Wednesday, January 21, 2015


My son is living up to the 'Terrible Twos'.  But I was prepared.  I've been around terrible two-year-olds.  It's exhausting and stressful.  I'm getting better with handling this little monster though.  He's deep in the throws of not wearing his diaper.  Today, he took off a poopy diaper and basically wiped his butt all over our clean sheets.

Le sigh.

As for potty training, it's not going yet because we don't know how to begin.  We got the what?  If anything, he uses the stool part of it to brush his teeth every time he's in the bathroom!  We'll get the ball rolling soon.  If I'm cleaning up messes, I'd rather it be from potty training, not this.
And my little Warrior has made some progress.  He's able to eat puffs on his own, without missing his mouth too much, and he's starting to sit up on his own!  Yay!

Onto mommy bidness.  I'm going to see my OBGYN on Monday to talk about my lack of libido and to possibly see if I have PMDD.  I've noticed that my depression worsens around my period.  This condition only affect 2-10% of women, but it's worth a look.

I'm also going to seek professional help for my depression.  It's not healthy for me to keep thinking that I can do this myself.  I can't.  Bear has stepped in and told me that I have the resources and two legs.  It's time for me to stand up and do it myself.  Get help.  I will.  No more excuses.  The Spirits are shouting at me.  Kali is showing up and pushing me.  If those aren't signs, I don't know what are.

Okay, enough about that.  Now about this.  It's a FB a status that I just posted:

I love watching 'My 600-lbs. Life' some of these people are so inspirational. I'm proud of them for fighting and sticking to their goals and I don't even know them! If they can do it, I know I can fight the addiction, drop weight, and live a happier, healthier life, too (without surgery).
Not that I'm 600lbs by any means, but my heaviest was 355lbs. Many times, I've looked down at my stomach and just thought why I couldn't just slice off all of the extra fat? 
I lost 55 lbs. for for the wedding. When I was pregnant with Lycan, I lost 70 lbs eating low-carb. I gained it back, because I love pasta, rice, and breads. With Vin, I didn't keep track, but I gained it back. In November 2014, I started back on that low carb diet at 320lbs. I haven't weighed myself yet, not due until the 6th, but I lost 6 lbs in November and didn't gain any after the holidays which is a major feat for me, because I cheated a lot.

I just got tired of being embarrassed at amusement parks, tired of not being happy, of cutting out certain foods and exercising and not seeing results, of not being able to wear beautiful clothes (or paying hella more than the average sized person for them), and just seeing my weight steadily increase over the years. I'm tired of hating my body. I know my bane. I don't want to be back at 355lbs. or beyond. I'm not going back there agian. My target is 240 lbs.. When I achieve that goal, then we'll see where the road leads from there. I know it's going to be a long, hard journey, but I've done it three times already, I know I can do it again and keep the weight off. I'm up for it. For myself and for my kids.

I've got loads of inspiration from strangers on TV to friends on on and offline. And I've got support. Bring it.

THis year is about getting and staying motivated.  Becomming a healthier and happier person.  Following through with things and battling the monsters and obstacles.  It's about surviving and thriving.

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