Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Almost started my post out with "Ugh", then realized that's becoming a trend I'd rather not continue.  So, roughly, I'm about 13-ish weeks pregnant, give or take.  Really hoping it's not a take, much rather be done with my first trimester as soon as possible. 

I had to quit my job because of my morning sickness.  It was just too much and I was missing too many days.  I didn't want to points myself out and get fired, so I just put in my two weeks instead.  And not a week too soon, seeing as holidays are brutal for retail.  And I'm not the type to sacrifice family time for a measly check....or money period for that matter.  I know a lot of people wouldn't want to either, but it's just not in the cards for them, therefore I'm doing my best to get the hell out of retail.  I want nothing to do with retail.  Not photography, not (clothing/accessory/food) warehouse, just get me into a different field.  Although I wouldn't mind screen printing--you know, T-shirts.  But I don't know how many places still do it the old fashion way.  Although I'd have to wait until second kid is born due to the chemicals. 

Hubby is due to go fulltime soon, which means health insurance soon.  My first appointment oughta be sometime in December, the latest being January.  We've already decided that we're not going back to the hospital where I had my son simply because of way too many bad experiences.  So trying another place. 

Ugh.....I'm so nauseous!  I've definitely thrown up way more times than I've done in my life.  It awful.  Could be worse, since I throw up about 1-3 times a week.  Last week I didn't at all.  That was wonderful.  Now the headaches and exhaustion are kicking in hardcore.  And the apathy is back.  The apathy, the temper, the rants, everything.  

Although it was weird.  I threw up bile yesterday morning and it looked like egg yolk.  After that, all I wanted was eggs.  Eggs and crab legs.

When I was pregnant with my son, I did a complete 180 with my diet.  I went from junkfood to healthy.  This pregnancy, salads have been making me throw up, and I've been junking like crazy.  Well, was.  We bought a bunch of gummi candies the other day and now it all makes me nauseous looking at it.  Now all I want is healthy food, just not salads.

The gagging, yall, it sucks.  Just had a round.  I don't just gag anymore.  I gag and pee a little.  When I throw up, it's a full on gush.  That's another reason why I had to quit my job.  The incontinence, it's sucky.  Pads/Liners overflow too quickly.  Kegel exercises aren't working.  I may have to invest in adult diapers, as embarrassing as that is, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. 

Had some ultra-realistic vivid dreams last night that scared the hell out of me.  But I need a shower after that fit, so I'll blog at yall alter. 

And now I've got hiccups.  Da hell?

Friday, November 15, 2013

Not Another One!

Another Pagan Parenting rant?  Well, I am hormonally challenged, it's bound to happen.  That and FB groups can be so....inspirational sometimes.  For example, I've got another Book of Mirrors post in the works, that I promise isn't a rant.  It has something to do with the changing of the seasons and what Goddess has been on the brain a lot lately!  So onward!

Pagans, Witches, Warlocks, Shamans, and Sages posted this question:
Good morning everyone my question for today is are you raising your children in a pagan way or are you letting them be open minded? My kids are being raised open minded.
And this was my original response....although I didn't post it:

 "I'm raising them Pagan and to be open.  Why can't you do both?  Teaching and sharing our beliefs, but also teaching them about others, as well.  What?  It doesn't work that way?  If you're raising your child in a faith, it's forcing them to believe that way?  When they're older, then can branch off and decide for themselves like most people do, no matter the faith they're raised in.  If they want to learn the ways of Witchcraft, I'll teach them my ways, and that of others.  Let em figure out what they want to do and believe in; allow experience to shape said beliefs.  I don't get why's there's this either or.  Or why most feel that you can't leave something you grew up with, when most of them probably have done that very thing, and that no, not all of have have grudges and hatreds of the previous faith.  Or why it's bad to want to share and raise your children in your beliefs; it's not always "forcing them".  Sorry for rambling and slightly ranting, I'm just very hormonal right now, and "either or" questions concerning "Pagan Parenting" are kind of a pet peeve for me.  But I'm calm."

I just cut it and typed, "Both."

I just, I hate that some people look down on those of us who raise our children in our faith.  I don't get why it's so terrible and "close-minded" to want to share the beauty of your world, beliefs, experience etc, with your children.  I literally don't get it.  And I understand how a lot of people had religion shoved down their throats and it left a bad taste in their mouths, but look at them now!  Some of them aren't of their "birth" religion anymore!  They're happy! 

I grew up in a Protestant home.  I went to Bible School and I loved it.  It was fun.  I went to church, too.  My dad read/preached the Bible to/at us.  But I never identified as Christian.  Never.  The Christian God didn't make sense to me, because of my own observations of nature and the everyday world.  I didn't understand how a single male could create life, when it--for the most part--required "mommy" do produce it.  And I didn't see what women should be beneath men, as my dad often preached, when in nature there were plenty of female animals who were leaders of the families, like Elephants and Hyenas, for example.  Some female species were even larger than their male counterparts, like some Raptor species.  Black Widows and Praying Mantis even ate their mates after sex!  For many species, in the end, it's often the female's choice of whether or not she wanted to mate with a chosen male.

And yet....women were subservient to men?

I also couldn't understand why women were often evil, when I had my abusive father as a prime example.

Now I know and knew that not all households were/are like this.  But what my father was teaching, what our church was teaching....didn't make sense to me.  I didn't feel connected.

At 8-years-old, it was Hestia, Sister Moon, and the Spirits who guided me to Paganism and Witchcraft.

Are they wrong for guiding me as such as young age?  Why is any parent/guardian wrong for guiding their children in ways that they believe are right, true, and beautiful?

Why can't you raise your children in your faith AS WELL AS teach them to be open minded, teach them about other faiths, and still encourage and ALLOW them to choose their own path later on? 

::Huffs::  it's frustrating.  All this focus on CAN'T and not enough on CAN.  I'm teaching my children to ask questions, not make assumptions and judgements; all I can do is guide them, I can't make their decisions for them.  Much like faith.  Just because I'm raising them Pagan, doesn't mean they'll always be Pagan.

LEARN WHY SOMEONE CAN INSTEAD OF WHY SOMEONE CAN'T.  Seems better than any "either or" question, or this implied arrogance of being better than another person because of how you're raising your children.  Stop that shizz, that's obnoxious.  You're not coming off as the World's Greatest Parent, you're coming off as a hateful, ignorant douchebag. 

Mouth frothing rant over. Honestly, normally I don't care what people think, but hormones do funny things to people, especially pregnancy hormones.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Ugh....Just Ugh

Every since our apartment started making us pay for water, it now smells and tastes dusty.  It's disgusting and it's not just me, it's making my son throw up, too.  Two days ago we bought a Brita Pitcher.  I've never had problems drinking from Brita pitchers before until yesterday. 

In the morning, I'd thrown up and drank from our brand new, clean pitcher.  Hydration, right?  I drank a lot of the water.  And started to have really watery diarrhea. 

I was already super nauseous from the pregnancy, hungry but couldn't keep anything down or in.  It's like if it missed the spring board in my stomach, it flowed straight through and out my ass.  Last night, I started putting the pieces together.  Every time I drank the water, I had watery poop. 

This morning, after having 0 occurances, I sipped my glass with some Tylenol, and ta-da!  Had a little bit more watery diarrhea.  So this morning, I Googled, "New Brita Water Filter and Diarrhea" and found others with the same problems.  Dear lord.  I've never heard of it happening, until a bit ago. 

We're going to try buying a new filter and re-washing the pitcher.  If that doesn't work, my husband's gonna have to suck it up and buy me bottled water because I am not getting the amount I need!


I'm super nauseous.  Our home water tastes disgusting.  And on top of it all, some 18-year-old kid ran a red light and totaled our car this morning.  My husband's okay, but damn, what a world.  Luckily, my mom and step dad are able to help out with the carnage. 

But a bit of good news, Lycan took his first steps yesterday, towards daddy, for some food.  I'm both excited and worried.  :-)