Wednesday, January 21, 2015


My son is living up to the 'Terrible Twos'.  But I was prepared.  I've been around terrible two-year-olds.  It's exhausting and stressful.  I'm getting better with handling this little monster though.  He's deep in the throws of not wearing his diaper.  Today, he took off a poopy diaper and basically wiped his butt all over our clean sheets.

Le sigh.

As for potty training, it's not going yet because we don't know how to begin.  We got the what?  If anything, he uses the stool part of it to brush his teeth every time he's in the bathroom!  We'll get the ball rolling soon.  If I'm cleaning up messes, I'd rather it be from potty training, not this.
And my little Warrior has made some progress.  He's able to eat puffs on his own, without missing his mouth too much, and he's starting to sit up on his own!  Yay!

Onto mommy bidness.  I'm going to see my OBGYN on Monday to talk about my lack of libido and to possibly see if I have PMDD.  I've noticed that my depression worsens around my period.  This condition only affect 2-10% of women, but it's worth a look.

I'm also going to seek professional help for my depression.  It's not healthy for me to keep thinking that I can do this myself.  I can't.  Bear has stepped in and told me that I have the resources and two legs.  It's time for me to stand up and do it myself.  Get help.  I will.  No more excuses.  The Spirits are shouting at me.  Kali is showing up and pushing me.  If those aren't signs, I don't know what are.

Okay, enough about that.  Now about this.  It's a FB a status that I just posted:

I love watching 'My 600-lbs. Life' some of these people are so inspirational. I'm proud of them for fighting and sticking to their goals and I don't even know them! If they can do it, I know I can fight the addiction, drop weight, and live a happier, healthier life, too (without surgery).
Not that I'm 600lbs by any means, but my heaviest was 355lbs. Many times, I've looked down at my stomach and just thought why I couldn't just slice off all of the extra fat? 
I lost 55 lbs. for for the wedding. When I was pregnant with Lycan, I lost 70 lbs eating low-carb. I gained it back, because I love pasta, rice, and breads. With Vin, I didn't keep track, but I gained it back. In November 2014, I started back on that low carb diet at 320lbs. I haven't weighed myself yet, not due until the 6th, but I lost 6 lbs in November and didn't gain any after the holidays which is a major feat for me, because I cheated a lot.

I just got tired of being embarrassed at amusement parks, tired of not being happy, of cutting out certain foods and exercising and not seeing results, of not being able to wear beautiful clothes (or paying hella more than the average sized person for them), and just seeing my weight steadily increase over the years. I'm tired of hating my body. I know my bane. I don't want to be back at 355lbs. or beyond. I'm not going back there agian. My target is 240 lbs.. When I achieve that goal, then we'll see where the road leads from there. I know it's going to be a long, hard journey, but I've done it three times already, I know I can do it again and keep the weight off. I'm up for it. For myself and for my kids.

I've got loads of inspiration from strangers on TV to friends on on and offline. And I've got support. Bring it.

THis year is about getting and staying motivated.  Becomming a healthier and happier person.  Following through with things and battling the monsters and obstacles.  It's about surviving and thriving.

Monday, January 19, 2015

A Gratitude Journal

I came across this, and thought it was interesting.  Our world--well, from my observations and how I feel certain days--is so negative.  There's a lot of fighting, greed, gossiping, and overall a loss of compassion.  This negativity is like a virus, it spreads and infects people, especially those addicted to drama, like I am--an addiction I'm working to break.

Life can bring a person down to the point to where they're uncaring and selfish.  When depression rears its ugly head, I get swallowed up in this thought.  This void.  So I made my own, so-oh-popular Gratitude Jar, as a coping method.  I don't know that I'm going to write down or draw something inspiration, funny, loving, etc everyday, but I definitely plan on keeping up with it.  I think it'll be a fun tradition to have on New Years Eve, instead of just eating sour kraut and watching the ball drop.  This will having meaning and happy memories.  As well as a boost when the darkness comes.

While I was looking at different jars for visual inspiration, I found the 30 Days of Gratitude.  It's aimed towards kids, but I see no reason why adults can't do it either.  In fact, I think parents and their kids should do it together.  Everyone needs a reminder to not take life for granted.  Most of us need a dose of humility, compassion, and gratitude, but for some once the moment passes, it's gone.  That bit of joy felt is gone.  Then they're back to their life of having greed and negativity thrown at them....especially kids.  In this day and age, many kids are either forced to grown up early or a piece of tech becomes their world.  They can't see anything beyond it....except maybe the next best thing.

I know growing up, I was surrounded by fads and trend.  I had my mom buy me Nike, Fila, and a Starter jacket for a team that I didn't even like, due to wanting to be cool like my peers.  And my mom bought me these things.  I hope that my family doesn't fall into that trap of more more more and wanting to please others.  Maybe something like this, a jar or a journal might stop us from caring about what's trendy, what's acceptable, and promote greed.  

I think this type of project might shine a new light on the world, show that there is more good than the negative that's constantly being shoved in our faces through the media.  The world is better than the bad people and events in it.

(PS it's hard to write a consistent post with a ninja toddler of a stealth skill of 100 and a rolly polly baby who's determined to explore the area beneath the futon!)

Damn It, I Keep Doing That!

I keep comparing my kids.  Warrior is almost 9 months and is still just rolling around on the floor.  He tries to crawl, but not quite.  Forget about sitting up.  It makes me worried, but then I have to remind myself:

  1. Not all babies develop at the same speed.
  2. He's a Preemie.  Some preemies take a little longer to reach their milestones.  
I'm just impatient and a worry wort.  I know now I'm wishing that he'd crawl, but when he does, I'll be missing those immobile days.  Although he's no immobile, he's quite the rolling stone!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

My Bed, She Calls

One son loves to sleep.  He's like his dad, gots to have his 12 hours of sleep.  I'd like to say our other son is just like me, but I like sleeping.  Vin has always been an early riser.  But lately, he's also one hell of a sleep fighter.  It's almost like he's a newborn again!  SUCKS!  I think he's going through a growth spurt, the other kind where instead of sleeping all of the time, he's eating instead.  I'm not complaining, let my preemie grow, but mommy would appreciate if she could get 7 hours of interruptions.

I hope this doesn't last very long.  It ain't easy to readjust my sleep schedule for Vin's fighting bum then take care of both rambunctious little boys during the day.  At least, Wolfman can sleep through his brother's cries.  Someone has to.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Learning Foundation

I just joined a Facebook group with a very long name that got my mental gears a-ticking.  The group is called, Waldorf Inspired- Pagan Children, Parents, Teachers, and Home-Schoolers.  I discovered it through The Pagan Mama Community, and so far, by first glance, I kind of like it.  I would like to home school my kids, especially if we end up buying this house....this neighborhood and school system ain't that great.  I want them to be around other children their age for social purposes, and to be taught by a certified teacher with proper training and experience than me, too.  But this neighborhood, I dunno.

Anyway, most Pagan Home Schooling groups that I've come across, especially on Facebook, just aren't that informative, or they're not that active.  This groups seems to be.  If nothing else, it has me interested in researching more about Waldorf educational programs.

I wrote an introduction, stating that I'm more of a Home-Centric Pagan and Witch than an Earth-Centric one.  Meaning my faith and practice mainly focus on home and family.  I love nature, and the seasons, but they're not the center of my world.  They used to be, back when I was just starting out and trying to find myself; they're important to learn.  And I believe that learning about nature, the planet, the solar system, and all of that are the basics, the foundation, that many people should start with.  Or maybe it's just due to my studies with many Wicca 101 books.  That's usually where they start: learning about the elements, the seasons, and so on, before getting to more advanced topics.  Get the basics down and it usually opens up many more doors for understanding.

My plans for their pre-k education is definitely going to be about the simple aspects of nature.  When I get a lesson plan going, I'll definitely post it.  It's something that I've been working on for a few years, actually.  Me having to edit it repeatedly, especially as I get to know my son's personality and intelligence.  That and I need to work on making it simpler because I do tend to over complicate ideas.  Not to mention that I'm not very well organized due to having the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a toddler.

That's why I like to find helpful parenting and home schooling groups, because I don't know what I'm doing!  lol  But I have to get to bed, so hopefully I'll elaborate more on this topic tomorrow after I've thought more about it.


Monday, January 5, 2015

A Plethora of Milestones Are Ahead

Since turning 2, Wolfman has decided:
  • He no longer needs his booster seat.
  • He's ready to be potty trained.
  • With his potty/stool, he insists on washing his hands every time we're in the bathroom.
  • Last night, he picked up his tooth brush, turned on the sink, and started brushing his teeth all by himself while I was bathing his brother.  We bought him some age appropriate toothpaste and will introduce him to that today.  
And my mom is buying him a twin bed.  He has a converter crib, but my mom is buying us the twin so we can give the crib to the baby (he's been sleeping in a pack'n'play).  I'm apprehensive about it, because I think it's going to be harder to get him to go to bed and I don't know how he'll react when we give his crib to his brother.  Luckily, Wolfman isn't too bothered by change, but these are big changes!  New bed, potty training.  Big steps for us and him.  True it'll be easier for him when he starts potty training to not be confined to a cage, but he can open up doors on his own and I don't want him wondering the house while we're asleep.  

And I'm also annoyed with my husband because when I suggested that we buy Wolfman a toddler bed, he protested due to the hand-me-down thing.  But then my mom offers to buy a bed and he's all over it.  Really?  

To go along with his new Captains twin bed (has shelves under the mattress), we're going to buy him a Paw Patrol bedding set.  Oh, and safety railings.  We just got a nice bedding gift set for a toddler bed that has vehicles all of over it and Wolfman loves them.  So we need to top that love.  

Next week, that change is coming.  You know, I should suggest to mom to tell hubs that Wolfman needs plastic sheets, since he won't listen to me about it.  I say something and I apparently don't know what I'm talking about.  My mom says it and she's a genius.  I don't get it.  

Any who, at least we'll finally be able to use the bedding set that I bought for the baby.

In other news, I've gathered up a lot of stuff for donations.  With most people, when they don't want a gift, they regift it or take it back.  Me?  I just donate it.  Let someone else enjoy it.  But it's either funny or sad, I don't like a lot of stuff in general, but every time we go to donations, we always have a lot to drop off....where's it all coming from?  Gift holidays and birthdays are obvious, but we don't buy that much stuff throughout the year.  This year it'll mainly be home and yard improvements, but that's really it.  I don't know where it all comes from to be honest.  At least this time, we have a lot of infant and kid stuff give away.

I wish I knew how to knit or crochet, otherwise I'd be making a lot of blankets, scarves, hats, and gloves for shelters.  But I am getting a sewing machine, so that's start.  The sooner it arrives, the sooner I can start learning.


I need to vent.  Had a tough night last night, between my OCD and motherfuckers and their bratty kids not respecting that.  The father knows that I have OCD.  It's not as severe as it used to be, but I've been working on it.  Maybe it's not OCD because it's not ritualistic, but that doesn't mean that I don't get seriously stressed out and prone to anxiety attacks when things get messed up.  I've been able to teach my son respect for things, and I work with him about making messes and touching things that don't belong to him (I teach my son respect, boundaries, and rules)--my son doesn't upset my anxiety very often.  But this past Christmas and birthday, I was pushed and pushed, but I kept it together because there were kids around.  Last night, was almost my breaking point.  These kids are older and are able to comprehend.  When you ask or tell them to do something, they do it.  Or so their parents tell us.

I had to tell my niece three times to put something down that wasn't a toy.  Three times!  Then they kept taking balls out of the playroom (and I've told them the rules).  There's a reason why we have a playroom, that's where most of the toys stay.  My two-year-old son knows that he can only take a few out at a time.  He's two.  As long as we're consistent, hopefully this rule will stay.  But no, not my nephew and niece, they didn't care all.  My husband said, "If it makes you feel better, they don't listen to [their dad] either."

"That's not an excuse."  And no, it's doesn't make me feel better either.  It actually makes me sad.

And I shouldn't have been the one telling these kids off.  Their dad was there!  He should've gotten off his lazy ass and been a parent.  Not me!  It's not my job!  But I'm not going to let them completely wreck my house or spread their germs everywhere either!  Like the dad didn't say anything, until I got on his daughter in front of him for teasing our baby with a toy.  Then she did it again with juice, even then, I had to start in before he said anything.  What kind of lazy crap is that?  Man up and be a parent, for the Gods sake.  I'm not your fucking baby sitter.

According to my husband, his brother was doing a fantastic job of keeping his kids in check.  I literally do not understand blind loyalty that some family members show for each other.  I don't.  It defies logic, or maybe he just wasn't paying attention?

Parent Pet Peeve:
I really hate it when other parents know that their kids are sick, but they bring them over to your house anyway (a stomach bug on Christmas and a general cold last night).  It's completely inconsiderate.  And even ruder, is when they know their sick kid has been coughing and sneezing into their hands, and wiping their snot on their fingers, and yet they ENCOURAGE them to play with, not just the healthy kids toys, but the infant's toys!  What?  Ya fuckin stupid or something?  In what universe is that okay?  Especially knowing that the infant has nearly died from catching two virus' already.  Fuckwits, man.

I said something last night and my husband just said, "Well we'll just lysol all of the toys when they leave."  Thanks for understanding and having my back, hubs.  Good job.  Needless to say, our evening wasn't that enjoyable.  It's easy for him to kiss his brother's ass and ignore my concerns because he wouldn't be home all day taking care of sick kids, while fighting off a virus with them.

Another Parent Pet Peeve:
"Kids will be kids."  This phrase, to me, is what lazy parents say when they don't have the balls and patience to teach their children respect, boundaries, and rules.  Yes, another PPP born from last night's visitation--a visitation that I didn't even know about until they showed up on our doorstep (probably because my husband knew that I would protest because our nephew and niece were sick).  The kids were completely disrespectful and didn't listen at all to anyone.  It was aggravating.

I nearly told the father that they weren't welcome back to the house until he taught his kids respect for others. (And this isn't new, it's always like this, because they don't tell their kids no....but they also spank.  How confusing is that?  They seriously need to take some parenting classes.  I thought the point of not telling your kid no was to protect their psyche's or some crap?  What's spanking going to do, especially if you don't tell them no?)

At least their sister has her head on her shoulders.

How you raise your children is your thing, but when they come over to my house, I expect them to respect my home; and for you, the parent, to keep them in line.

We're getting a gate for the playroom, so that when the rules are broken, the privilege is taken away.  I can punish my kids at house, but with one set of the kids, I can't, because their parents barely bother with discipline or enforcing rules.  At least with the other set, I can threaten to tell their mom or dad, because their parents actually give a damn about consistency and respect for others.  Playroom gate will be my source of power.

Even though the little kids can't read, I'm going to make up a Rule poster, so that at least their parents can (me just verbally asking and telling the kids apparently doesn't work).  AND I may even put up a sign in the mudroom (our main entrance) that tells the others that I'm not their baby sitter.  They need to keep an eye on their kids, too.

(And I want to add that I'm not saying that my son is perfect, we still have much to learn.  But patience, dedication, and consistency do wonders for teaching children.)