Tuesday, April 8, 2014

First vs Second

A few weeks ago, a friend asked if I was going to have a sprinkle for Vincent.  A sprinkle being the cute name for shower that concerns babies after the first one.  I told her no because we don't need much for him, except for large stuff, diapers, and formula (if I can't pump).

In planning for the nursery wall project, I found myself getting a little sad.  Lycan got a big ole party pre-birth, with lots of special gifts and cards.  Vincent, more than likely, won't be getting special gifts and cards for his birth.  Maybe I should've had a sprinkle?  Why should one child be celebrated and not the other?

My husband brought this up, too.  He's a first born kid, so he was lavished and spoiled.  I wasn't.  I'm used to coming in second, behind my brother.  But he was comparing my brother's kid to ours, in terms of celebrations.  For my niece's first birthday, a lot of family showed up for it; it was a fun, relaxed atmosphere.  For Lycan's first birthday, I think 8 or so people might have shown up for it, my step dad didn't stay and my mom was more concerned about keeping the place clean.  My brother and his niece don't count because he was in Kuwait and she was in Italy or Spain with her mom.  A lot of people who RVSPed either came up with lame excuses or just didn't show up.  Talk about a waste of money.  I told my husband, "Well, the ones who came are the important people."  We did have fun; especially my son, and that's what's really important.

My husband is so offended by it and I guess I should be, too, but really I'm not that surprised.  The attention has always been focused on my brother and on his daughter.

It is fair to Lycan?  No.  Of course not.  Later, if we have to deal with hurt feelings, we'll deal with them.  But I know that I don't want to do that to our kids, no matter how many we have--show favoritism, it's messed up.  I don't want one feeling more love and attention than the other(s), simply due to who was born first.


Here's the finished piece btw:

April 10, 2014

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