Tuesday, June 3, 2014


Why does it seem like all colic bottles have leaking problems?  Doesn't make it an easy choice for me, but I'm leaning towards NUK.  My mom had bought a couple when Lycan was young and he didn't seem to have a problem while at her house using them.  I don't want something that has a million parts or that you can't mix the formula in the same container.  I don't want something that has a million different "solutions" that don't always work.  I just want something simple, that consistently works.  Apparently that's too much to ask for these days.

Last night, I gave Avent another try.  I tried wetting the bottle and putting it all together.  It worked.  No leaks.

Next feeding, I repeated everything.  It leaked so freaking much.  I started out with 3 oz and by the time I gave up, I was down to 1.5 oz!  I tried rewashing, resoaking, hot ass water, cool water, lining up the inner ring with the outter ring valves, and a ton of other "solutions"!  Nothing worked!  It was very frustrating.  I was tempted to call on some ancient demons, sacrificing a goat, and selling my soul after it was all said and done!  Ridiculous.  Instead I ranted on Facebook:

"Avent Bottles are pieces of shit! Why over complicate a fucking bottle? You need to wet the nipple, line up the valves, two clicks to the left, five to the right, screw it on, screw it off, give it anti-pre-ejaculation pills, do a fucking rain dance for Idaho, summon ancient Sumatran Gods, jump three times while spinning in a fucking circle and listening to the Macrena, and sacrifice a female virgin goat that was born on the fourth Sunday of August during a Leap Year! Like, this shit is stupid. It's a fucking jigsaw. I'm so fucking done with these shitty bottles. I don't even know if I should donate them. They're a huge waste of money and formula! I'm just pissed off about formula, I'd be more furious if it was breast milk! Why pass this frustration off to someone else? Refuckingdiculous!

This design literally makes no sense. And that's so smart to piss off a mom who's hormones still ain't right, who's fucking exhausted, grumpy all to hell--yeah, makes so much sense to over complicate a fucking bottle. Fuck you, Avent, you stupid fucking company.
Lots of people are having leakage problems. Instead of coming up with a million worthless "solutions", get off of your asses and fix the fucking problem. I will not be recommending their bottles to anyone. Pieces of worthless, over priced garbage."

Yes, it's my official review of Avent Clear Bottles.

According to my tactless husband, he had no problems with it last night (course he was putting it together wrong, defeating the purpose of a colic preventing valve system).  As I was telling him about my problem, he continuously bragged.  Which pissed me off; he made it seem like I was lying to him or was too tired and pissed off to work them properly.  Didn't listen, just retorted, so of course I snapped at him that apparently we don't need different bottles, because he can get the Avent's to work.  He also claims to not remember them leaking so much when we used them with Lycan.  Oh, they leaked.  We dealt with it because we didn't have a choice and I was still high on the Avent Bottle Hype.

These damn bottles are gonna cause a freaking divorce.

No one should have to do this much research on a bottle.

This video is zero help.

Check, check, check, and still leakage--more than just a little.

I must just be a fucking idiot, then.  This is ridiculous, but due to having spent the money and having the nipple stages, I'm going to keep on trying until I throw one of these POS bottles through a window.

And FYI, our kit did not come with tongs.

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