Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Breast Feeding Nazis

"In a few years when they’re in preschool, you will never have to talk about breast-feeding again,” she said. “So don’t even think about it. Enjoy your baby. You earned it."

The above article is about a new mom who was harassed and trolled for not breast feeding.  Little did people know that she was a breast cancer survivor and was unable to produce milk.  

People need to calm down and stop judging others for formula feeding their children.  It's not your child, it's not your life, it's not your business as to why a woman chooses formula instead of breast.  They shouldn't feel a need to defend themselves against the societal pressures of natural feedings.  Formula exists for a reason.  Back off.  

For me, it was traumatic.  I had latching problems.  I tried various methods and they were all failures.  I pumped and only yielded a little bit before I just dried up.  I felt like a failure.  Didn't help that many people around me, both offline and online, judged me harshly, said that I gave up and wasn't trying hard enough, said that I wasn't thinking about him or that I was being selfish; they made me feel like a piece of shit because I couldn't breast feed my son.  Really?  Where the fuck is the support at?  Get over yourselves!

With the birth of my preemie, I pumped as much as I could for him.  I knew he needed it.  I still caught bullshit because I was pumping!  Pumping!  Oh, and then after a month, I dried up because I didn't have the time to pump and take care of my toddler and my newborn.  Even though we could barely afford it, we went back to formula.  We sacrificed food and necessities for ourselves to make sure that our toddler and newborn were fed and taken care of, and yet I was still called selfish by assholes who chose to judge me.  Who chose to degrade me and make be feel less than some crack head who leaves their newborn in a fucking dumpster.  

I felt bad because I knew that my preemie needed it.  He needed a boost from my immune system.  

At 6 weeks old, he caught the Rhino and Corona virus' and almost died.  The virus' attacked his brain and his lungs.  He had to be sedated, put on morphine, had EEG (the one for brain waves) and EKG (heart) tests, and he had a PIC line to his heart, and he was back on the breathing tube.  Imagine how much I felt that was my fault.  Because I had to stop giving him breast milk.

Despite what I was going through, heartless ruthless bitches still chose to call me a bad mother.  My child was dying, being kept alive by machines.  And instead of supporting me, some of them chose to say things like, "If you had been breast feeding, this wouldn't have happened."  What the fuck?  How is that uplifting?  How is that going to help anyone?  You're supposed to support people in these situations, not tear them down.  What teh fuck is wrong with you?

With Kuan Yin's help, I realized that it wasn't my fault.  Things happen.  Unfortunately babies get sick and die and it's no fault.  

You know, my grandmother and mother weren't able to produce breast milk.  In an essence, formula saved us.  Do you know how many babies have died before the invention of formula?  A lot.  Not everyone would afford a Wet Nurse back in the days.  It's a common problem going back since the beginning of time, mothers not being able to breast feed.  I wonder if they had judgmental assholes on their back, too, calling them child abusers, awful mothers, and selfish people?  

You're not better than anyone else because you breast fed.  Stop giving others a hard time for it.  Instead of passing harsh judgments on them, ignore them, or be a decent human being and be happy for their beautiful bundle and the fact that they are being a good mother, regardless of how she chooses to feed them.  At least that babies alive, well, and is loved.  

Their reasons as to why they're not doing breast milk isn't any of your concern.  Get a real life, instead of trolling theirs.  You can stroke your ego in other ways.  


  1. I have recently become a peer lactation counselor for WIC. And I'm planning to use the experience in this position towards becoming an IBCLC. When I interviewed for the position, one of the questions they asked me was, "What would you say to a mother who says she doesn't want to breastfeed?"

    Here was my answer. Keeping in mind that the women I would be talking to are women who wanted a Peer Counselor, and not just women I'm accosting for no reason (as how women feed their babies is not my business).

    "I would ask them about what led to their decision. Something like, Some women don't have a lot of information about breastfeeding, some women have misinformation about breastfeeding. Some women just have normal concerns about breastfeeding. And if any of those things were happening, I would love the opportunity to provide that information, correct the misinformation, and give her some advice regarding those normal concerns. But I would not be looking to change her mind.

    I'm aware that many women *choose* not to breastfeed for a whole host of reasons, and whatever they decide, I would support them and encourage them.

    That was my answer.

    I believe that breastfeeding is the Gold Standard in baby food. That it has properties that formula hasn't begun to simulate, because we haven't even figured out everything that is *in* breastmilk.

    But formula, is not poison. It is a healthy substitute for women, who for whatever reason, choose not to or cannot breastfeed.

    Sadly, as much as women feel judged for not breastfeeding, I can tell you that very often, mothers feel judged *for* breastfeeding. We can be really judgey.

    And, for all their bluster, the national average for exclusive breastfeeding at 6 months is only about 16%. Most moms are *at least* supplementing by then. More than half aren't nursing at all.

    Which tells me that we moms are getting way too caught up in us vs. them, which is such a loss to all of us. I don't care if another mom chooses to formula feed. I just want her to feel loved and supported as she starts caring for this new life.

    Granted, I want women to make educated choices, with lots of correct information. But mostly because I want her to feel comfortable and confident in the choice she makes. Because we, far too often, have regrets about how we would have liked to have done things.

    Even moms who exclusively breastfed.

    I'm sorry that people said those things to you. It wasn't their business, and it sure as hell wasn't their place to judge.

    Of course I got in an online fight about c-sections. My last one was via planned c-section because of a neural tube defect, and apparently I lost my Crunchy Mom Card for it.

    But F*ck it. I don't need that card. I have my son, alive. I'll take that over their approval any day.

    1. I read that (about being judged for breast feeding) in the article. It does go both ways. There are trolls on both sides of the fence. All of it is pathetic. It's all about ego, competition, ignorance, and low self esteem.

      I didn't even know that there was a stigma against those who had c-sections until something I had read yesterday! I was just like, "Really?!" I almost had to have an emergency c-section with my second son because he wasn't dropping and I was in god awful pain that even the epidural wasn't helping (because it was so low in my back). As long as that child is out and healthy, who cares how they came out? And the mom, too. Why can't people just be happy for a birth, instead of nit-picking everything?

      Honestly, I don't see why any of this drama matters; how a child's fed and how their birthed. People are forgetting what's most important: Is the child happy and are they loved? Support is such a forgotten concept these days and it's really sad.