as demonic or ridiculously silly, reacting to a child’s description of spirits or the supernatural by dismissing their experience is an awful thing.  Growing up, I had many imaginary friends – and I wonder now how imaginary they really were, or if a society obsessed with objective reality and facts pushed me away from them." ~ Molly Khan

When I read this article, it instantly took me back to my childhood, sitting on the hill in front of my still BFF's apartment, by myself, against a tree and talking to the Spirits.  They were my friends, companions.  Then there was Hestia, who was like a step mom.  Grown ups and other kids called them imaginary friends, but I don't know that I was ever that creative.  They were real to me then, and still are.  Some have come and gone, but a couple are still around.  Some friends even stop by to check up on me, give me some reminders.  They're real to me and that's all that matters.  

When I see my kids grow, I've often seen the boys interact with someone--person or animal--that I wasn't able to see or sense.  It's not my place to make a judgement on the who or what.  I'm never going to call his friends imaginary.  For all I know, they're interacting with our Ancestors, Spirits, Guides, their Spirit Animals, or even the Gods themselves.  It's not my job to ruin his childhood and faith with my reality.

I know one person in particular who Wolfman interacts with is the baby I lost.  He's a little older than Wolfman, but had told me, through the pendulum, that they play together sometimes.  Who am I to tell my son that what's he's experiencing isn't real?  And how hypocritical would that be?  I believe in and interact with the Spirits and Deities daily, yet what my son is experiencing is wrong or fake?  What?  Get outta here with that nonsense.  

I was watching Kate Plus Eight the other day and one of her boys had said that lobsters had souls.  Kate immediately, rudely, shut him down saying that animals don't have souls.  He was defiant, saying that he believed that they did, and she pretty much mocked him.  In my opinion, that's not good parenting, then again, she's fairly controlling anyway. But I'm also controlling and I'd never tell my children that their beliefs aren't right because they're different than my own.  I'd tell them what I believe and ask them about their beliefs.  Hopefully incite some critical thought.  Have them ask me about the what's and why's, as well as question themselves.  Hopefully give them stronger conviction to their beliefs, so that when someone questions or judges them, they can give a strong answers and not be swayed by negativity.  And most importantly, not feel bad or stupid about their beliefs!

I just don't like telling a child how to imagine, play, or believe.  That's takes away the magik of the world.  The innocence.  It takes a part of them away and that's not right.

I didn't exactly have the most stable childhood, but at least my parents never told me that my beliefs were wrong.  Although they did say that my imaginary friends were just that, imaginary.  I went to Bible school, sometimes we went to church, yet I was allowed to buy my Wicca books and set up my altars.  My parents thought it was weird, but then again, it fit me.  To them it was a phase, a phase that I should be allowed to go through.  I should be allowed to express myself and explore.  I never grew out of said phase, but for the most part, they don't mock me for it.  

I don't even want to ignore my children's Unseen Friends.  I want to know about them.  What's their name?  Where are they from?  What would they like to have for lunch?  Would they like to be invited to the sabbat dinner or a ritual?  

 Like right now, my son is in the playroom talking to an Unseen Friend, probably his brother.  How do I know he's talking to someone and not just himself?  I'm around my kids 24/7, I know the differences in his voice by now, and he's in there playing with someone, other than his toys.

It's not my call, as to whether they're pretend, Spirit, or Deity.  They make him happy and feel safe.  That's what's important.  Not my job to tell him what or Who to believe in.  It's his life, his path, his choice.  

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


"Early on, we taught our oldest daughter that everyone has their own religious truths: it is okay for them to believe they are right, and it is also okay for her to believe something different.[...] They are children, and any deity worth the title won’t hold children responsible or become angry at them for following the traditions of their family."

I'm glad that this family has had success with interfaith.  I've read stories where it just doesn't work with other families.  It makes me wonder if couples even bothered to have conversations before marriage or before children, in terms of how they would teach their children faith.  That would be a top priority for me.  When dating, if I really liked someone, I was upfront with my faith and practice.  I had to be in order to know whether or not the relationship was worth keeping.  They had to be able to accept my faith.  And me, theirs.  Could there be acceptance and tolerance?  If so, then came the possibility of children.  Would they object to it?  If so, they weren't worth my time.  I'm a very spiritual person, and it's important to me to teach my children my beliefs (but allow them to form their own).  

After many failed attempts at dating, I decided that I was only dating Pagans.  Not everyone has bad experiences, clearly, but some do.  The guys I was dating either thought I was stupid, silly, crazy, or wrong.  Being a Pagan wasn't a thing, blah blah blah.  One of them wanted to debate and I walked away.  I'll share and educate, but I'm not going to debate my beliefs, especially when you're mocking me the whole time.  (I tend to wait until things get a bit more serious before I bring up children [don't want to rush things], so the kid issue never came up.)

On Myspace, when some guy emailed me, I was totally upfront with him, told him that I wasn't some easy date and that I was a Pagan and a Witch, and that I wasn't interested in being told repeatedly that my beliefs were wrong.  He was taken aback, but assured me that it wasn't the case.  We both liked Metallica, The Undertaker, and Kane, and he thought I was cool.  I could have very easily chased him away...and I think part of me tried  (i did try to hook him up with another friend).  I was just so tired of these assholes and frustrated and hurt.  I was mean to him at first, but he was determined.  Come February 24th, we'll have been together for 8 years, married for 4 years on Samhain.  Something worked out.  We're both Pagans, and we both don't have issues with how we're raising our children.  

Only thing is that he, like many Pagans, hates Christianity and thinks that their God is bullshit.  Like we were watching a show on Sunday and a hunter had that thanked God for a deer, so that she could feed their family.  He laughed at that, "Yeah, I'm sure your "God" had something to do with it."  I said to him, "How is her thanking her God for the deer any different than if I thanked Artemis?"  

"Oh, you got a point."

It's been a struggle, but I'm getting through to him that it's not okay to bash Christians for their beliefs.  You want to be accepted, you need to do the same, even if some Christians won't accept you.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  Why are your Gods real and their's bullshit?  Why is it okay for you to pray and give thanks, but not them?  It doesn't make sense, it only makes you look like an intolerant, ignorant jerk.

So not too many problems on that front.  

My family isn't too religious.  They have their beliefs, but they don't go to church (a few on my dad's side do) and for most of them, their holidays aren't focused on Jesus or God, they're often focused on family tradition and children.  My husband's family are all pretty much Christian.  Most of them go to church, I believe that my SIL's family goes daily.  All-in-all most aren't pushy with their beliefs. Except one, which is funny because he's a liar and a cheater, too. 

My step dad is a Catholic who goes to church here and there, but it's not regular--he goes very rarely on holidays, sometimes goes with his mom and aunt's, and goes on funerals.  But he's one of those types who will use treats and fear in order to convert someone to his beliefs.  He's very manipulative.  He's told me many times that my kids can't have Christmas presents unless they're converted.  Of course, my husband and I just shrug, saying that presents aren't have Yule.  My mom often rolls her eyes--She's Agnostic--and whispers that her husband's full of crap (duh, mom).  So what if Grandpa Asshole doesn't give them gifts, they get plenty from other family.  Gifts don't/shouldn't equal love.  We don't want to emphasis gifts on the sabbats, that's not their point.  

My family focus' on the kids enjoyment on their holidays, whereas we emphasis the meaning of the day on ours.  I think that's a good balance.  

I honestly don't think that we're going to have problem.  The ones who're the pushiest have no business calling themselves devout.  And I plan on educating our children about other faiths, too.  Plus we do have family and friends who're religious who aren't assholes, who wouldn't mind sharing their beliefs if asked.  

I just don't want to my kids to be like many people: assholes about their beliefs.   I don't want them to think  that it's okay to mock or bash another faith due to any reason.  Even if some disrespects you, ignore them.  They are not representing the entire faith, just themselves.  They're not worth your time. 

Overall, I want my kids to be good, compassionate, intelligent, accepting people.  

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Mini Rant

I apologize for another rant, but I need to get this out:

I literally cannot understand why some parents can't teach their kids to respect other people's homes.  Cool, they do whatever at your house, but this isn't your house.  This is my house.  We have a different set of rules.  We enforce rules. We expect those rules to be respected and followed by you and your children.

It's not that difficult to understand!  Clearly another example of why common sense isn't common.

When the rules are blatantly disrespected, yeah, I don't want your kids in my house.  Because you don't enforce anything.  You come to my home, treat me like a baby sitter, and don't bother to discipline your kids.  What?  I can't enjoy company, too?  It's my house.  It's not my job to parent your kids. What's worse, is that my husband kisses your ass because of sibling loyalty and just lets it happen.  Then he defends YOU!  Says you're a good dad and I'm just nagging and need to calm it down.

Then I become the bad guy, accused of not being about family.  All because I don't want my home destroyed.  All because I want my rules to be respected.  I want my home and family to be respected.

Don't ever accuse me of not caring about family.  My faith revolves around it.   What's your faith revolve around?  Oh, that's right being selfish, dropping your kids off at other homes because you're lazy and don't want to deal with them in public, oh and putting business before family.  You're a much better parent than me, clearly.

Be a fucking parent and teach your children boundaries and respect, especially when to comes to other people's homes.  Discipline them when they break rules.  Stop using your family and friends solely as your baby sitters, especially when you're present!

And my thick husband can't figure out why I'm mad.  Well, if he didn't "ignore" me like he told his brother over the phone, then he'd know.  Gods know that I've tried to talk to him about it.  Clearly any negativity towards his brother, he ignores.   I don't understand blind family loyalty, I really don't.

So my husband went over there to watch his kids and took Wolfman, despite that he knows his brother's hoarder.  Their house is filthy and cluttered (nothing like what's on TLC, but give it some time [and they wonder how they got roaches at their last place; better not bring any travelers home]--I haven't been to their new apartment yet).  I don't want my son in those conditions.  Doesn't matter to my husband because it's all about family.  Clearly not about health concerns, safety, or rules, nope, just family.  Something that I'm apparently lacking.  According to my BIL, I don't know anything about family.

Maybe we'll move down to West Virginia and spend more time with an in-law who teaches and enforces rules?  Who's not a hoarder.  Who's not selfish.  Yes, my SIL is 10000000000000 times a better parent than her brother.  I'm not special, he disrespects her, too; uses and verbally abuses her.  And they're enablers; they just sweep his rudeness under the rug, because they don't want to deal with it.  He's an ass and the issue needs to be talked about!

I stand up for myself and I'm the bad guy.

This freaking family.  What the heck did I marry into?

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Who Wants to Read a Baby Poop Story?

First off, a couple weeks ago, I knew that i needed to tighten my frames when my glasses fell off my face and into a dirty poopie diaper.

Just a bit ago, Vin was trying to poop.  Grunting, pushing, typical pooping baby.  After some time after he stopped, I opened up the diaper to see that his turd was huge and hard...and stuck.  Not even mid-way through. I've got constipation issues sometimes, too, I've been there.

The turd was huge, I was very surprised that he wasn't showing any signs of distress or pain, but I hunkered down and gently pressed just below his anus...and that turd SHOT out at me, so did every thing else that was behind the blockage!  And he peed a whole lot within a very short amount of time!  It was a few inches long--I'm surprised that he was able to keep it inside him!  Especially since the only discomfort he's shown has been due to teething!  If that were me, I would've been miserable.

I think it was due to teething, because he eats a pretty balanced diet, and this is actually the first time in his 9 months that he's been constipated.   Now my toddler got constipated a lot--unfortunately, it'd seem that he has his mommy poor digestion.  As a toddler, he hasn't been constipated....yet.  Trying to make sure that he's eating enough fiber.  Our pediatrician suggested a tiny bit of apple juice mixed with water to relieve it.  But with Wolfman, you know when he was constipated.  No poop, plus irritability.  With Vin just no poop yesterday.  He's had poopless days before, if he still hadn't pooped today, I was going to give him some apple juice.

The experience grossed Wolfman out, lol, but Vin clearly feels much better.  He's got to!

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Been Wishing It For Years

Couldn't tell you how long I've been wanting one. Not just for my family, but times when my depression rears its ugly head. Sometimes a healing altar and deity shrines just doesn't cut it. In my darkest times, I've wished for a Greek style temple to go to, so i could pray at the foot of a great statue of my Matron, with Pagan Clergy that I can seek guidance from, but no place like that exists in Central Ohio, that I'm a aware of.  It sucks.  Not saying that a generalized Pagan Temple would, but still, at least it'd have someone spiritual to talk to.  

I've been wanting a church-like atmosphere for Pagans for a very long time.  I see the community that my SIL's church has and what do I have?  Myself.  The internet.  The outdoors.  That's not enough for me.  Yes, there are study groups and meet up groups in my area, but I don't know those people.  I don't trust them.  I don't feel comfortable or safe (yes, in a church or temple setting I would, as long as said place isn't located in a basement or something, or off in the boonies), and I sure as hell ain't bringing my kids to meet a group of strangers.  I mean, there's a meet up this month at some vegan resturant (I'm not a vegan--not that I'm opposed to eating veggies, I am a proud omnivore, but that means that my husband won't go),  and 1) I'm still working up the courage to go and 2) I'm trying to find someone who wants to go with me.

And it would be wonderful to have a spiritual place to take my kids to, too; a place they can meet other kids of various Pagan paths, and really just be introduced to a lot of culture and diversity in a spiritual manner. To provide a place for activities and adventures.

I often say that my home is my Matron's temple, but clearly it's a home, it doesn't have that same sacredness that a holy place does.

"As a mother, I’m a lot less likely to go to a stranger’s home for ritual when I have three children in tow than I would to attend a ritual in a public space.  This is doubly true if it is the group’s own space – this tells me volumes about the nature of the people involved in that group.  To make a temple or sacred gathering space happen, they must be dedicated, resourceful people; the group stable and enduring.  This is exactly what I’m looking for when I’m introducing my children to a spiritual path.  I truly believe that a proliferation of public temples for Pagans would lead to a shift in general demographics, and that this diversity would improve the religion for all." ~ Molly Khan
 I know that Universal...Unitarian...Church, I think is what it's call, exists, and I've often thought about checking it out, but I have reservations...even though I don't know quite what they are.  Although meeting in this place would be a hella lot easier and safer than meeting at a park or someone's home.  Who knows when a Pagan Temple might be built in Central Ohio, if at all?  Not too mention, some Pagans aren't open to the idea either....from what I've read, for some it's due to a fear or dislike or organized religion.  That's fine for them, but I want a place, other than my house.  Sometimes ya gotta get out of our home and meet people.  

"Having a public temple, dedicated to the Gods, where Pagans may come at any time and leave their offerings and build their relationship while also being able to gather together in group ritual would be an amazing step in the concept of sacred space." ~Molly Khan

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

A Yarn Tradition

Wish my parents would've taught me how to crochet/knit when I was kid.  Guess I'll try with my kids when I get better at it....well, obviously with them a little older, too.

My mom was taught by her mom and so on and so forth, back through the ages.  I guess my parents decided that it wasn't important to pass it on to me.  Work and other life things got in the way.  Alas!  I'm going to be learning various yarn arts, like crochet, knitting, finger and arm knitting, weaving, and all that jazz.  And sewing.  Nothing wrong with knowing how to make some blankets, warm clothes, or fixing up a hole in your pants, no matter your gender (in my family, I don't know of any men who know the yarn or thread arts).

I wasn't taught any of this--sewing in 8th grade, crochet now--hopefully, my kids will show an interest in it.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Guess That Makes Me a Hair Tie

Over on the Domestic Witch, the writer explores what it means to be Silky or Crunchy.  Personally, I'm not a fan of extreme categories, but let's see where I fall for fun:


  1. Yes, I do prefer hospital births and will take advantage of the drugs available. 
  2. No, thanks, I do not want to keep the placenta...
  3. Due to problems with latching and milk production, yes, I did bottle feed.  
  4. Disposable Diapers
  5. Pro-Circumcision 
  6. Pro-Vaccinations
  7. Yes to the "traditional" parenting and medical advice.
  8. Anti-biotics
  9. Traditional baby furniture and toys (I guess, I don't know the Crunchy version)
  10. CIO
  11. Scold, yes.
  12. Don't really care about GMOs, processed foods, etc (I prefer fresh and untainted, but gotta do what ya gotta do).  Not that I'm shoving junk foods in their faces, but if they're not getting sick from the food, it's fine to me.  I do make sure that they eat a balanced healthy diet everyday.
  13. Yes, I do buy most products out of convenience.
  14. Plastic ware
  15. I think bicycles on streets are extremely unsafe and most bicyclists I've encountered are fucking rude and stupid about safety, so yes, I drive.  I ain't about to be walking around this shitty neighborhood by myself, or with my kids.  Some areas are just unsafe, period.  
  16. I have no problems with public schools.
  17. I'm a Centrist, which way I lean changes.
  18. I don't think that humans are causing global warming, but yes global warming is happening.  I believe that the planet is going through another cycle, such as heating up.  

  • As for Potty Training, we haven't started yet.  Honestly, I don't have a clue where to start, despite that my toddler is totally ready.
  • Traditional marriage: I don't care.  Not for me, but if others do it, do what makes you happy.  To me, rejecting it would mean that I think it needs to stop, and I don't believe that.  As far as marriage goes, I'm happily handfasted because I want to be, not because I have to be (still haven't changed my surname yet...).  
  • I don't care either way with religion, if it makes a happy, do whatever.  Organized religion, I don't reject it, it's just not my path.  Down the line, if it happens to be my path, so be it.


  1. (from S. 2) ...Although I may do the cord bank thing with number three.
  2. I do use natural medicine, as well
  3. No flu shots.
  4. (from S. 7) ...And No to the "traditional" parenting and medical advice.
  5. I have a mix of scolding and gentle conversations when it comes to disciplining my kids.  No, I don't spank.
  6. Baby led weaning
  7. Bed sharing sometimes (it was the only way to get my youngest to sleep); until they started rolling, then to the crib they went.
  8. I'm doing more and more homesteading, with plans on raising and our own chickens.  We also hunt and gain our meats (honey, fruits, veggies) from other hunters and local farmers.
  9. We don't use items tested on animals.
  10. Recycle (and I plan on composting)
  11. Spends time in nature
  12. If I'm able to home school, I will.  
  13. I'm a Centrist...depends.
  14. We don't do gender roles in our family.
  15. Not a big fan of capitalism.

I'm Scrunchy, apparently.  I couldn't be fully one or the other, to be honest.

What about you?  Silky, Crunchy, or Scrunchy?

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Honesty and Being Sure to Read That Fine Print

I got off of the depo shot and noticed that two things happened:

  1. My sex drive returned
  2. My depression lessened, considerably.  I stopped having suicidal thoughts every week.
So today, I decided to look up the side effects of the depo shot.  I looked to various websites, which all basically said the same thing:
  • depression
  • decreased in sex drive well as other side effects.  

Gotta read that fine print, huh?  I think if I was honest with the clinic about my depression in the first place, hopefully they would'n've suggested that I take something that might make me suicidal.  I knew that the shot had something to do with my disgust with sex and I was right.  Had no idea that it might also make my depression worse.  No clue.  Now I know better.  

The only reason why I went on BC is because my mom and husband pressured me.  I hate taking anything that messes with my hormones, with my inner balance, so to speak.  Hate it.  Birth Control is needed, but it's not for me.  I'll stick with condoms until I'm finished having kids, then I'm shutting it all down.  

After I discussed my findings with my husband today, he apologized about pressuring me.

In better news, I am still going to seek professional help, AND I've started learning how to crochet!