Saturday, October 19, 2013

??????????????????

So...I think I may have miscarried again.  Last night, as I was heading out the door for work, I felt searing pain rip through my right side and down into my leg.  I went to work and had to leave early because it was just painful.  And I needed to talk to my husband about it.  I was shaking, weak legged, and dizzy.  I was scared, and I needed him, a I needed a shoulder to cry on.  He suggested that it might have been a cramp (since I did have a cramp in that same leg earlier), which calmed me down a little.  He also reminded me that I had a couple of these scares when I was pregnant with Lycan, too. 

Around 4 am, I was woken up by intense pain in my stomach, below my belly button....but then I had a horrible bout of diarrhea with it and gas, so maybe that's all that was?  We had fast food yesterday that tore me up something fierce, on top of already having a sour stomach.  

Either way, I can't do anything about it, except wait.  See if I start bleeding in about a week or two.  Times like this I wish I had my own ultrasound machine.  But, maybe it's all in my head, but my symptoms have lessened.  I know that symptoms aren't constant, but this is the first time in 3 weeks that I haven't gagged horribly while changing a poopy diaper!

Some would suggest I go to the emergency room or make an appointment with a doctor, but that's how I found out the first time, through ultrasound.  And around this time of the year, too.  Needless to say, I'm a little traumatized. 

...I'd rather just wait it out, as torturous as that is.

With already having Lycan, I was hoping that I'd be a bit more positive this time around (which I was), because I know that my body's capable of producing a living, healthy, baby.  But also, being realistic and in preparation, I was hoping that even if I did miscarry again, it wouldn't be as bad, because I have my son. 

This morning, when I saw my little Wolfman, the fear and worries that come with a miscarriage did fade, for the most part.  Lycan is my main priority.   His smiles, his growth in body and in mind.  His laugh.  Takes that pain away. 

I don't know what it is about this time of the year.  I'm hoping that it was nothing and that all is well, but part of me is certain that I lost the embryo last night.  I'm just waiting for that blood now.

~)O(~

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