Saturday, October 3, 2015

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month


That's what October is...well, one of many causes and awarenesses for this month.  In the link above it talks a little bit about the Wave of Light, taking place on October 15th, at 7 pm (your time zone--it doesn't seem to matter), in which you simply light a candle in memory of the passing of your/someone's baby.

I'll be participating for my little Spirit Boy.

Nathan Jacen
October 2011, First Trimester


All in one month, it seems, I went from being the happiest that I had ever been, to empty and broken. The pregnancy was confirmed in the beginning of the month.  Went in for our first ultrasound and received the bad news.  My personal gynecologist performed another ultrasound just to be sure...on October 31, 2011.  There was no medical reason.  Th OBGYN could only say, "Sometimes...these things happen.  I'm sorry."

The next day, I started the process of natural miscarriage.  I went through months of heavy, gritty bleeding.  It was terrible.  Depression ate me up.  I considered suicide.  My Matron and the Spirits saved my life.  Helped me back from the brink of despair.  

Last October, a friend bought me a pendulum, and I made contact with my Ancestors...and my son.  He was in the loving, caring arms of my Grandmothers and Aunts.  I named him Nathan Jacen Wren.  He liked his name.

Nathan has his place on my Ancestral Shrine, and always will.  I have no pictures, only memories.  I made him a blanket, in the colors of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness ribbon.  And I included the birthstones of October and the charm of 2011.  

He's still around.  Sometimes he plays with the toys.  A couple of months ago, a toy train moved in front of me.  

Nathan likes to make contact, often touching my hands or arms.  

He's happy on the Other Side.  He's in good care, in the arms of our Ancestors.  

We love you, baby boy.  Not a day goes by that you're not in our hearts or on our minds.  Your brothers will know about you.  You existed.  You are forever a part of this family.  

<3

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For many people, October is a time to remember your ancestors.  Many have a special shrine and have a special ritual on October 31st.  Others visit graves of the deceased, to clean and give gifts.  To honor and celebrate their lives.  

As every October, I do a lot of Ancestral and Spirit Work, seeing as the veil is the thinnest and I, like many, tend to have more spirit activity.  Why waste the opportunity to connect with them?

It's weird to think of my son as an Ancestor...I guess that I don't really know what to make of it.

Here's a link from The Amethyst Network that talks about rituals and gives some ideas on how to honor yours/someone baby, gone too soon.

(also posted on From the Mud)

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