Monday, March 31, 2014

Odd Questions While Waiting for My Groceries

I was at kroger a bit ago, and the bagger lady looks at me with concern.  I'm standing there, one hand on my hip, the other on my belly, just tired and uncomfortable.  She goes, "Are you having a baby?"

"Yeah."

"Are you having one now?"

Huh?  What?  Who goes shopping when they're in labor?  Or finishes shopping....just standing there, leaking fluid all over the floor.  I answered, "No, I'm just uncomfortable and tired."

"Is the baby's head dropping right now?"

"I-I-I-I--ya know, I don't know.  My back just hurts a bit."

What?  At least she wasn't rude, but still, how does one handle those types of questions.  Apparently the look on my face said that I was in labor.  Didn't realize that I had a agonizing pain face.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Passing Painting Onto the Next Generation

Got some old paintings that have been left unfinished or are just unsatisfying?  All ya need is some masking tape, kid paint, and a little one.  TA-DA, you'll have yourself a masterpiece!  I originally got the paint and masking tape idea from As Time Flies.  Recycling old paintings was my own invention.

March 26, 2013

Yesterday I introduced Lycan to finger painting.  Strip him down to his diaper, put a prepared canvas in front of him, and sat him down in his high chair.  He was apprehensive at first, then started to eat the paint, instead of smear it around.  He's a visual leaner, so I played it, too.  He started to play with it, then picked up the canvas and tried to lick it.

I guess he doesn't mind the taste of finger paints.  These are our collaborations:

Some L-O-V-E
This was an unfinished oil painting of a hummingbird that I had hanging around.  I just added some masking tape lettering and gave my son some pink finger paints and let him go! 

BOOYAKASHA!
I prepared this canvas for him, by starting with a pre-gessoed canvas, then painted the background and adding the masking tape words.  Like before, gave him some green and let him explore.  Actually, I remember, this painting was first, because he kept tasting the paint, like it was icing.  This masterpiece fits into his TMNT room theme.  :-)

Next time, I'm going to have him sit on a large tarp with either a large piece of canvas or paper taped to the tarp.  And I going to give him different colors that mix well (so no brown or black mixtures at the end!).  I may reuse the kid paint that I have or I might try some kool aid recipes (google, as there are many different recipes out there; some people mix their kool aid with baby cereal even).  Here's one of many edible finger paint recipes.

Unfortunately, food mediums don't always keep very well, but picture diaries work just as well!

There are a lot of different recipes out there, just gotta find the right one that's easy and works.  I'm looking forward to developing my kid's love of arts&crafts.  Instead of just having their masterpieces hanging on the fridge, they're going to have pieces on display throughout our home!  When I was a young artist, seeing my art displayed in such a way gave me pride and encouragement.  I loved it, made me create more.   I'm looking forward to his other great masterpieces!

Monday, March 24, 2014

I Don't Know If I'm Lucky Or Just Stubborn

My husband and I have an equal partnership.  We both cook, we both clean, and we both share the responsibilities of raising our child(ren).  This was a deal we made when things got serious between us; and reinforced when we talked about having kids.  And again when I got pregnant.  I came from a household where the man ruled his castle with an iron fist and the women had to do all of the work around the house.  It's unfair.  Especially since my step mom also worked at a steady job where she made more money than my dad.  She still had to come home and play housewife, even though she wasn't one.  No doubt, if they had children, she would be the sole care giver for them, too, in addition to her job and her household chores.  (Not too mention, she also has carpal tunnel in both hands and arthritis.)

"That's God's word," according to my dad.  "Women are servants to their husbands."  In his eyes, he's allowed to treat her like a common slave because his personal God says so.  And he got her when she was young; he brainwashed her into thinking that's the way it is for every woman.  Until my adult ass came back into the picture.  She tries to stand up to my dad, only to be belittled and mentally abused.  Nowadays, her attitude has changed.  She's starting to not give a shit about him.  He's fragile in his aged state, he's losing control over her, and knows it.

Excuse me?  Even today, my dad will scold me for not being my husband's obedient slave.  And I'll remind him, "We're not your kind of Christian.  This is an equal household.  Back off.  You don't like it, look away."

In my mom's case, she's a working woman and took care of the house, too.  But not because my step dad was a tyrant, or that she was raised to believe that way; but because my mom hates clutter.  She used to be a clean freak.  However, my step dad wasn't much help anyway, due to being a slob.  He doesn't pick up after himself.  My mom does it all.

There are times when I still have to pick up after my husband, which is obnoxious, and he gets an earful, because I'm not his fucking mom; BUT he does help me when I ask.  Plus, he has assigned chores, like the trash and the laundry.  For the most part, he's good at doing what I ask him.  It's just he has the mentality of, "I'll get to it" whereas I'm my mother's daughter, I ask you, you do it when I ask, not when you feel like it.

I know that not all households are equal, especially in the child rearing field, and I just don't get that.  Especially when the woman (or man in some cases) isn't happy with the assumed arrangement.  If you're not happy, communicate.  Change things. Wouldn't yall have talked about that BEFORE you spread your legs?  Or have a sit down with them later and actually communicate the issues, instead of just huffing and doing it?  One of my co-workers was like that.  She didn't stand up to her husband, and she had to work AND do everything for the kids.  To her, that's just how it was.  It's women's work.

I'm just like, honey this is a new age.  This ain't the 1950's.  Parenting is a two person deal (especially when both parents are around).  I just say, "Well, guess I'm lucky to have the man I do."

"You sure are.  Where was he when I was looking?!"

"You're so lucky to have a man like Dave!"

Am I?

My cousin is near 40 and she just had a baby a month ago.  She's dealing with pretty much the same thing.  She gets zero sleep and lets her boyfriend sleep.  She makes excuses for him, like, "Well, he works nights.  He needs his sleep."  Honey, what about you?  You need to sleep, too.  You can't be expected to raise this child into a healthy and happy person, if you're not a healthy and happy person.  No, you're not bringing in income, but damn it, you're still working the same, if not harder.  I'd say harder, since he's sleeping and you're not; and she's keeping a human being alive  He needs to be sacrificing his time, too, not just you.  Other dad's do it, so can he.  Simple as that.  When a child comes into your life, everything changes.  For both parents.

::reads her response::

She doesn't sound very sincere.  Just sounds like more excuses to me.  "I don't mind."  Yes, you do, otherwise you wouldn't be coming onto Facebook and bitching about not getting sleep every post.  Instead of telling us, tell him.

Tough love, right?  But I gotta remember, she's still hormonal.  But still man.  I hate it when men give those excuses as to why they can't or shouldn't sacrifice this time to help raise a child, and I hate it even more when women do it for them.  It's one thing to be sleepy and grumpy and complain about it once in a while; it's another to do it every fucking day, several times a day.  It's more than a sign of not getting enough sleep, it's a sign that you're not happy in your relationship.  You're not happy with how things are right now.

Can't change everyone though.  I don't get it, but it's not my job to change the world, only to learn what I can: acceptance, tolerance, avoidance, right?  However, I can at least let her know that she's allowed to take care of herself, too.

I have a reply loaded, but I don't know if I should pull the trigger, so to speak.  She is hormonal and she is exhausted.  Perhaps I should save my opinion later?  I'll do that.  Unless she keeps on bitching about it.  That irks me.  If you're not going to change your situation, stop bitching about it.  You can vent about your problems privately.  Which I've actually talked to her about, years ago, and she did calm it down, but now's not the time or place for it.  I gotta remember how I was at that state...and how I'm going to be again.  It sucks.  Simple as that.  Going back to zombie mode....how can I with a toddler?  I'll figure it out.  Other people do it, so can I, right?

It gets me thinking...am I lucky to have found a man who wants an equal household?  Or do I just have a stronger backbone than some women when it comes to this sort of thing? I refuse to be in a relationship like my parents.  Yes, I grew up in that environment, but I wasn't raised that way.  And even if I was, life changes you.  I was raised Christian, too; but I never identified as such.  I'm a Pagan.  Been one since I was very young.  (Even then, Pagan doesn't mean equal household either; just like Christian doesn't mean unequal.)

I'm reminded that even though we communicate our issues to each other, not everyone does.  Not even in this day and age.  Some people, women and men, just deal with it.  I'm not one to deal.  I am my mother's daughter.  We're both vocal about what pisses us off.  Except she sweeps things under the rug to avoid drama and I'm stubborn as hell.  I'll butt your ass off the fucking mountain if you ignore me.

Yes, I'm a SAHM right now.  But I know that I work just as hard as my husband does.  No, I don't bring in income, but I'm keeping our son(s) alive and teaching him. I take care of him, the house, and myself.  I cook.  I clean.  Nowadays, I get very little sleep (damn, when I did work, I only got 3-4 hours of sleep a day...but working third shift royally messed me up; sometimes I would go 2-3 days without sleeping and not realize it).

Hubby works 40 hours a week.  He comes home and does chores, too.  He comes home and helps me out with Lycan.  He comes home and doesn't always get to relax.  When Bigfoot is born, he's going to be getting up every couple of hours and doing his part, too; as well as driving to work and working and coming home and helping out and allowing me to sleep.  We're both going to be sleep deprived and exhausted.  While he's at work, I'm going to be at home, juggling a newborn and a toddler.

He is just a rare occurrence in the male gene pool?  Some elusive magikal creature?  Do I have my own Unicorn?  Was it due to being raised by a single working mother of four?  Was it due to us being open with each other?  I don't know.  But I know he's not the only one out there.  Many of my friends have equal households.  It's not just a generation thing, many of their parents have one, too.

I don't see how other women can juggle working, household chores, and raising children (especially young children) when their husband comes home and watches TV, plays PS3, reads the paper, or sleeps.  An unequal household is not for me.  I would literally lose my mind.  I couldn't just sit back and take it.  The only time I'm submissive is in the bedroom, other than that, you better be helping me otherwise you're getting the horns.

Some women are fine with living in a traditional household; hey, do your thing.  But even then, you know it wears on them.  They're not robots.  This isn't Stepford Wives.  Even then they need to have a voice and let their husband's know that they need a helping hand or a break once in a while.  They need to be selfish once in a while.  And it's not even selfishness, it's about caring for yourself.  (And not all men in traditional families are total dicks and tyrants, I understand that, too; but it you don't communicate, some men aren't going to see it.  Don't be afraid to have a voice.)

Am I lucky or am I strong?  Or perhaps I'm just stubborn?  I know what I want in my relationship and I'm going to have it.  I am not doing all of this shit myself, while my husband gets to relax.  Nah.  This is a marriage, it's an equal partnership.  I am not his bitch; I'm not his slave.  We agreed on it when things got serious.  We agreed on it when we were engaged.  We reinforced those beliefs when we talked about having kids.  If he gets time to unwind, so I do.  We both need our space (as well as time together) in order to have a healthy and happy relationship.  How can we raised our children to be happy if we're not?

* I know it's not always women; some men find themselves in these unequal partnerships, too.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Wolfman See, Wolfman Do!

For a lot of the day, I was doing some spring cleaning.  My son was around a lot, playing, watching, just all around me.  Around 8 pm, my husband said, "Are you helping mommy?"  I look over to the door to see that Lycan has gathered up our shoes and some of his toys and placed them in the corner!


I turned back to finish cleaning off the table, and he comes over to a clothes hamper and begins to sort the clothes into three piles!  I think he learned that from watching me sort through his smaller clothes earlier in the week.  


After sorting them, he put them back into the hamper like a big boy!


When cleaning was done, mommy sat down, in awe of how smart and adorable he is, Lycan got back to playtime.  He took apart one of his treasure bowls, sat by the bookshelf and "read".  Aka flipping through his book, pointing at the pictures and talking to them.  Hubby said, "He's just like me.  A visual learner."

Indeed!

Cuz That's How We Roll

Well, we have the perfect coming home clothes for Bigfoot; course my mom will probably buy him something different and less geeky, but....


....we're geeks and nerds, therefore our children will be, too!  Get him a pair of TMNT socks and a hat, and he'll be stylin' and profilin'!

Friday, March 21, 2014

Walking on the Edge

I can certainly relate to this authors birthing experiences, Birth as Edge Walking:

"What few people talk about is how fucking terrifying giving birth is. I’ve given birth twice and I completely trust that my body will birth a healthy baby one more time. But I also know how hard birthing is. It is a Descent to the Underworld, a walk along the knife’s edge."

Yes, it certainly can be.  Some women make the claim of loving it.  Of it being deeply spiritual and orgasmic.  While others say it's the absolute worse, most terrifying thing in the world.  As one commenter (Asa) said, "I feel like there are two camps in the US regarding birth: there's the "birth is dangerous, and thus must be medicalized" camp, and the "birth is natural, and therefore shouldn't hurt at all" camp. We desperately need a middle ground between these two extremes."

I said something similar in an earlier post, when I came across such camp, or frame of mind, of a woman on Pregnancy Corner who said that these misconceptions of birth being this awful thing needed to be abolished, because it was beautiful, natural, and orgasmic.  I just rolled my eyes and laughed!  There really are two schools of thought for many people.  The Fluffy and the...I guess...Fearful?  There needs to be a more realistic POV.  The truth is, pregnancy and birth can be both beautiful and terrifying.

I'm not one of those who likes being pregnant, but I'm happy with the end result: a happy, healthy, beautiful child in my life.  Pregnancy sucks for me.  Both times I've have gestational diabetes.  The first hospital made me believe that I was going to have a stillborn, so when it came time to push, I was so scared that I was going to kill him.  Yes, I could hear his heartbeat on the monitor, but when I pushed him out, he was going to die.  I pushed and struggled and vomited, and about 1-2 hours, I finally gave birth to a beautiful living baby.  But it was short lived, because I fell into hysterics from nearing bleeding to death.

Nearly a year and a half later, I don't remember the pain felt by my experience.  Yeah, I vaguely remember the countless days and nights I spent crying over having GD and believing that I was a bad woman for being obese and pregnant.  Some nights I honestly believed that I was going to lose him, like I did my first embryo.

This pregnancy, I have GD again, but I'm at a much better hospital and I have a better hold over what's going on.  No one's telling me that I'm a bad person for being obese and pregnant.  No ones telling me that I'm going to push out a dead child.  I'm more confident this time.  And happier.  But I'm also terrified.  I'm scared of the pain that I'm going to go through.  Like the author in the article, I endured extremely painful menstrual cramps as well, but contraction pain is something else.  It's more intense and midol can't help.  Curling up in a ball doesn't help.  It's uncomfortable and hellish.

Like I've stated in other posts, I've endured hours of agonizing gall bladder inflammation that honest to the Gods rivals labor pain.  But I'm still scared.  I'm not a fan of pain and I have a low threshold for it.  Yet, this time, I'm going to go as natural for as long as I can.  Epidurals are great, except they make the delivery longer and you literally cannot feel a damn thing.

"Push in your butt, not in your face."

"I WOULD IF I COULD FEEL MY BUTT!"

Couldn't feel anything until it wore off.  When it did, delivery was easy.  It was fast.

That scares me.  This choice to endure extreme amounts of pain.  With the gall bladder thing, that wasn't a choice.  This time, I'm choosing to go through with it.  What the fuck am I thinking?  One of my friends went as long as she could, but finally she gave into the epidural, and she has a high pain tolerance!  But sometimes you've gotta do what you gotta do.

I'm also scared that I might have bleeding problems again.  Even with having told this better hospital about my problems last time, there's always that fear of what if?  What if they can't get it to stop?  What if I bleed to death after Vin's born?  What if i never get to see Lycan, my husband, or my newborn?  What if?  It's terrifying to think about.  I know the Spirits are watching over us; I know my children are protected by Hecate (another "dark goddess" similar to Kali; a Titan of the Underworld, but also a protector of children).  I just gotta have faith in my body and in the hospital staff that everything will work out.  They're skilled; they have the experience and the technology.  They know that I bled pretty bad last time.  They'll be prepared.

I hoping that I can just enjoy seeing my beautiful newborn son.  See him, and not fall into hysterics.

Like the author, I know a little about walking on the edge of life and death that is the birthing process; and of strolling through the Underworld.  It can be fucking terrifying, indeed.  But nothing beats those results.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Ostara Bunny?

Many bright Spring blessings to you and yours, first off.

Yesterday, while at the store, we passed by the Easter displays; they usually catch my eye, because Easter, Spring Equinox/Ostara, and May Day/Beltane share many of the same symbols and themes.  I love this time of the year, as it gives me decoration ideas for the future.  We walked past the Easter Baskets, and my husband said something about the "cheap crap" that some parents buy for their kids, and how he's glad that we won't be doing any of that.

It got me thinking, for May Day, I plan on making tiny baskets of sabbat themed gifts for the kids--baskets brought by the Fae.  I was going to hang them on their doors.  But what about the Spring Equinox?  We share many symbols with Easter.  I know that the grandparents are going to get them Easter Baskets, which I don't have a problem with.  In my family, the holidays are more about the kids than about the religious intent.  So plenty of candy and "cheap crap" in their baskets from the Easter Bunny.

I was cursing through my Pinterest Spring board and looking through The Blasphemous Homemaker's post about Family Friend Ostara activities, when it occurred to me....will we have an "Ostara" Bunny bring the kids treats, like my husband and I both knew as kids concerning Easter? As I mentioned for May Day, I'm going to be doing baskets from the Fae, but baskets from a bunny?  I don't know.  For each sabbat, I do want to make felt treasure dolls for each child, that they can open up and find special symbolic gifts inside.  I mean, we can do baskets if we wanted to.

I plan on us doing art & crafts and activities concerning Spring, such as seed plantings, egg coloring, and egg hunts, but baskets of treats from a bunny?  I dunno.  I might leave that with Easter and May Day.

It's food for thought.

Do you do anything special, similar, or different for Ostara/Spring Equinox?


A Tat in the Dark

After waking up from a nap, I headed for the kitchen for a snack, when I stopped at the threshold, upon seeing something small and black sitting in front of the cabinets.


 The hell is that?

Mind you, it's dark in the kitchen, clearly flash bleaches everything out.  

I take a step closer.

We....We don't have a cat.


 I went to the other doorway to get a better look when it dawned on me.

Oh, it's Tat the Cat.

It's one of my son's favorite stuffed toys!  I was not expecting to walk in and see her sitting in front of the cabinets, as if begging for food.  lol.  The only times she sits is when he plops her down on her butt.  I just thought it was kind of funny; it was a nice little gift from my son before he went to bed this evening.  After having a stressful day of him testing his boundaries, it was definitely a unintentional cute surprise.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Right Around the Corner!

That came up quick didn't it?  Soon people will actually be allowed to bitch about winter weather in the spring time.  One of my pet peeves is people saying, "It's March, it needs to be warm!  Enough with this snow and cold!"  First off, how many warm Ohio March's have you experienced?  I've noticed that March is usually still shaking off Winter's coat.  Then it rains throughout April, then in May it's warm and delightful with life and abundance. 

Plus, officially Spring isn't until March 20-22nd.  Chill.  After the Equinox, then bitch about how Winter needs to go away and stay in his own season!

Anyway, what have I got planned?  This will be my son's second Spring Equinox and he's actually old enough to do stuff, instead of just sit there looking at us like we're weird, with a furrowed brow.  Keep in mind, that we celebrate the Equinox' and Solstice's for three days.  Why?  Because we can; sometimes certain days don't always work out.  I am glad to see that it's raining today, Spring's nearly here.  Gotta thaw out and wake up the ground so Father Sun's rays can penetrate and activate the soil, much like one spouse getting the other in the mood.  Essentially, I see it as foreplay. 

Foreplay in March, sex in April, labor and delivery in May.  Man, I wish I had that gestational period.  I've been feeling like an elephant as of late.  Elephants are pregnant for 2 years.  I was pregnant in the fall of 2011 (miscarried).  Full term in Spring of 2012.  And again in the fall of 2013, due near the summer of 2014.  Needless to say, I'm a little over it.  Definitely going to be more diligent with separating two and three.  Get some years of non-pregnancy in their.  I want sushi damn it.  Sushi and a new tattoo. 

So yeah, plans for the next three days are:

  • Egg breakfast
  • Changing the seasonal shrine to Spring
  • Maybe introduce my son to Spring symbols, and let him play with them, or at least make flash cards.  Ooo, I could make him a treasure bowl of spring symbols, even if it's just pastels...  (this is the time when I wish I had a baby or child friendly book about the sabbats; or the supplies to make one myself; project for next year.  I can even make a felt sensory book for my second son.)
  • Hopefully go on a walk at our favorite park, if not, I have baby friendly activities that are "Springy" in my Pagan Parenting book and on Pinterest; if he's not interested in them, I can still do something crafty.
  • Despite having a black thumb, I might still try to plant something.  Can't learn if you don't practice and ask questions of your green thumbed elders.  Or at least play in the dirt/mud.  
  • Give offerings of grains and seeds to the birds with my son.  
  • Normally I cook an epic feast including honey bread, rabbit, and carbs, I mean breads and cake/cookies.  I love carbs; bane of my weight and blood sugar.  But this year, I'm on a strict low carb diet, so the menu for this year has been drastically changed (and no one got me a rabbit this year!).  I may make a spring inspired salad: strawberries (love, luck), lettuce (fidelity), chicken (fertility), sunflower seeds (sun, fertility), almonds (earth), and boiled eggs (fertility).  Course, the baby, I'll find him something, maybe corn and peas, get a color palette going.
  • Declutterings rituals - aka cleaning, donating, tossing, and smudging the apartment.
We'll color eggs next year when he's a little older and less likely to put things into mouth.  

I'm excited, especially for the arts & crafts portion of it.  I've been soooooooooooo bored.  But right now, I smell a poopy diaper that's in need of a changing, much like our seasons actually.....

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Not Done on Purpose

I can assure you.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends was trying to remember our chosen boy name, she couldn't remember if it was "Victor" or "Vincent".  She said "Vincent" while her husband said "Victor"; saying that we were going for an Underworld theme.

No, no, no, no, no.

Although I had considered "Victor", because I love that name.  But it would'n've been because of those movies.  However I didn't, because (TMI) "Victor" is the name of my vibrator.  lol.  Would've been awkward and weird.  I ditched that name.

Today, another of my friends made another connection to those movies: "Lycan" and "Lucian."

Coincidence, I assure you.

"Lucian" is the name of my husband's step grandfather, just as "Leo" is the middle name of another of his grandfathers.  No Underworld connections!  None.  I don't like those movies enough to name my kids after them.

A Plan of Attack

In my quest of not having a TV kid, I've got a lot of outdoor activities planned.  Or did.  Until I found out that I was preggers and was due near summer.  BUT I can still make this work, yeah?  Other parents do.  I figure for the first month of newborn babyhood, I'll be pretty out of it.  BUT there are two of us, grandparents, and uncles/aunts, who would love to take Lycan on these adventures.  Plus, if I'm able to get a double stroller compatible with our car seat, I'll be able to take Vin outside, too.

I've got to make time for Lycan, too.  Help him to grow and develop; not stunt him, especially on lovely days, because of his little brother.  Got to learn the art of juggling my time between two babies; well near toddler and one newborn.

So far, I've got these outings planned (hopefully we can afford some of these places, if not there are cheaper/free alternatives):

Come fall, another year of Apple and Pumpkin Picking!  By October, Vin oughta be a bit more alert and aware of his surroundings.  

Not to mention, there's a ton of sensory activities from the web that'll be cheap to do/make, and hopefully fun at the same time.  And the mess can be done outside!

I really want to instill a love of nature and a love of learning in my children, not just with books or videos, but through tactile activities: hiking, camping, arts & crafts, taking them to see these natural wonders instead of just giving them a screen to look at.  

Step one, limit TV.  We have the TV on majority of the day, and monkey see monkey do, right?  Luckily, he's not one to throw a fit (yet) if the TV is off.  Plus, it might be a good way of getting him to leave the TV alone, too.  Plus, ain't nothing wrong with filling the apartment with music for a change.  I think having the TV on at night is good to have.  Ain't nothing on during the day anyway.  I'm not a fan of the toddler shows on Disney, Nick, and Nick Jr. (sadly, these are the only two networks with kid friendly shows we have--I can't even find PBS!).  I don't like the undertones of "be nice to your bully no matter what".  I think that's a horrid lesson to teach children.  There's nothing about standing up to them or avoiding them.  But they'll stand up to said bully if someone else is in trouble...  It's all about being nice and doing things for them, even though you KNOW they're going to keep on backstabbing and being mean to you.  Like, what?  No!  It's like they forget what the bully's done in the past.  

"Always see the good in people!"  Screw that, use your brain.  Someone betrays your trust, avoid them, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.  If they keep on being mean to you, stand up for yourself and get help against them.  Let's teach our children some real world lessons, not fluffy ones.  But, alas, I blame the fluffy parents who say that all kids are winners, even the ones who couldn't be bothered to try.  Trophies for everyone!  (Sorry, that's a different rant...)  You can still keep your child's life fun and magical, AND teach the the facts of life and how to be independent....how to handle real life situations, instead of lying to them about how the world works.  

"Be nice to your bully because they're unhappy; eventually they'll change and be good, too!"  

Da...no.

Not all of the shows deal with bullies, but still.  I can literally only take so much of those shows, and I love cartoons.  

Then there are some toddler shows that are just disturbing....  The music and dancing might be fun, but the characters are creepy as hell.  And the story lines are questionable, or maybe I just have a gutter mind, I dunno.

Step two, lesson lap top time.  Or at least time that we're on it.  Because our music is on the laptop, and we don't have other music players.  I'm a blogger, but lately the internet is losing its luster for me.  I think being cooped up has something to do with it.  I want to be outside doing things in the warmth and sunshine; and I want to be doing these things with Lycan.  It's an itch that needs scratching.  

However, for my husband, after discovering STEAM, he's playing a Star Wars game a lot.  It's either laptop games or PS3 with him.  Unless it's hockey season...which is it.  It'll just be something we'll talk about.  I just think that by limiting our time with these two enslavement devices, we'll be more willing to go outside and be active.  Night time can be TV and laptop time; a time to unwind.  We'll see.  Baby steps.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Where Might I Be?

I've been thinking about this today and it's probably a good thing, too.  When I went into labor with my first son, it was 1:20 am, I was already home with the hubby.  I just woke him up and we went to the hospital.  I need to start thinking about the what ifs concerning this second go time.

Where will I be?

What time might it be?

Will I be alone (no adults)?

Will I have a vehicle?

A phone?

Who's going to watch my son?

I figure in the rare moment that I go into labor at home, alone, with the car, I got a plan:

  • Call mom or hubby's work (they work at the same place)
  • Dress son; grab baby and hospital bags
  • Call to see if a close friend can watch my son
  • Drive to the hospital 
  • Put son in stroller, in case I can't find a quick baby sitter
  • Get into the room and wait until someone shows up to watch my son, I guess
Most likely, I won't have the car, but I will have the phone.  So it'll be me calling my mom/hubby's work and waiting for a ride (depending on contractions, I might have to find a closer ride).  In that case, I won't have to worry about finding a baby sitter, only getting Lycan ready for travel.  

This time, I'm going to try to have my hospital packed in advanced.  With Lycan, I packed it in the evening, then a few hours later, I found myself at the hospital.  AND hopefully I'll remember certain essentials that I didn't bring last time.  Like how I forgot my purse and ID and everything!  I also didn't bring shampoo, conditioner, or good body wash.  I'm going to make sure that my bases are covered this time.  

And we'll have to remember to put the car seat back in there.  Get Lycan used to seeing it again, too.

There won't be as much preparation this time.  Mainly get newborn diapers and a bassinet.  Ugh, I just remembered that I need to sort back through Lycan's infant clothes....  I need to make a TO DO list sooner than later.  Today I had a foggy moment of not being able to remember whether or not I took an allergy pill.  I had remembered popping it out of the package, having it in my hand in the hallway, then after all, nothing.  Luckily, when I went to check the package, turns out I never did any of that.  I had meant to, but like usual, got derailed.

Definitely need to make a To Do List.....

100% Boy!

And what a boy!  At 28 weeks 5 days, he weighs 3 lbs. and he's got HUGE feet.  Right now, they out measure his femur (2 inch) by half an inch.  I oughta have pictures of him on here tomorrow, as my computer doesn't read burned discs.

Guess the Fear is Fading

I had a zombie dream last night, but it wasn't so bad.  Still annoying, but I didn't lose my babies this time.  And both were present.  As usual, the gender was clear for number two.  Squirms was just a baby sittin in a carrier.

In it, I was with other survivors, oddly enough the characters from Teen Wolf, the series, not movie.  We had two vehicles and were trying to escape the city with our supplies.  Which all mine were baby must haves: Sophie, blankie, binkie, food, diapers, wipes, powder, clothes, Tat the Cat, Wolf, and a few other must haves.

We had to dodge zombies and avoid bandit-esque humans.  It was raining, but we eventually made it to Beacon Hills, which was protected by energy from the zombie scourge.  The energy only allowed in non-infected humans and supernaturals.  Turned out that I was a Witch enough to be consider supernatural, as were my kids.

After I woke up, though (super early), I couldn't get back to sleep.  I kept trying to think of other things aside from zombies, like other stories.  All I could think of--real world wise--was winter's going away, zombies will be able to play!  If a zombie apocalypse hit, we are not prepared!  We've got huge windows, one escape route, our baseball bats are in our wrecked car, no guns, and I have no car (it's with hubby at work).  Plus, there's no much sound proofing; no quietly hiding with a baby.  And I have hammer and nails, but they're not large enough to hammer up doors to the windows.  Definitely made me rethink my zombie-proof house if I'm ever able to build one.  Sound proofing--walls, doors, and windows--a must!

Not to mention, concerning our apartment complex, there's only one escape route!  The other way is faux gated and walled up.  Aesthetically pleasing, but not exactly pedestrian escape friendly!

I tried thinking of the Victorian Age, but then I kept remembering that book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Needless to say, once the zombie thoughts get rolling, they're difficult to stop!

Eventually, I fell back to sleep when I got zombies out of my brain.  Later, when Lycan woke up, I had a hard time getting up.  I hate it when that happens.  I'm pretty sure he cried in his room for a half hour to an hour!  But when I got him, finally, he was all smiles.  Hus butt sported quite the soaked diaper.  Gosh, I hate Walmart brand diapers!  Meijer brand is so much better.  At least they cover all of his butt!  (overall, I prefer Pampers)

In other news, we've got our second ultrasound today--according to hubby's memory, since mine's shot--and hopefully we'll get a 100% on Squirms gender.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Hens Gonna Cluck

"Hens" being the name that I use for judgmental mothers, especially those who would bully, taunt, or gossip, due to their own immaturity.  They target anyone who does anything different from how they do things: from changing a diaper to disciple to names.  Ever been in or near a hen house?  It's loud and obnoxious, isn't it!  And it reeks to the high heavens, especially when the environment heats up!  Same principle. 

Clucking Hens, the more annoying females of our species. You know what?  Some men fall under this category too, because they can be just as bad.

People are full of opinions.  Some they keep to themselves, others they can't seem to keep quiet.  Some opinions are good, some bad, some eh.  Some are more opinionated than others.  

Well, no shit Witchfre, what's your point?

Let me just copy and paste my FB status:

"Over on pregnancy corner (FB page), there's a small debate going about unique names. Two of the things I got/get tired of hearing concerning my son's name are "He's never going to find a good job with that name" and "you've condemned him to a lifetime of bullying."

1) That's what's wrong with this country, judging a person's qualifications based solely on their namesake. To me, that says a lot about a company. Very shallow. Do you really want to be hired by someone like that? Looking and acting professional is one thing, but your name has to be "professional" and acceptable, too? By who's standards? What's normal? 

It's subjective!

2) How about you raise your child to not bully those with differences? If they pick it up from their peers, 
correct them, or at least try. You are their parent, you do have some power.  Your influence should be stronger than their peers.

But in the end, we're not going to get along. That's just how humans are programmed. We tend to fear that which we don't understand, and we disguise this fear in many ways. Plus, we're different, we know what we like and what we don't like. That's diversity. No, you can't change people, but you can change the world one person at a time, starting with yourself and your children. Your child might bully someone over differences, hopefully my child will be able to turn that negativity into strength. If your child hits mine, honey, you'll see him live up to his name.
"

Names.  What is it about them that makes a person's harshest judgments come spewing out?  I see it a lot on parenting or baby sites.  So much hatred, taunting, and negativity aimed towards what someone else has chosen to name their child.  I don't get it.  It literally has no effect on the the nay sayer!  None!  Yet, they feel this need to boost their ego and say something.  

Why?  It's not your life or your child.  Why do you care?  Who are you, the Child Services of Names?  No one cares that you wouldn't name your child that in a 100 years.  Good job!  Want some...some corn meal....what do hens eat, side from drama?  Why do you feel a need to display your dislike for all to see? 

They're almost as bad as the Grammar Nazis who have this overwhelming urge to correct others and show off that they know the difference between "they're, there, and their", "to, too, and two", "altar" and "alter", or "affect" and "effect".  It's like, shut the fuck up, no one cares.  Stop being an asshole.  You can keep things to yourself.  It is possible, especially online.  

Some names do need some thought, like those parents who have a last name that sounds like a cuss word or something sexual, and they name their child out of humor.  That's kind of immature, but luckily, at least in America, you can have your name legally changed.  One of my high school friends name was Chun, pronounced as "Trin"; she was named after her father (Chinese family tradition).  She hated her name.  No one could ever pronounce it right and she was girl!  In her senior year, she had her name legally changed to "Trinity".  

My best friend had twin students, one was named Egnaro and the other Ollej.....Orange Jello.  I shit you not.  I didn't believe her until she showed me her student roster. 

Some names make ya go, Huh.  

When we settled on Lycan's name, I wasn't happy with it, but I compromised.  It meant a lot to my husband.  It's for were creatures (which I love), but it's also significant, symbolizing power, transformation, and roots to your past.  Never forgetting that wild side.  I'm growing to love it.  Especially since Lycan does live up to his namesake.  I mean, he was born on a full moon, a moon I call the Wolf Moon, he was fuzzy, and he's a powerhouse.  He's definitely transforming us and has an impact on most people who see/meet him, in positive ways.

I figure, later in life, if he doesn't like his first name, he can always go by his middle name.  

It's amazing what people would learn if they asked more questions and judged less.  But sometimes, I guess that takes too much brain power to inquire.  It's easier to criticize, than to learn, or so the internet has taught me.

Many of us are going to have opinions on things, especially likes and dislikes, but that doesn't mean you have to say or type something.  Some people can be down right rude and idiotic with what they say.  Then it's made worse when other hens join the flock with their own bias, subjectivity, and knowledge of how the world works.

Like apparently they feel that if you have a different name, bullies are allowed or are obligated to target you.  

What?

And you'll NEVER find a good job or career anywhere, because the rest of the world is just as shallow as they are!  Nor should you have a good job with a silly name like "Hurricane" or "Peeta".  

Da fuck?  Is any of this base on real events or just on someone's opinion of how the world should work?

I face a lot of hens offline, from my family.  It's a generation thing.  Those outside of my generation tended to either not get it or not like it.  But those in my generation, for the most part, did.  It's not just generation, some of pop culture lovers get it, others don't.  Preferences, man.  My grandma still makes fun of his name because it's not "normal".  I just roll my eyes.  

We have high hopes for our children, based on who they are, not what their names are.  Shame that many in certain circles can't see what's really important.  But I guess it just reflects the type of person they are, or at least a facet of their personality.  

But Hens gonna cluck.  Just gotta be better than them.  Learn to rise above their flocks, stand upwind, and focus on turning your attention else where.  Preferably a quieter place.  

Ha, one of my friends asked, "WTF does his name have to do with him getting a fucking job?"


"I dunno. That's just what people have told me. I guess employers don't want to hire someone with an odd name. But at the same time, look at how culturally diverse our country is. There are many people with different names, from their culture (even if that culture is 'pop' like my son's) or religion. Some easy to pronounce, others damn near impossible, but they have great careers!"

Thursday, March 13, 2014

28 Week Check In

We visited our friends over the weekend and seen their beautiful bundle of joy: Darius Asgard.  That kid is long!  He's got long arms and feet.  Looks just like dad.  Lycan was awfully sweet to him...even if he was trying to con some food out of his dad.  It was funny.  

Looking down at the baby, which I did from afar because I have either a cold or allergies, made me realize that I don't think I'm ready for #2!  Lycan was planned, but I'm sure I experienced those feelings as well.  #2 was a surprise....and I'm definitely nervous.  But what ya gonna do?  Just deal with it.  I'm sure things will be different once #2 is born, but still.  As of now, I kind of wish I could turn back the clock, but I can't.  Damn these nerves.  

However, I'm a little more hopeful concerning breast feeding, or at least pumping, because my friend also had problems with it at first, but Riverside was extremely helpful.  She produces enough to feed him, but not enough to pump.  She also has to supplement with some formula at times.  She's been trying different methods to get a better flow, like lactation cookies (I'm not sure of her exact recipe, but I know she used white chocolate chips).  I'm hopeful!  What Riverside can't help me with, my friend probably can.  If not, I tried again.  We have stocked up on formula this time around, but it would be nice to give him an immune boost that's relatively free!


Ugh, so I mentioned that I might be sick.  I've been sick three times so far, not counting this time, because I think it might just be seasonal allergies.  Winter and Spring are battling for control, making the days very bipolar here in the midwest.  Tis annoying.  When I was pregnant with Lycan, I never got sick.  With the baby boy, he's the reason why I've been getting sick.  Sucks.  This time, I'm thinking allergies.  The other day it was around 61F and beautiful outside!  However, I felt like death.  Lycan didn't feel too bad, though.  Then yesterday it rained (then iced, then snowed), and I woke up with a small sore throat and coughing up mucus, but overall, I felt better.  Lycan has a cough, but that's it, really.  

The preggo safe cold medicines just don't do jack for me, but I'm hoping that the claratin I took does help me out.  Sucks being sick because the only stuff that works for me, I can't take!  Even with being on a low-carb diet, I can't enjoy large glasses of orange juice or bowls of chicken noodle soup without having to factor them into my carb counts.  Hafta to everything in supplement form.  Blah.  Freaking sucks.  Hopefully, we're over this quick!

Gettin closer and closer....

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Good Things

A bit of good news, just learned that another of my cousins is having twins, too (on another branch of the family tree).  Babies everywhere.

Afternoon appointment went well.  I'm approved for financial aid and almost have everything for my case worker concerning my health insurance.  Oughta have everything next week.

Instead of redoing the sugar test, they're just going to have me monitor my levels this week.  Momma's startin the low carb diet tomorrow!  Alright.  No stress at all this time, because I've done it before.  That the doctors are so supportive and encouraging.  I'm really glad that I don't have to go through the three hour test, to be honest.

#2 made it damn near impossible to get a heart reading with all of his movement.  lol.  Squirms moves so much!  Except right now, I think he's actually asleep right now.

I've got an ultrasound next week, I think, so hopefully we'll know for certain what Squirms is, although I've been getting used to the reality of having another boy.

So that's what going on now.  Be checking in later.

Oh, yeah, forgot to share, but we got Lycan's hair cut the other day--March 3rd--at a place called Cookie Cutters.  Here's his Before and After:



They offer a First Haircut Package which includes a lock of hair, a certificate, and a picture for about $18.  We'll be picking that up this weekend.  And I mean, it was brightly colored inside, they stylists were kind and efficient.  Kids could sit in seats in the shapes of vehicles (which Lycan liked), they provided toys and tv distraction, as well as a big ole mirror (Lycan loved that!).  For older kids, they have an indoor playground for longer waits.  I was impressed.

My mom said, "Can we put the lion's mane back on?  He looks like he's ready for kindergarten!"  My little handsome Wolfman.  My child can see clearly now, the mane is gone.


I Can Do Something, Instead of Whining

Three hour blood sugar test cancelled on account of morning sickness.  Blah!  Probably best to reschedule, to be honest.  This week I'm taking UTI medication, and I have to take one in the morning and one at night.  If I had waited until after the test, it would've been in the afternoon (and I'm almost done with them, I didn't want to risk messing something up and having to restart!).  So I drank a tiny bit of cold water and took my medication.  Apparently that tiny bit also affects your blood sugar.  That's just stupid.  

Before I fell asleep this morning, I got a bit caught up in watching My 600lbs Life and as an obese woman, I've got to admit, that obese people--myself included--disgust me.  Especially morbidly obese, which, thankfully I'm not, although some doctor might disagree.  Technically an averaged sized woman is considered "clinically obese".  The medical field is ridiculous sometimes.  But as one note pointed out last night, sugar is extremely addicting and hard to kick, or at least lower.  It should honestly be categorized as a drug: it, caffeine, alcohol.  Cutting down on it causes serious withdraws, like irritability and headaches.  It's awful.

To be honest, and this is probably foolish of me, but I don't put a whole lot of stock into diabetes.  Now if you show clear signs, yes.  But for a person like me who's never shown any signs, no.  I think it's fearmongering and a way for the pharmaceutical companies to suck more money out of you.  Concerning pregnancy, it's kind of hard to not ignore the tests.  The doctors are on you about that, and it's more than just you, it's your baby too.  I can be foolish about it, but not while carrying a child.

I dunno.  Though, to be honest, going low-carb again, isn't going to hurt me--I could definitely stand to lose some weight.  I'm up to 310lbs. so far, compared to my second pregnancy, when I was around 295 lbs.  Which when I got pregnant, I was about 295lbs.  I'd like to keep it up after I have Squirms.  Be nice to get down to 245 lbs.  Be nice to be able to ride rollercoasters with my kids when they're old enough.  Be nice to look at myself in the mirror and not see a disgusting person.  Even a pregnant fat person.  

With my first pregnancy, I felt so beautiful.  Probably because I was losing weight like crazy and eating healthier.  This time, I think I'm pretty as long as I don't look in the mirror.  

Watching those shows, I hear myself criticizing their laziness and bad eating habits, when I'm talking about and to myself.  Even for a 300lbs. woman I have no problems getting around.  Yeah, I have joint pain once in a while, but who doesn't?  I could even run if my life or my kid's life depended on it. See, I'm also 6'3.5.  But I've always been a big person, made worse by the mixed signals from my mom: "you're fat" to "here, eat more", then back to "you need liposuction".  

I've been steadily gaining weight each year.  Around the time that my husband proposed to me in December 2009, I was 360lbs.  By the time of our handfasting in October 2010, I was 300lbs.  By the time I got pregnant with Lycan in 2012, I was 315lbs.  After I had him, I was 270lbs.  As I mentioned above, I was 295-98 lbs. when I got pregnant with #2 and I've been loving the carbs and sugars, because I know that I'm going to be forced on a low-carb diet here soon.  Recently, I've been cutting down on the carbs and junk and focusing more on eating healthier again.  

I already know I'm going to have GD and I'm going to be on a low-carb diet.  This time, I really want to take advantage of it and get down to my target weight: 245lbs.  At least.  I want to be healthy, but also happy when I look in the mirror.  And I want to get able to go to amusement parks with my kids and ride with them, instead of watching the stuff.  It's humiliating for those of you who've never been too fat to be strapped into a rollercoaster.  God, I hate how I look; but I know that I can lose the weight.  it's just a matter of something that I've always had trouble with...motivation.

Will I?

Fears and worries, man; they are a part of the parenting process.  You have them with the first kid, second kid, and so on kids, I assume.  I'm having the typical those Will I love them? worries, for old and young.  Silly irrational fears...or are they?  I look at my son, then feel my #2 kick, and find myself wishing that we had remembered that condom!  I wish I could have more mommy and Lycan time together.  More of a family of three time.  Come May or June, we'll have a family of four.  I worry about giving Lycan attention and love and all that.  I get all emotional.  Ugh.

I'm excited about number two, but also fearful.  Since I found out about #2, I was plagued by nightmares.  My subconscious was combining my two worst fears: Zombies and losing my son.  A few weeks ago, I started to examine why I was having these vivid nightmares....when I did that, when I realized why, the nightmares have yet to return.

Overall the dreams are about me being powerless to save my son.  They're about my real fears of not being able to care for him when #2 comes.  They're about me neglecting him.  My sweet little boy.  My whole world.  Fears and thoughts that keep me up at night.  That make me want to subcome to tears when I watch him play.  Like, for real, it's not like he's dying; yet I react because the hormones make me.

It'll be a learning experience for all of us.  Lycan will be happy to have another kid in the house.  Lycan will also get annoyed and rebel, which will be exasperated by the terrible twos.  We'll learn to adjust to two; find out that we have more than enough love for both.  We'll fail in some areas, and thrive in others.  Eventually, we'll get the hang of it.  But until then, I have my annoying what ifs.  Sure, I can read up on advice and others stories of fear sharing and overcoming certain obstacles of two, but damn.  I just want #2 here already.  I want to see how we'll all react and deal and struggle and succeed.  But at the same time, i just want more time with just Lycan.  I don't think that's selfish at all.  I think it's typical and normal.

Not owning a Time Turner, I'm treasuring these moments of just Lycan time.  I'm also treasuring feeling #2 squirming inside.

Then, I get to thinking about breast feeding.  If' we're successful with latching....that's going to affect my bond with Lycan.  Having this new kid attached to the boob all the time.  I don't know that I will actually breast feed.  I think I might just pump.  Especially since I'm a SAHM, I can't have a baby attached to me all the time.  Lycan's still dependent on me.  It's going to be hard enough to muster up the energy for him along, let alone him and #2!  Plus after three months, I'm going to start working again to make ends meet.  I dunno.  Maybe I'm over thinking, or maybe I'm right on track.  Or maybe winter needs to end so we can get outside more often and focus on other things?

Freakin Parent Bootcamp PT.2.  It's late, I have my three hour sugar test in 7 hours AND a prenatal appointment.  I'm going to be at the hospital all freaking day.  Boo.  At least, hubby gets to stay home with baby boy.  I should stop worrying and go to bed.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Wish I Knew Then, What I Know Now

Over on Facebook's Pregnancy Corner, they asked what piece of advice that you'd give to new moms, that you wish someone would've given you.  So I said, "Breast feeding doesn't always go as planned, it's not always as easy as it looks. Don't get discouraged if you can't get it to work. It's not your fault.".

The dreaded breast feeding.  My boobs were engorged.  My newborn was hungry, but damn it, neither of us could get the nipple to work properly!  The nurses at Mount Caramel were no help.  It seemed like they were too impatient.  They kept telling me that the specialist was coming in; she was busy with other new moms.  After several frustrating hours, after I'd given up and switched to formula, a nurse came in and said, "Oh, sorry.  The specialist left and won't be back from vacation for two weeks!"  

Nice.  Real nice.  Makes me wonder if I had insurance at the time, if the specialist would've seen me as important...or the RN's for that matter?

No one had told me that it doesn't always go as planned.  No one told me that it's not instinctual like with other animals.  Kittens seem to know to go for the teat right away, as do other mammals.  I thought a human infant would do the same because no one told me different!

It's frustrating.  Makes me wonder how other mothers of the past did it.  Well, I guess it was breast or death, wasn't it?  Unless your were wealthy, then you could have a Wet Nurse--is that what they are?  The women who were basically hired to breast feed your kid for whatever reason?  

Let's face it, there were women who were unable to then, just as there are now.  My grandma couldn't, my mom couldn't--both because they didn't produce milk.  My SIL couldn't produce milk either.  I could, however, I didn't have the instruction and know-how to get it to work.  Having a flat nipple doesn't exactly make it easier. 

I had gone home and read up on it in my What to Expect book and online.  I tried the exercises that I found.  I talked/typed to other moms.  I tried and failed, and tried and failed.  Eventually, the pain in my boobs was too much, and I opted for a breast pump.  The manual pump was a waste of milk and time.  I couldn't get proper suction and had leaking problems.  Then I got an electric pump which worked well.  But I was so discouraged by my previous tries, that eventually the boobs stopped altogether!

It was disheartening.  I felt like a failure.  Here, we didn't have enough money as to was, and I couldn't get the liquid gold to pour.  I felt pressure from my mom and my husband.  All they kept saying was, "Well, you're just not trying hard enough."  Because they would know, right?    "You should do it this way."  "That way."  "My way!"  How about yall do it the "Shut the Fuck Up way?"

Oh, and watch some of those parenting sites, because you will run into those moms who believe that you're a bad parent if you don't/can't breast feed.  They refuse to listen to reason and have too much time of their hands.  They'll judge judge judge and call you whatever name that boosts their egos.  They're just bitches.  Plain and simple.  Don't worry about em.  If they have the time to belittle someone online, imagine how shitty their family life or self esteem must be.  

Last week, my appointment at Riverside, the lactation specialist came in and talked to me.  She even had a picture book.  She was honest and informed, with experience; and she was polite and encouraging!  It was very helpful and refreshing!  I wish I had talked to a specialist BEFORE I had my kid!  Definitely would've save me a lot of stress and tears.

Yes, my advice is before you have your kid, research breast feeding.  Talk to other moms who have and who tried.  Talk to your hospital's lactation specialist before.  Take classes if you can afford it/are able to.  And do not feel guilty or like a failure if you don't produce milk/enough milk or can't get the boob to work properly.  For some moms, it's easy, for others it's not.  Remember that both you and your newborn are new to the experience.  

That being said, I'm going to try for round two.  If he doesn't latch on like before, I've got my electric pump and freezer baggies.  I'll do it that way for as long as I can.  Hopefully, this time it won't be as defeating as before.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

A Message for the Non-Pregnant Spouses

Even when your pregnant spouse is being irrational, just fucking agree with her.  Make her feel better.  Don't go, "Oh, this is my chance to make a her see reason!"  That shit ain't gonna work.  We are not rational creatures right now.  Even if you disagree, just agree with her.

In that case, my husband can go fuck himself for making me feel stupid.  Fuck him.  Fuck all men.  Fucking assholes.

"I agree with you, but..."

No, no fucking "buts".  Just end your stupid fucking sentence at "you".  Didn't YOU learn anything the first time?

What? I Just Can't See Things From Your Viewpoint

On facebook, I follow a page called Pregnancy Corner.  They posted a comic of a woman in delivery.  The husband says, "I can get you the epidural if you stop choking me."  It's funny, sorta.  But some of those sensitive woman on that page took such offense to it.  Saying that "we" need to stop these rumors and jokes about birth being so bad and an awful experience!  It's a deeply spiritual, beautiful, and [get this] orgasmic experience!

Orgasmic:

1.
the physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ and usually accompanied in the male by ejaculation.
2.
an instance of experiencing this.
3.
intense or unrestrained excitement.
4.
an instance or occurrence of such excitement.

My first thought was, who the fuck is getting off during delivery?  Who the fuck enjoys painful, natural labor and actually delivering your kid?  The process is fucking awful, but the result is great.  I wouldn't use the term "orgasmic", but exciting, yes.  I use that term to describe damn near sexual experiences like eating certain foods and there being an "orgasm in my mouth", not pushing a watermelon through a hose.

I think a masochist, might enjoy it.

The ripping of flesh, the cutting of skin, the stretching, the agony, the breaking of bone--how is that a deeply profound spiritual experience?  It makes me wonder if this woman was high or just had an easy birth, or maybe she's never had a kid at all!  Or maybe she had a C-Section, I dunno.  Sounds like she's romanticizing it!  My first experience wasn't fun.  At all.  I struggled to push my son out.  I ripped from my vag to my anus, like many.  I had stitches inside and out, like many.  After the epidural wore off, things were good.  I pushed him out, was positively elated, then I become hysterical from losing a lot of blood.

Not that fun; definitely not "orgasmic".  Nor was it deeply spiritual, and I'm a spiritual person.  Being pregnant was.  Have my newborn in my arms was.  But the process of pushing him out?  No.  That sucked donkey balls.

We need to be real about delivery; stop romanticizing and demonizing it!  Just be real!  It can suck for some, and be a beautiful experience for others, I guess.  I don't see how, I'm not into pain, but hey, whatever.  The excitement of it "being time" is amazing.  The end result of holding that beautiful creature in your arms, there, honestly, are no words for how incredible it feels.  But the shit in between?  I've honestly never heard of a woman--that I know--who enjoyed it (natural birth, of course).  Yeah, you can light candles and set the mood, say chants and shit, but I dunno, I mean they're are other ways of having your birthing experience.  But excruciating pain is excruciating pain.  No amount of scented candles, soft lighting, and chanting is gonna make that experience enjoyable for me.  Just let it be over.  Just give me my baby.  Stitch me up and let us bond.

First kid, I had an epidural, twice, until it wore off during pushing--which I'm glad it did--that part was completely natural.  Second kid, I'm going to go as natural as I can.  I withstood hours upon hours of agonizing gall bladder inflammation pain.  It rivaled child birth!  If I can withstand that torture, I think I can withstand natural birth.  We'll see though.

Hey, maybe my second experience will be "profoundly spiritual".  Shit, I'd certainly like to NOT be bleeding to death after I push my son out.

But going back to the "orgasmic" feeling, when I was preggo with my son, I came across a program of a woman who was planning on masturbating during labor, then having her husband get her off during delivery.  What?  That's some weird, fucking fetish--turning the birth of your child into some weird sexual experience.  What doctor would allow that?  I'm pretty sure that would be considered some type of child sexual abuse.

I dunno.  The last thing on my mind is clitoral stimulation, besides, I don't know about yall, but I had a catheter in there,  plus I had a fetal monitor and a contraction monitor up inside my cervix.  Yeah, no, thanks.

There are some strange ass people out there.  As an outsider looking in, yes, fucking weird.  Perhaps it was romantic for you, but it wasn't for me.  I felt like a cyborg being ripped to pieces by a Chest Burster who got turned upside down.  So, no, it's not always this spiritual, beautiful thing.

Stop taking everything so personally, ya over-sensitivity women!  It's was a comic taking a real experience and making it funny and relatable.  And if a lot of women can relate to it, then the artist must be onto something.


***  One of my friends said this about the masturbating while in labor thing, which I had never consider, because of my ignorance:  "It's not exactly getting off, orgasming while experiencing pain blocks the nerves from relaying the pain signals. I thought it was weird too--who would try to pet the kitty while in labor? "