Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Toxic or Just Selfish?

My step mom was over on Saturday, her and a family friend.  In our living room, as I mentioned in the post before this one, we have very limited seats and our bed is in our living room.  Maybe this is just me, but I don't sit on someone's bed unless they offer, I don't care if the bed is the only place to sit, simply because it's a person's bed.  Maybe I'm just being weird about this, but instead of sitting in the rocking chair, she sat right on our bed.  I just see it as super disrespectful.

I was in the recliner, holding Vin (lately, he's gotten clingy, and has even kept me from pumping for the past 13 hours [I have been able to pump once, though]).  The recliner is right beside the bed.  I get that she wanted to see him, but damn lady, have some boundaries!  Not to mention that every time I shifted or adjusted Vin, I (and my husband) often saw her reach for him.  What?  No.  It was pissing my husband off, because he was waiting for her to just snatch him from my arms.  And she kept getting closer and closer to me.  It was uncomfortable.

I did let her feed him, after having to repeatedly tell her to not jam the bottle down his throat.

Fuckin dumb, man.  I don't get her.  At all.  She's like a three-year-old sometimes.

It gets better.  Today, my aunt sent me an email, asking me if we had gotten a birthday present for Lycan.  I told her that we received the bag of clothes for Vin, but nothing for Lycan.  My step mom has a habit of doing this.  It's annoying.

When it comes to gifts, she'll get herself or "the house" awesome items and then gift you with crap.  I wish I could say "it's the thought that counts" but she's clearly thinking of herself.  Regarding gifts, I just don't care anymore.  I'm used to it.  But a few years ago, another aunt had gotten me a bunch of awesome Halloween decorations for my bridal shower.  No shit, my step mom tried to take the ones she wanted and leave me with the crap!  My aunt straight up said to her that she bought the decorations for me, not her.  Step mom huffed and puffed.

Apparently, she's not just doing it with gifts meant for me, but also with gifts meant for my kids.  She didn't tell us about the gift from my aunt that was intended for Lycan's birthday because she wanted to keep it at her house.  I wouldn've even known about the gift if my aunt hadn't said something!

I-I don't...even...

Since my brother and I started having kids, she does this thing where she buys the kids gifts, but they have to leave them at her house.  Nice gifts, too.  You can take the cheap toys home, but the cool toys have to stay at her house.  What?  No.  That's not the point of getting someone a gift!  It's her way of trying to get the kids to come over to their house more often, except my brother and I don't trust our dad around them (or really her for that matter), so we don't bring them around so much!  No amount of toys is going to change our minds.  However, I know it's going to be a manipulative ploy when the kids are older.  And it's going to be damaging to them!

"Look, Johnny, I got you this toy, but the only way you can play with it, is if you come over more often."

Who the fuck does that?  Oh, that's right, my dad was like that.  Manipulated us kids through toys and crap.  Eventually it stopped working when I realized what a manipulator he was.  That's where she learned it, apparently.  Knowing this, we're going to have to teach our kids, warn them, so to speak.  Hopefully, we can teach them to not be materialistic, but we'll see.  I know talking to her won't help, because we've tried already.  She just doesn't understand or care.  It's ridiculous.

It's just going to be unfair to them when they don't understand why they can't take a gift home, a gift that was meant for them.  Until they can understand, it's going to come down to us parents and how we handle the situation.

It's just a sticky childish situation.  Anyone else have family like this?  Got any advice?  Sometimes I take a step back and look at my life and ask, "This shit really happening?"

My husband says that she treats me like this--has little respect for my boundaries--because of how she views our relationship.  Which I don't even know how she sees it.  But I know that anytime I would make an awesome art piece, something that I was really proud of, she would take ownership over it, without even asking me.  When I'd say something, she'd retort with, "Well, I bought you the supplies.  I get first dibs."

The fuck, lady.

It's like she thinks she owns me or something.  What's mine is hers.  Honey, we ain't married.  Back off.  I'm 30-years-old, happily married, with two kids.  We ain't bestest friends either.  I ain't your daughter, I ain't your piece of property.  Back the fuck off of me and my family; stop being so damn possessive and controlling.  My dad is possessive and controlling over her, so in her head, she can do it to me, and like her concerning him, I'll just take it.  Like no, sweetie, that's not how this game of power of works.  You drive me away, I'm going away, and that's it.  You try to manipulate my children, you ain't gonna see them anymore.  Got it?

Try to explain that to her and she doesn't listen.  She's in denial.  She becomes even more overbearing.  Maybe I just need someone else to talk to her?  Or someone else at my side when I talk to her?  This shit is crazy.  Can't trust her or my dad with my kids.

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