For my next appointment, I need to talk to my doctor about the PPH that occurred after my son was born. Mount Caramel wasn't any help, all they could tell me was that my uterus didn't clamp down and I bled a lot. I didn't learn the term until I mentioned it at Riverside. I bled a lot. It was terrifying. I went from seeing this beautiful baby boy to having god awful teeth pain to being freezing cold. I was freezing and none of the doctors or nurses told me anything, although it didn't help that I was hysterical!
I remember the doctor having one hand inside of me and the other on top of my stomach. I remember the pain. The pressure. She was massaging my uterus to get the bleeding to stop. It was a sharp pain. I was given more oxygen. Then, after some time and some lame ass joke about getting the shits, they gave me pitocin to stop the bleeding. After a shot to the leg, I passed out. I don't know how long I was out for. I don't know what was going on during that time.
When I came to, I was disoriented. Still in the delivery room. Still a lot of action going on around me. Had a big warm blanket on me. Family were passing my son around and taking pictures (it was like I wasn't even there to them; they weren't even aware of the danger I was in!). I threw up. They mentioned something about me having lost a lot of blood. I was to take iron. I was the first to hold my son while in a twilight state and don't remember it at all. I wasn't able to hold him again until I got to the recovery room.
I wasn't even able to properly bond with my son until hours later. Even though it was out of my control, I still feel horrible about that. About not getting that initial experience that so many other mothers get. I felt cheated.
I'm terrified of it happening again. There are various factors that can lead to PPH, and Mt. Caramel never talked to me about the bleeding or possible reasons. I just learned of various reasons why from Baby Center (first link) and various other links.
For my next appointment, I'm going to talk to my doctor about how likely it is to occur again; and if we can have safeguards in place, like having blood and pitocin on hand. I'm scared that it's going to happen. I'm scared that I won't be able to hold my son, or even see my other son again. I'm trying to not think about the possibilities, but it's a reality that I shouldn't ignore either. It's a possibility that I need to talk to my doctor about and include in the birth plan.
I'm also drinking red leaf raspberry tea twice a week to try and tone my uterus, and to hopefully help to slow any bleeding that may occur.
I'm hoping that by going natural, the labor process won't take as long, there will be less stress when pushing, and hopefully that won't be another factor to PPH.
I'm just scared, and I'm doing as much research as I can and reading a lot of first hand accounts.
About.com: Postpartum Hemorrhage
Three Keys to Avoiding PPH
Scared to Have Another Child After PPH
PPH and Future Risk
Women's Experiences of PPH in Their Own Words
These women keep saying that it's rare to have two cases of it, yet many of these same women have had more than one! Talk about conflicting information! Either it's rare or it's not; can't be both, yall!
Things will be different this time. Like I typed, I'm drinking uterus toning tea, I have experience, I'm going natural, I'm going to talk it over with my doctor and hopefully have what we need on hand, just in case. And if it can be helped, I don't want to be given pitocin during labor, like I was last time. Why? Because after they gave it to me, they shoved a freaking fetal monitor up inside me. It hurt like hell! And my son got stuck on it AND it left a red mark and a bruise on his head! The ones that are outside of your body, yeah, those are fine, but the ones that go inside, NO. Especially since I plan on going natural, I want to be able to move around if I feel the need.
Which I don't even know why they gave me pitocin the first time. My water broke naturally. But they started me on it, hence why they shoved a freakin monitor up there. Mt. Caramel didn't tell me shit. I was so naive. I wish I could remember more about my birthing experience, but I really can't. I was asleep for a lot of it and distracted by the excitement of having my baby.
Although About.com says, "Some hospitals and birth centers choose to give every woman a routine injection of pitocin to help prevent hemorrhage and to help ensure that the placenta comes quickly and easily."
This time, I going to be better educated on what's going to happen, too. I was completely ignorant of everything that was going on with me. The drugs given, the reasons why. In my head, it was just routine. Ain't nothing wrong with educating yourselves, ladies. Talk to your doctor, midwife, birthing center, hospital, whatever. Ask them what their steps are during birth. If you're unsure of something, ask! If you're not comfortable, talk about it!
Labor and delivery are also going to be more intimate, too. This time, I'm probably not going to have the mom's there. Especially if I'm able to go natural, no. No mom's. No aunt. No hot heads. It was stressful. After the first epidural wore off, I was in a lot of pain, and they were freaking out and threatening nurses. How ghetto is that? I get being protective and stuff, but that's just embarrassing and disrespectful! Those RN's didn't deserve to be treated in such a way! And it certainly didn't do me any favors.
If I do have any mom's, it'll be my mom, simply because my step mom was weirdly possessive over my son when he was ready to be held. Like, she swooped in and held him before my husband did! Then she didn't want to share him. WTF? If she doesn't like it, too fucking bad. Weirdo.
Although to be honest, my son will probably be in my mom's care, so it'll probably just be me and my husband. Regardless of who's in there when he's born, the first people to hold my son are going to be the parents first. EVEN if I have to wait to hold my son, due to PPH. I want to bond with him before other family push their way in and hold him. They can wait. I want it to be intimate. Family first. Me, my husband, and my son to meet the newest addition before everyone else.
Like we're going to tell people when I got into labor, but also tell them to not show up until after he's born.
The only thing I can do, is educate myself, talk to my doctor about it at my next appointment, and have faith that everything will go well this time.