Sunday, December 29, 2013

Will There Be Anything Left Once It's Said and Done?

On one hand, I'm really glad that my fetus is getting the nutrients they need to become healthy and happy.  On the other, my teeth are missing the calcium.  I lost more of my molar tonight while eating chicken.  I just hope that I still have most of this tooth by the time this kid is born so I can go to the dentist and get much needed treatment.  Clearly being pregnant, there's not a whole lot they can do.  I can't get an x-ray, nor can I or will I take any prescribe pain meds/numbing agents.

Sigh.  I guess it's time for me to take some calcium supplements, because a glass of milk a day ain't cutting it.  Any suggestions?


Cutie in a Diaper, Baby Power!

Yesterday marked Lycan's first year!  And I have a new appreciation for my parents and all of the birthday parties they threw me!  Planning can be rather exhausting.  We busted out the kinks, got one party, TMNT themed, on the 28th, at my step dad's martial arts school.  Although those who said they'd come didn't, without reason or notice, well, the important people were there--the cool kids--and, yes, it was slow, but Lycan enjoyed himself.  So did we.

Cupcakes, made and decorated by me and hubby

Cake from Giant Eagle 

Also from Giant Eagle 

Photo taken by Bethewhimsy

Special thanks (although they'll never see it here) goes to everyone who came, and an even specialier thanks goes to my mom, step dad, step mom, and family friend for helping us make it all come together.  <3


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Happy Merry Holidays and All That Jazz!

This just in, my baby's walking tonight!  What a wonderful gift!

Speaking of which, Wolfman cleaned up this Yule and Christmas, and still has his birthday to look forward to come Saturday!  We already have so many toys, that I don't know what to do with them all!  Tomorrow, we're throwing out our couch (that has a huge gaping hole that swallows up cushions and Gods know what else!) and going through a lot of stuff to see what to donate....including the toys!

I know with another on the way, I will keep some of them, but there were some we had that Lycan didn't bother with, so I'll donate those.  When we get a toy box, I'll start rotating toys, too, to help with clutter and so he doesn't get bored with what he has.

I'm kind of hoping that we get more clothes than toys on Saturday.  Is it too late to ask?

Man, I see much cleaning in my future over the next few, playing, editing photos, adding to his shutterfly photo book, and then decorating for his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle party.

In reflection, I enjoyed watching Lycan open up (what he did open) and play with his bounty, more than I cared for my own gifts.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but watching his eyes light up and those gears in his brain tick tock ticking....that was magical.

As my husband just said, this time last year, we were sitting at his mom's, me heavily pregnant and him not wanting to go into work.  When we got home, we talked and he called in to spend time with me instead.  Then early on the 28th, my water broke.  18 hours later, at 7:10 pm, our son was born.  Now, a year later, we're sitting here at home, Lycan asleep, me pregnant again, surrounded by and tripping on baby toys, looking forward to celebrating our son's birthday in 3 days.  My, how things can change in a year!

So what's going on with you?  Have a good holiday?


Monday, December 23, 2013

Strange Dreams

This one seemed so realistic that I was convinced that at one time I actually had two deceased male cousins!  In the beginning of the dream these brothers had different names and were already deceased.  But then I did a flash back of sorts and saw their lives just before they died.

They were Tucker and Philippe.  Both handsome hikers.  One was a bow hunter, with a badass hand-crafted bow that someone I knew wanted to examine.  After his death, some family and I went exploring the woods, looking for it.  It was a long and dangerous trek, involving things from past dreams.

My son woke up me coughing, and I seriously had to lay there trying to pick through truth from dreamscape.  I really don't have two deceased male cousins, but man, did it sure feel like it!


Last week, I had another doozy of a dream.  In it, my husband said that he'd was in love with one of his male friends, some successful dude named Alex.  I was crushed, but wanted him to be happy.  We divorced and got joint custody.  Everything in his life worked out.  He went back to school, got his degree, started paying off his debts, moved into a dream house.  Everything.  Essentially, all of my dreams.

Meanwhile, I had to file for bankruptcy, live in a tiny one room apartment, working 2 minimum wage jobs, struggled from paycheck to paycheck, ended up losing custody of the kids, and was single.  I was literally stuck, I couldn't go back to school, I was just trying to survive and pay off my student loans, as well as bills.  I ended up losing lots of weight due to being depressed and stressed.  I was happy for my ex, but resented his happiness at the same time.

Yet despite my sad existence in this particular dreamscape, I woke up serene.  Normally, those times of dreams have different effects, yes?  But I was still happy for my ex husband.  I've been wanting to tell him about it, but the last time I told him about one of those dreams (in such a, he left me for someone else, his dreams came true, and he used my depression in order to gain custody of the kids, leaving me broken and in a hospital after a failed suicide attempt), I started balling and just walked away.


On Yule I had, yet, another vivid, detailed dream.  I was at my dad's after a snow storm.  Out in the yard, were two nesting families of Blue Jays, both with very young and hungry chicks.  I was worried about them because of my dad's beagle.  I wanted to help them, to coax them into moving to safer ground, but I was also fearful because Blue Jays are protective birds.

I don't remember what had happened, but one of the nest's didn't make it, but the other blossomed, and I got the feeling that they were going to be fine, no matter what happened...and I woke up before I could see what had happened.  Once again, due to my son.  No conclusion for mama.  I remember the Jays being large and brightly blue!  The blue of the feathers was very significant.

I've had contact with Blue Jays before, in dream and as Messengers.  I really think that it might be in response to my worry and all of these dreams of abandonment, family, and drowning I've been having lately.  Course, it could also just be hormones.

Animal Totems:

"Blue Jay is highly adaptive and will teach knowledge of survival in this world and in others. He will guide in the proper use of power to utilize abilities to their fullest potential. Blue Jay will aid in this discovery and developing personal power, awareness and higher knowledge. Blue Jay helps balance the earthy realm with Spiritual, teaches courage and tenacity along with ingenuity and resourcefulness. "

According to Divine Lotus Healing, the Blue Jay feather symbolizes:

"If fear presents itself, attack it head on with courage."

Another page, witchery, suggests that the feather could mean:

"Blue Jay feathers are valued as bringer of light and joy and are said to have the ability to brighten up even the darkest places."

As for the vibrant color, Blue represents many things, including healing, messengers, communication, trust, peace, and commitment.

I'll guess we'll see.  I did feel a significance from the flock....


Wednesday, December 18, 2013


As I sit here eating Christmas themed cookies, I can't help but feel this overwhelming weight on my shoulders.  Between bad choices and shitty economy, once again, we're barely floating.  Facing yet another eviction and the possibility of moving back in with my dad.

He and I don't get along.  At all.  Too much bad blood.  For a while, I was determined to not allow him to see my children because he's violent, controlling, verbally abusive, and very selfish.  He doesn't believe in second-hand-smoke, and will smoke regardless of children or pregnant women, such as myself.  And he smokes in bed and has, more than once, fallen asleep with a lit cigarette and set something on fire, and yet continues to do so!  I honestly blame my first miscarriage on living there.  The house is so full of negativity, the fae just feed off of it, that energy is infectious.  Anger, fear, rage, violence, sadness.

I don't allow my child to be alone with him because he is legit crazy (paranoid schizo) and is so unpredictable and abusive!  He's already flown off the handle in front of my son and I pounced like a fucking crazed She-Wolf protecting my young!  I do not trust him around my bab(ies).  I don't.  Neither does my brother concerning his daughter.  Listen, we were abused.  I refuse to allow the same thing to happen to my son.  I will probably kill my dad if he ever lays a hand on my son.

I don't want my son to be in that environment, and I'm terrified that if we move in again, I'll lose this baby, too.

Some people would say, be grateful you have someone to take you in.  Even if they're physically and mental abusive?  A danger to everyone around them and themselves?  I should be grateful for that?  What's some trauma as long as you have a roof over your head, right?

I'm terrified that he might be our only option.  I don't know what else to do.  We can't get government aid.  Husband's wages are being garnished.  I'm still having bad morning sickness.  I don't know.


Saturday, December 14, 2013

Sensory Bottles

Tonight, I tried my hand at making my son Sensory Bottles, as inspired by Pink Pistachio.

Left to Right, here be my bottles:

  1. Pipe cleaners, wooden stakes, and rice - trying to create one of those calming bottles that are supposed to sound like rain.  Close, but no cigar.
  2. Another type of calming bottle, using water and glitter.  Now, I didn't know that water does funny things to glitter, like separate it or make it clump together, but now I do.  I've done the research afterwards to learn that some people use glue or glitter gel, as well as corn starch.  However, as long as it works, right.  My next try I'll use ultra fine glitter and gel!  Ya live and ya learn!
  3. Pom poms and water.  Wish I hadn't used as many larger poms, but read #2's last line.
  4. Just buttons.  Haven't decided if I want to put water in it yet, but if I do, I may add ribbons, too.  

Tomorrow, I'm going to seal the bottles with a hot glue gun, then present them to my son in different ways, like hiding them in his favorite containers, or making treasure baskets with other items.  But my husband had the idea of making Sensory Bottles for our nieces and nephews this holiday, I may....depending on how the trial run goes.

In what ways do you enrich your baby/child's life?


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Evolution of Practice

Something's been on my mind for a while, and at first I wasn't going to write about it, but then I got to looking through some old Yule pictures and I got all nostalgic and inspired.

From 2011 to 2013, I've been pregnant.  First was a miscarriage; 2012, my son was born; and 2013 I'm pregnant again (the little one to be due in 2014).  My practice has taken a hit, obviously kids can be rather interrupting of many things, and so can pregnancy.  Before we were even trying for kids, I was very routine with meditating, journeying, cleansing, chakra work, and just everything having to do with spirituality and witchcraft.  I was growing into a strong Witch, my relationship with the Spirits was well connected.  It was great.

But being pregnant has left me exhausted and unpredictable.  Unpredictable in who knows when I'm going to gag, fart, pee, sniss, discomfort, and so on.  Distractions, right?  Not reliable when it comes to meditation!  Jackolope came to me a few weeks ago as a new Spirit Animal, one to help me with the Hedge work, and I was determine to meditate and meet with him, but my body had other ideas.  Growing a human.

Not to mention, having a child is, in itself, an unpredictable distraction!  Who knows when they'll make a loud noise or come knocking on the door?

It's just too much, too much.

As a Kitchen Witch, I still perform food and drink magiks, but those are quick and require little energy.  My bedroom use to be my sanctuary, but now it's the kitchen.  It's where my working altar is and where I've surrounded myself with gifts dedicated to Hestia.  It's the room that seems to be untouched by strange or negative energies.

I still perform cleansing rituals and things of that nature, they still keep me grounded and well connected.  They're simple.  The simple act of picking up toys or straightening up rooms, doing dishes, washing clothes, it's all spiritual for me.  Even if I'm groaning about my husband doing things that I can't understand, like tossing clothes BESIDE the laundry basket or not using the high chair despite that it's an easier and safer way to feed our son.  Some men confuse me.

I just don't do the things that I used to do, like keep up on my seasonal shrines and decorate the house.  I maintain my Hestia shrine and give offerings to the Spirits, but that's about it.  Ritual, higher spells, journeying, chakra work....not so much.  Back basic wards, cleaning/cooking magiks, etc, those are what I do keep up on.  My priorities have changed.

I'm still growing as a strong Witch, just not in the direction I originally thought.  Life's funny like that.

It's kind of funny how a person's practice can change unintentionally...evolving in another direction that you weren't anticipating  How the magik and ritual of a parent can be different than someone without kids, and later even different than someone who's children have left the nest.  It's interesting to me, even if I can't put it into coherent thoughts right now.

But here's a visual look back at some of my Yule decorations....decorations that I'll eventually get back into the swing of things, especially when the kids are old enough to understand not to touch something, or when I have the means to put them in unreachable places.

Kids definitely force you to look and plan things out differently.  I know that many Witches lose themselves in child-rearing, they become completely disconnected and depressed.  I'm glad that I'm not one of them...that I've been able to see the magik in everyday life as a house wife and mom.  No, things aren't the same, but after a while, the same old becomes just that, old.  I'm still growing, just in a different way, along a different path.






Monday, December 9, 2013

Menopause vs Pregnancy = A Lose Lose Situation

My mom's menopausal and I'm pregnant.  Plus we're both Aries.  Normally we get along fine, except recently. We're both really hormonal and for some reason she can't accept that I'm really emotional right now.  I literally cannot have any other emotion except happiness.  If I so much as show anything else, especially anger, she flies off the handle and acts like a damn child.

She just called telling me that I have to change the date of my son's birthday party because of money issues.  I'm not expecting gifts, just come and have fun.  That's all that I want.  I understand that people have invested their money in their families and in Christmas.  I get that!  I'm not expecting gifts! I'm stubborn as hell.  I want his birthday celebrated on the day he was born, but she's fighting me.  She wants his party to be in January or even February.  The fuck?  No.  He was born in December.

This sucks.  Of course I get mad, and then she says that I'm being ungrateful and that I don't understand what's going on, because apparently I'm just that stupid.  No, I'm not, I'm emotional and needed to get off the phone and talk later.  I told her that and she didn't listen.  She wanted to talk so I yelled at her and she hung up on me.  The phone's off.  I'm just, I'm fucking done with her right now.  I need time to process and calm down, but she doesn't fucking get it.

I'm this close to just cancelling it.  This is too much right now.  Just fuck everyone and do something with just the three of us.  Or maybe....have a birthday for him at my dad's on the 28th, then let mom do whatever the fuck she wants some other date.

Yeah, that would've been a great idea, having it at my dad's house, except now my husband isn't satisfied with the location.  The fuck?  I'm beyond frustrated.  Heads are about to roll, and one of them is named Dave.  I'm about to put my damn foot down.  I'm stubborn, right?  I carried the kid for 37 weeks, experienced shitty complications, went through 18 hours of labor.  I gave birth to him.  I get to decide when and where his party is.  End.  Of.  Discussion.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Almost started my post out with "Ugh", then realized that's becoming a trend I'd rather not continue.  So, roughly, I'm about 13-ish weeks pregnant, give or take.  Really hoping it's not a take, much rather be done with my first trimester as soon as possible. 

I had to quit my job because of my morning sickness.  It was just too much and I was missing too many days.  I didn't want to points myself out and get fired, so I just put in my two weeks instead.  And not a week too soon, seeing as holidays are brutal for retail.  And I'm not the type to sacrifice family time for a measly check....or money period for that matter.  I know a lot of people wouldn't want to either, but it's just not in the cards for them, therefore I'm doing my best to get the hell out of retail.  I want nothing to do with retail.  Not photography, not (clothing/accessory/food) warehouse, just get me into a different field.  Although I wouldn't mind screen printing--you know, T-shirts.  But I don't know how many places still do it the old fashion way.  Although I'd have to wait until second kid is born due to the chemicals. 

Hubby is due to go fulltime soon, which means health insurance soon.  My first appointment oughta be sometime in December, the latest being January.  We've already decided that we're not going back to the hospital where I had my son simply because of way too many bad experiences.  So trying another place. 

Ugh.....I'm so nauseous!  I've definitely thrown up way more times than I've done in my life.  It awful.  Could be worse, since I throw up about 1-3 times a week.  Last week I didn't at all.  That was wonderful.  Now the headaches and exhaustion are kicking in hardcore.  And the apathy is back.  The apathy, the temper, the rants, everything.  

Although it was weird.  I threw up bile yesterday morning and it looked like egg yolk.  After that, all I wanted was eggs.  Eggs and crab legs.

When I was pregnant with my son, I did a complete 180 with my diet.  I went from junkfood to healthy.  This pregnancy, salads have been making me throw up, and I've been junking like crazy.  Well, was.  We bought a bunch of gummi candies the other day and now it all makes me nauseous looking at it.  Now all I want is healthy food, just not salads.

The gagging, yall, it sucks.  Just had a round.  I don't just gag anymore.  I gag and pee a little.  When I throw up, it's a full on gush.  That's another reason why I had to quit my job.  The incontinence, it's sucky.  Pads/Liners overflow too quickly.  Kegel exercises aren't working.  I may have to invest in adult diapers, as embarrassing as that is, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. 

Had some ultra-realistic vivid dreams last night that scared the hell out of me.  But I need a shower after that fit, so I'll blog at yall alter. 

And now I've got hiccups.  Da hell?

Friday, November 15, 2013

Not Another One!

Another Pagan Parenting rant?  Well, I am hormonally challenged, it's bound to happen.  That and FB groups can be so....inspirational sometimes.  For example, I've got another Book of Mirrors post in the works, that I promise isn't a rant.  It has something to do with the changing of the seasons and what Goddess has been on the brain a lot lately!  So onward!

Pagans, Witches, Warlocks, Shamans, and Sages posted this question:
Good morning everyone my question for today is are you raising your children in a pagan way or are you letting them be open minded? My kids are being raised open minded.
And this was my original response....although I didn't post it:

 "I'm raising them Pagan and to be open.  Why can't you do both?  Teaching and sharing our beliefs, but also teaching them about others, as well.  What?  It doesn't work that way?  If you're raising your child in a faith, it's forcing them to believe that way?  When they're older, then can branch off and decide for themselves like most people do, no matter the faith they're raised in.  If they want to learn the ways of Witchcraft, I'll teach them my ways, and that of others.  Let em figure out what they want to do and believe in; allow experience to shape said beliefs.  I don't get why's there's this either or.  Or why most feel that you can't leave something you grew up with, when most of them probably have done that very thing, and that no, not all of have have grudges and hatreds of the previous faith.  Or why it's bad to want to share and raise your children in your beliefs; it's not always "forcing them".  Sorry for rambling and slightly ranting, I'm just very hormonal right now, and "either or" questions concerning "Pagan Parenting" are kind of a pet peeve for me.  But I'm calm."

I just cut it and typed, "Both."

I just, I hate that some people look down on those of us who raise our children in our faith.  I don't get why it's so terrible and "close-minded" to want to share the beauty of your world, beliefs, experience etc, with your children.  I literally don't get it.  And I understand how a lot of people had religion shoved down their throats and it left a bad taste in their mouths, but look at them now!  Some of them aren't of their "birth" religion anymore!  They're happy! 

I grew up in a Protestant home.  I went to Bible School and I loved it.  It was fun.  I went to church, too.  My dad read/preached the Bible to/at us.  But I never identified as Christian.  Never.  The Christian God didn't make sense to me, because of my own observations of nature and the everyday world.  I didn't understand how a single male could create life, when it--for the most part--required "mommy" do produce it.  And I didn't see what women should be beneath men, as my dad often preached, when in nature there were plenty of female animals who were leaders of the families, like Elephants and Hyenas, for example.  Some female species were even larger than their male counterparts, like some Raptor species.  Black Widows and Praying Mantis even ate their mates after sex!  For many species, in the end, it's often the female's choice of whether or not she wanted to mate with a chosen male.

And yet....women were subservient to men?

I also couldn't understand why women were often evil, when I had my abusive father as a prime example.

Now I know and knew that not all households were/are like this.  But what my father was teaching, what our church was teaching....didn't make sense to me.  I didn't feel connected.

At 8-years-old, it was Hestia, Sister Moon, and the Spirits who guided me to Paganism and Witchcraft.

Are they wrong for guiding me as such as young age?  Why is any parent/guardian wrong for guiding their children in ways that they believe are right, true, and beautiful?

Why can't you raise your children in your faith AS WELL AS teach them to be open minded, teach them about other faiths, and still encourage and ALLOW them to choose their own path later on? 

::Huffs::  it's frustrating.  All this focus on CAN'T and not enough on CAN.  I'm teaching my children to ask questions, not make assumptions and judgements; all I can do is guide them, I can't make their decisions for them.  Much like faith.  Just because I'm raising them Pagan, doesn't mean they'll always be Pagan.

LEARN WHY SOMEONE CAN INSTEAD OF WHY SOMEONE CAN'T.  Seems better than any "either or" question, or this implied arrogance of being better than another person because of how you're raising your children.  Stop that shizz, that's obnoxious.  You're not coming off as the World's Greatest Parent, you're coming off as a hateful, ignorant douchebag. 

Mouth frothing rant over. Honestly, normally I don't care what people think, but hormones do funny things to people, especially pregnancy hormones.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Ugh....Just Ugh

Every since our apartment started making us pay for water, it now smells and tastes dusty.  It's disgusting and it's not just me, it's making my son throw up, too.  Two days ago we bought a Brita Pitcher.  I've never had problems drinking from Brita pitchers before until yesterday. 

In the morning, I'd thrown up and drank from our brand new, clean pitcher.  Hydration, right?  I drank a lot of the water.  And started to have really watery diarrhea. 

I was already super nauseous from the pregnancy, hungry but couldn't keep anything down or in.  It's like if it missed the spring board in my stomach, it flowed straight through and out my ass.  Last night, I started putting the pieces together.  Every time I drank the water, I had watery poop. 

This morning, after having 0 occurances, I sipped my glass with some Tylenol, and ta-da!  Had a little bit more watery diarrhea.  So this morning, I Googled, "New Brita Water Filter and Diarrhea" and found others with the same problems.  Dear lord.  I've never heard of it happening, until a bit ago. 

We're going to try buying a new filter and re-washing the pitcher.  If that doesn't work, my husband's gonna have to suck it up and buy me bottled water because I am not getting the amount I need!


I'm super nauseous.  Our home water tastes disgusting.  And on top of it all, some 18-year-old kid ran a red light and totaled our car this morning.  My husband's okay, but damn, what a world.  Luckily, my mom and step dad are able to help out with the carnage. 

But a bit of good news, Lycan took his first steps yesterday, towards daddy, for some food.  I'm both excited and worried.  :-)


Thursday, October 31, 2013

Plague or Not, We Prowled!

 Daddy as Grandma, Mommy as Red Riding Hood, and Baby as the Big Bad Wolf!  Due to the rain, wind, and chilly weather, we didn't stay out long.  Not to mention, Lycan and I are still getting over colds.  But we still reaped the benefits of Halloween!  Many of the people we seen tonight simply loved Lycan!

 Twas something out of a fairy tale.  We even had an evil witch: Maw Maw!

Great first Trick or Treat with the babies!

Hope yall had a Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain!


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Ugggghhhhhh, I am the plague!!!!

Dude, being pregnant and sick?  Awful!  Bad enough that my nausea is so much worse this time around!  I've already thrown up more times in the last month than I have my whole life!  I'm not a puker.  Headache, congestion, snotty nose, coughing, mucus, sore throat, faucet nose, achy body, and nausea?  I just threw up my dinner.  And some of it came out of my nose.  I just hope I didn't throw up my prenatal vitamins.  I barely got to the toilet, barely got the lid up.  Still had to clean it the seat. 

And my baby boy is sick.  He got it from his cousin, I got it from him.  He's a day ahead of me and is feeling much better today.  I'm hopeful to have a great first Trick or Treat with my little man.  Weather permitting, of course, if not, SOMEONE's hosting a costume party in November.  We searched high and low for Wolfman's costume.  It's not going to waste! 

For all I'm going through 1) I had better still be pregnant and 2) It better be a girl!

Ugghhhhhhhh, I'm going to bed.  Second night I've called off.  Tomorrow night is off.  And I've learned that I was supposed to request Friday night off so we could drive down to West Virginia for a wedding.  Wonder if I'm going to be hunky-dory for that event?  Honestly, as long as baby boy is feeling better, I'm happy, even if I'm laid up.  This weekend will be the first time he meets his great grandma on his dad's side.  So yeah.  Trick or Treat.  Samhain.  Great Grandma.  BIL's wedding. 

What a week to get sick.

Oh, and Happy Big 30th to the Hubs!  Whose big birthday plans were ruined by his little brother's peer pressure wedding.  It's cool, got a plan for that, unbeknownst to him.


Sunday, October 27, 2013

We're Coming to Get You and Your Little Embryo, Too!

In realizing that there's no point in dwelling on that which I do not know, I'm just going to keep on, keepin on like everything's okay, because for all I know, everything is.  I've already told my mom, who told my step dad, who accidently told Facebook, then recanted and deleted after my mom told him that it was a secret.  So, this time if I miscarry, I won't be alone in my misery.

Speaking of miscarriages, I wrote a status update on Facebook in regards to "helpful" online sites, concerning natural soothers verses chemicals soothers.  Advice for both me and the many preggo friends I currently have (three, in counting).

First, awful nausea, worse than with Lycan.  So my step dad, who's a Master martial artist, taught me a pressure point just below the knee, that when pressed for 2 minutes, alleviates nausea.  And it really works!  "Find the indentation on your knee.  Three fingers down, on that third finger, press and massage."  I burped really loudly, and my nausea was gone.  Success without drugs.

Second, I need something that Tylenol isn't helping with.  I've had a headache for the past two days and I just need something.  Some relief, and I prefer NATURAL means.  Sleep, hot shower (usually works for me), cold rag, nothing is working.  According to sites, I can't have lavender, much less Lavender oil against the temple, so other means, right?  I generally asked my Witch friends about natural soothers, they answered, and I looked up what was safe.  And here's the rant born from that search (these brackets [] are my in-blog edits and additions):

Man, I need a real herbalist--no offense Az--look online for stuff to aid my preggo friends the natural way (for one of my blogs) and all I'm finding are mixed reviews!  This same article said that it's okay to drink some filtered Jasmine, Peppermint, Lavender, and Chamomile teas, then further down, said that even a little of any of these could cause miscarriage!  Da fuck?!?!!? 

Which is it?  Safe or dangerous?  This is what happens when "professionals" do shotty research.  Telling ME to go to a herbalist, but they can't even do the research themselves for their shitty, shotty "helpful" article.

It doesn't help to go to "professional" sites because EVERYTHING LEADS TO A MISCARRIAGE!!!!  EVERYTHING!!!  It's like cancer or autism!  Got a cramp?  Miscarriage.  Nauseous?  Miscarriage.  Gassy?  Miscarriage.   Little bit of blood after sex?  Miscarriage.  Glowing skin?  That's probably cancer and a miscarriage!  Feeling movement?  That's not a baby you're feeling, that's a miscarriage! 

Do not seek advice from websites.  Especially "doctors" or WebMD.  They will freak you out
[and make you think you're dying or turning into a freakin zombie!].  Thing is, I doubt that they even know what causes most miscarriages [as my doctor told me when I miscarried the first time; most of the time, they don't know.  Lots of women, myself included, want answers, so I guess they just throw anything out there nowadays].  A woman has one and she ingested this, therefore it must be a causer.  No.  Like, some fish and raw diets.  Those are major preggo no-nos [fish high in mercury]....yet there are some cultures who only eat raw meats and fish....and they seem to be able to reproduce alright.  Mercury or no mercury.  [now granted, most of us don't live in a society where fish or raw meat is our primary source of nutrients, but still.]

Let's just not eat or drink anything, k?  Just vitamins.  Vitamins and water.....oh wait, just not tap, because tap water can lead to.....  you guess it, a miscarriage.  By the Gods, dude.  Everything's out to kill your baby!  Natural means of soothing?  Nope, all of those things will kill your baby, according to pharmaceutical companies, but here, our expensive DRUGS and CHEMICALS are healthy for you!!!!!  Pharmaceutical companies, don't even get me started on those assholes.  Umbrella CORP. anyone?

Now some advice from our local "everything's a miscarriage" survivor:  63tt53e43w1`3tu63rse

You read it here first.

I am, by no means a professional; I don't look professional, type professionally, or even claim to be a professional.  I always ALWAYS tell my readers that I'm not a professional or trained anything, and to do the research themselves.  But a lot of websites out there claim or at least have the look of being/are actually paid to write "helpful" blogs, but they don't do the research themselves!  Or even provide links to where they got their information from, or books that can help you, links that can take you to real herbalists!  Most college students do more real research than most of these "helpful" bloggers do!  AND we're required to give a list of our sources!

Wikipedia is crap, for one.  It's fine for Fanfiction and shit like that, but do not base your entire article on that website alone. 

We have to cross-check our sources and go to unbiased sources.  We're encouraged to find more books, journals, and scientific articles than online sites.  But the same doesn't apply to some of these "professional" do and don't preggo sites.

Keep that shizz in mind, readers.  Ask a doctor, a real herbalist, a licensed mid-wife, read real legit books, cross-check, and go to unbiased resources.  Or shit, ask real people with real experience on the matter, keeping in mind that what works for some, isn't going to work for others!

Double-edge dagger, a lesson that I've learned concerning photography, just because someone's studied and has a degree doesn't mean they know anything.  Those without the schooling, yet have real experience, they're probably more knowledgeable (that's where cross-checking comes in).  Only one of my prenatal doctors actually had any kids.  One of my stress-test nurses, she was completely ignorant, and yet I'm to believe she was an expert on what was going on inside my womb?!?!!  I'm getting to the point of belief that if you're ass doesn't have kids--be them adopted or born from you/spouse--your ass shouldn't be a doctor or nurse in the field of pregnancy, babies, or kids. 

In most cases, experience trumps education.  Maybe it's just the hormones ranting here, but damn it, that's how I'm feeling at the moment.

Rant over.

*A friend of mine said something about liability.  Well, that is true, we are a sue-happy society.  Annnnd I think my step dad's original post about me having "a bun in the oven" may have been seen by more than I thought...because of one of my friends--Az--just made a public "baby-brain" comment.  I'm trying to see if she means I've just got baby on the brain, still reeling from Lycan's journey, or if I need to do some damage control....

It's one thing to have my family (mom, step dad) know, it's quite another to have the FB family know, especially if I don't know if everything's all right!

Whew, crisis averted!


Saturday, October 19, 2013


So...I think I may have miscarried again.  Last night, as I was heading out the door for work, I felt searing pain rip through my right side and down into my leg.  I went to work and had to leave early because it was just painful.  And I needed to talk to my husband about it.  I was shaking, weak legged, and dizzy.  I was scared, and I needed him, a I needed a shoulder to cry on.  He suggested that it might have been a cramp (since I did have a cramp in that same leg earlier), which calmed me down a little.  He also reminded me that I had a couple of these scares when I was pregnant with Lycan, too. 

Around 4 am, I was woken up by intense pain in my stomach, below my belly button....but then I had a horrible bout of diarrhea with it and gas, so maybe that's all that was?  We had fast food yesterday that tore me up something fierce, on top of already having a sour stomach.  

Either way, I can't do anything about it, except wait.  See if I start bleeding in about a week or two.  Times like this I wish I had my own ultrasound machine.  But, maybe it's all in my head, but my symptoms have lessened.  I know that symptoms aren't constant, but this is the first time in 3 weeks that I haven't gagged horribly while changing a poopy diaper!

Some would suggest I go to the emergency room or make an appointment with a doctor, but that's how I found out the first time, through ultrasound.  And around this time of the year, too.  Needless to say, I'm a little traumatized. 

...I'd rather just wait it out, as torturous as that is.

With already having Lycan, I was hoping that I'd be a bit more positive this time around (which I was), because I know that my body's capable of producing a living, healthy, baby.  But also, being realistic and in preparation, I was hoping that even if I did miscarry again, it wouldn't be as bad, because I have my son. 

This morning, when I saw my little Wolfman, the fear and worries that come with a miscarriage did fade, for the most part.  Lycan is my main priority.   His smiles, his growth in body and in mind.  His laugh.  Takes that pain away. 

I don't know what it is about this time of the year.  I'm hoping that it was nothing and that all is well, but part of me is certain that I lost the embryo last night.  I'm just waiting for that blood now.


Friday, October 18, 2013

That Red Monster

With teething sometimes comes diarrhea, and with diarrhea sometimes comes horrid rashes.  I was proud of myself yesterday.  Lycan had woken up screaming and crying, he had diarrhea and pooped a lot.  It went up his back.  I cleaned, gagging horribly, but I got the job done!  Wiped, changed his onsie (thank the Gods, he was wearing a onsie!), put on diaper cream (because he was kind of red around his genitals), and ta-da.  He was fine for a while.

After two water poops, he got a really bad rash on his butt.  Child was not happy.  Didn't want to sit on his butt on all.  Holding him was near impossible because he was avoiding my arm.  I gave him some medicene for the pain, creamed his butt, and can I just say that I hate baby wipes?  Have you ever wiped them across your own scratch or tender area, like your nose after it's been running for a while?  They burn!  It's awful!  WTH wipe makers?  Do they know it burns?  That child screamed bloody murder when I gently wiped his butt!  Poor little guy.  I felt so bad. 

Maybe it's just the off-brand wipes, I dunno, but Parent's Choice (Wal-mart), Comfort Choice (Kroger's off-brand), and Up&Up (Target) burn on tender skin and scratches!

So yes, he was in no mood.  I tried to get him to lay on his belly, but all he would do was stand.  I was at a loss, so I text my mom, asking her what to do.  In the meanwhile, I distracted him, which worked, for a little while anyway.  Eventually I just put him to bed, where he slept until his dad got home, and then some.

Mom suggested we take off his diaper and let it air out.  So we did.  About two hours of that, Lycan pooped in the hallway.  Hubby put him in the bath tub to clean up and that child acted like he didn't have a horrible rash on his little bum.  He was so happy and playful, splashing.  Child loves baths now.  He loves the water. 

While he was splashing, I remembered that we had baby powder!

After his bath, he dried him up extra good, and powdered his butt.  He was in much better moods after that!  Before we put him to bed, hubby put down a layer of diaper cream and powder, I'm just glad he didn't poop through the night.  Woke up in a much better mood this morning.  I fed him, changed his pee diaper and saw that the rash was almost gone.  Giant sigh of relief. 

With him teething, it's not going to be the first bout of diarrhea or rashes, but at least we have a game plan now.

Any tips or tricks about diaper rashes?


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Apple Cinnamon Recipe

Sunday, for a family pot luck, I attempted to make Apple Cobbler from scratch.  Well, I ended up making Apple Cinnamon Bread.  Happens a lot actually.  Like the first time I tried to make brownies from scratch, I ended up making cake instead....yeah, I dunno.  Skill, I guess.

Here's the cobbler recipe that I tweaked in order to get the right consistency and ended up some yummy bread-ish dessert:

  • 6 Red Delicious Apples, peeled and sliced
  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 4 large eggs
  • Some milk (I just added until I got the right consistency)
  • 1/2 cup melted butter
  1. Preheat oven 350 degrees
  2. I used a regular size cake pan, I dunno the dimensions, sorry.
  3. Peel, slice, and place apples into pan, we did multiple layers, keeping in mind that the flour mixture will expand a little.
  4. Mix flour, sugar, cinnamon, and eggs until it's lumpy and coarse (or as hubby said, "it still need to be mixed!"  No it doesn't)
  5. Pour over apples
  6. Add sliced apples on top and sprinkle some cinnamon
  7. Pour butter over dish
  8. Bake for 60 minutes
  9. Add vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce, or Reddi Whip.  
The picture will never do it justice!



Monday, October 14, 2013


All right, well after nearly throwing up on Lycan while tryng to change his poopy diaper, I'm just going to come out and say it.  I'm pregnant again, and I knew it when I wrote that one post a few days ago about my what was aling me.  So if there are anyone here from my FACEBOOK, DO NOT TELL ANYONE, NOT EVEN ME!  Okay?  Secret from the Facebookers, from family and friends.  But I'm being slammed with symptoms and need a place to vent and journal. 

Yall will ruin my reveal plans if you blab, k.  Facebook friends and family who come across this bit of news, KEEP YER YAPS CLOSED AND FINGERS TIED UP!  K?  Cool?  Moving on. 

This is good news.  Scary, but good.  Scary because Lycan is only 9 months and some change, but exciting because it's another baby.  Lycan is an....exhausting child.  Very demanding and kind of whiny and his mommy.  He gets "no" when he wants to, but he's definitely a fan of testing the boundaries.  But overall he's a great child.  I just hope this one in my womb is more...chill.  More like his/her Uncle Brandon.

I'm only a couple weeks preggo, but knew it immediately.  My sense of smell shot up, my sensitivity to odors kicked back in.  I was nauseous and gagging all the time.  I see food and I want to puke.  I think about some foods and I start gagging.  And I'm hungry all the time.  I'm tired.  Boob pain.  Heartburn.  Can't focus for too long.  And it's only been 3 weeks!

Morning sickness, damned if I do, damned if I don't.  Nausous when I first wake up.  I eat and sometimes it works to make the nausea go away and other times I'm finding myself over the toilet.  It's worse when I'm at work.  Couldn't tell you how many times I've gone running to a bathroom, gagging!  Sucks!

My hormones JUST got back to normal, and now that I'm pregnant again, it's like they're going haywire.  I'm being SLAMMED, guys!  Extreme sensitivity to bad odors is a HORRIBLE symptom to have, especially with a baby.  I literally cannot change a poopy diaper without gagging violently and throwing up.  I can't properly change his diaper.  That's awful!  Most of his poops have been pretty clean, but this recent one was messy and I couldn't wipe his butt!  I just fought through it and put another diaper on him.

Guys, I've tried some things.  I put lotions, vapor rub, and even vinegar under my nose.  Doesn't help.  I need to remember to buy some nose plugs from work, see if that helps.  It's a god awful symptom to have.

I can't have sushi.  I can't have hot dogs or deli meats (well, I can if I cook them properly), which sucks because we bought a bunch for dinners and lunches a couple of days before I took the test.  I just discovered Pumpkin Spice Latte's and they are the shit, and now I can't bash on them like I want to because of the caffine.  I can't have some herbs that I love, like lavender.  Which I recently bought a big box of lavender tea.  Can't taste batters with raw eggs--luckily, I have hubby for that.  Can't have medium rare steaks or burgers.....all of these foods I've been enjoying since Lycan was born, lol.  No more.

Won't be able to handle some of the products at work, due to chemicals (like paint thinner) and/or weight.  I won't be able to pull/push the heavier L-Carts or pallets.  Shoot, and forget crouching down to put product away!  Now that's not for a while, but still.  Hopefully I still won't be stocker by then. 

My palets's gonna have to suffer again, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.  Gotta replace the junk with healthy foods again.  I've been taking Folic Acid until we can start buying prenatal's again.  And just gotta keep dealing with hiding my symptoms at work, but the stomach bug excuse isn't only going to last for long before they--mainly the mothers--are going to notice that something's up, and I've been using that reason for 2 weeks so far.  However, one of them is 2-3 weeks late with her period, so yeah, focus is off of me for now. 

Got me, possibly a co-worker, one of my friends, and a cousin (both are neck-and-neck--20 weeks) with a buns in our ovens.

So much to do.  At least, I'll be able to get health insurance without too much problem, unless the Government Shutdown is affecting that, too.  Last time we were denied because I was too far along.  WTF?  Really?  That's bullshit.  At least with Obamacare, Insurance companies won't be able to turn me away because of a "pre-existing condition".  Fucking sharks.  Gonna get that first--in the works--before we make an appointment.  We are NOT going back to the same hospital.  Screw that.

Won't be able to get on WIC as a preggo mom until the temper tantrum has ended.  Or re-certification for Lycan.

In other news, our landlord hiked up our rent by $40.  $40.  What?  Good thing we don't have a dog anymore!  This drafty, insect ridden, small apartment is NOT worth $710, AND they're going to start making us pay for water.  The fuck?  So yeah, my mom's offered to pay the deposit on an apartment or house if we move up to northern Columbus by her (she and my husband work at the same place and she's offered to carpool).  I'm going to start to look for work up there, sooner than later.  Or at least transfer to one of the stores by her.  That and the school systems are better where she is.  Hopefully by December/January (whenever rent is up) we're going to be moving.  Yay. 

What's going on with yall?


Friday, October 11, 2013

Halloween Costumes!

Yay, I ordered my period costume today.  I'm so excited.  Had to order it in parts, but still just thrilled that I was able to find the parts needed in my size.  I am a hefty chick afterall.  Hopefully the online place I ordered it from won't disappoint.

  • Tiered Petticoat
  •  Racerback Corset
  • Edwardian off the shoulder cropped blouse

A Victorian Bustle Dress is still on my list, as well as a parasol and a top hat.  I'm obsessed with Steampunk and clothing from 1850's-1960's.  It's a past life(s) coming through, saying, "Hey, remember me?"

AND I'll be able to wear the get-up to future Ren Faires.  YAY!

Instead of wearing a red cloak or cape, I'm going to be wearing a red shawl, although I wish I could find a red parasol, reasonably priced.  A different spin on Red.  That and if it's hot, I can use the parasol instead.  But I'm really hoping it's nice fall weather. 

But we're doing a family theme:  Red Riding Hood, Big Bad Wolf, and Grandma.  Yes, hubby is dressing up as Grandma, although I think the Huntsman is better, but who am I to stop him from living his dreams and dressing in drag?  ;-)

Man, Wednesday, we drove all over north Columbus trying to find some Halloween places, especially ones that sold a particular wolf costume.  What's up with wolf costumes being hard to find?  I mean, retailers are selling some RANDOM baby costumes: triceratops, skunks, frogs, and some other horrid ideas that I can't remember.  However we found this one and totally love it!

I'm so excited!  Oh, and I need a basket to complete the illusion and for candy collection.

bounce bounce bounce!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


Having one of those days, where I wake up with a killer nauseating headache and baby refuses to take a nap without a fight.

  1. Woke up too early with a raging headache
  2. Forgot to eat breakfast
  3. Headache was so bad that I was gagging
  4. Laid him down for a nap, in which he did not
  5. Lost his binky, then couldn't find the other one
  6. After much searching found it
  7. Had to apply a ton of lotion under my lip so I could change a poopy diaper
  8. Still hungry
  9. Just laid him down for round two of naptime

Hopefully he sleeps!  I can only eat when he's asleep (because I don't like to share! And he's super demanding when it comes to food).

In other news, he's outgrown his bottle and a fifth tooth just broke through with #6 close by.

We plan on doing a family theme for his first Trick or Treat: Me as Little Red, Lycan as the Big Bad Wolf, and hubby as Grandma?  Yeah, I dunno, I think he should go as the Hunter, but for some reason, my husband wants to dress in drag....don't get it.

It today over yet?  Oh, crap, plus I have to work tonight.  UGH, FUCK IT!  I just wanna sleep!  Today is one of those days where I wish I was a rich house wife who has a live-in nanny, DESPITE that I don't need her because I don't have a job.  Except, I'm poor and have a shitty job.  Still need a nanny for days like today because I feel awful.

Week two of me feeling like shit on a stick.  


Tuesday, October 1, 2013


Proud to be an American, where I at least I know I'm fucked (especially since I'm poor and female). Didn't care about this whole government shutdown thing until I learned that WIC would be also be shut down. Figures politicians are so upset about Obamacare CLEARLY they're thinking about their citizens and not the money.  They're fighting the good fight, so it doesn't matter WIC is taken away from mothers and children who need it most.  Shit, according to most of them, it's a crutch.  That we poor mothers are taking advantage of.  (Yes, some are, but that's only a handful; unfortunately, it only takes a couple spoiled apples to ruin the bunch.  Most politicians wouldn't know poor if it came up and ass-raped them with a huge rusty meat tenderizer!)

The Great Temper Tantrum is what I'm calling this period.

We're on WIC.  It's been a great help, even with them having cut the amount they give us.

That's. Just....fantastic. Fan. Tastic. I'm holding in my sheer joy.  I might just.....explode....from my excitement.

I shant focus on this, however, even though part of this "money-saving" shutdown affects us, because there are more important things in my life to focus on.  Unlike most struggling families who also depend on WIC and other such programs, we have family who help us buy food for our son.

I don't really care for Obama (I'm moderant, btw, not liberal, republican, or democrat), nor know a whole lot about his care, but shutting down important programs like WIC is bullshit. Then again, America's not known for giving a shit about its poor, so I guess I can't really be too surprised, can I?

It's only the land of the free, if you're a rich christian male!  Oh, and straight, or at least straight in the public eye. 

It's just....fucking...selfish.  

As George Carlin said, once upon a time, "It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to experience it."  It's a shame that they only care about what's fair for they can't see people, especially infants and children as anything more than dollar signs.  Nope, they're not lives, they're cents.

I'm so disappointed in my country.


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Dave-- Ally-- Stan-- Whatever My Son's Name is...

Literally just clapped on his own, for the first time while watching this video:

Epicsauce.  I'm so proud of my little Wolfman!

And he's 9 months today. :-D


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Pagan Kids and School

Here's two interesting links to dealing with intolerance concerning public schools and Paganism:

An Essay about Paganism for School Teachers

Concerning the second link, I disagree with the author about some things in this article like "A Pagan WILL" anything.  Not all Pagans are Witches.  Not all practice magik or even believe in it; not all care about nature, nor do we have both a God and a Goddess; nor do all celebrate the esbats or sabbats. 

There are just as many interpretations on "Pagan" as there on "Witch" or "Magik".

It's kinda of generalized, and a lot of us know that most generalized statements, or most of those with inclusive terms, are false.  But at least someone's taking a step in educating the masses.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Cut a Rug!

Baby's dancing!  He has an erupting table toy that plays music, and for the first time, I watched him dance.  It was wonderful.  Hanging onto the side, he bounced up and down, laughing, grinning, and yelling--er--singing.  And he's a little ham, the more I talked and grinned, the more he bounced and giggled. 

And he's got a third tooth coming in, a top right incisor. 

He's not a picky eater at all.  Lycan likes baby mush, yogurt bites, teething cookies, mashed potatoes, sweet potatos, mac'n'cheese, cut green beans, diced apples, bread; just about anything we give him, he's eager to try. 

He doesn't care for water, though. 

Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of him.  He doesn't stay still for very long and every time he sees the phone, Lycan makes a bee-line for it.  And the camera on the cell is just....well, it's a POS.  So needless to say, I'm missing a lot of great photos of him and it's just depressing.  But for what this broken photographer can't capture on film, or memory stick, I'll just record in his baby book.


Friday, September 6, 2013

A Returning

Anyone with children knows how disruptive they can be to life in general.  I went from having 0 kids and a rather peaceful life to having one rambunctious little boy, who's thrown mommy and daddy into the exhausting world of mobility!  This has been the most exciting, frustrating, exhausting, terrifying, and joyful experience of my life so far, with a million more moments to come. 

What's this got to do with Paganism, you may wonder?

As many know, having a child throws your world out of whack, or it did for us.  Many new parents/not-so-new parents often find themselves disconnected and miserable.  Unable to reconnect with their faith, peace, and that energy.  Many are lost.  You've probably seen them in forums or reposted messages about how they want to know how they can get back into it [Witchcraft and/or Paganism].

Sleep schedule?  What's that again?  Eating?  Going to the toilet by myself?  Get out of here, people don't do that anymore.  At least, I don't.  Any time I'm about to nap, eat, or go to the restroom, my son knows, it's like he senses a disturbance in the force!  And these are just basic things.  Spiritually, things have been....neglected.  Mentally, I've still been true to myself and faithful to the Spirits and Deities--living in a way that will make them proud of me, and thus given me confidence and self-love (I've grown tremendously these past 8 months!).  But concerning physical things, like my daily rituals, well, that's another story.  My shrines are a little dusty.  Meditation and chakra cleansings are rusty.  I've forgotten many a time to give Hestia the first bites of dinner.  I don't practice tarot or cast as often as I did.  Offerings?  New/Full Moon rituals?  Sabbat celebrations?  Forget about it.

(The only thing I do keep up on is smudging my home and charging our wards!)

However, They haven't forgotten about me.  I can feel Hestia more than ever (and She's not disappointed about not receiving physical offerings!).  My Spirit Animals are still popping in with reminders.  Messengers, like Great Slug, are coming by, answering deep-seeded questions.  And Jackalope has revealed himself as my newest Guide, in relation to Sister Moon and Hedgecraft.  I do believe he's trying to get my attention concerning journeying or "riding the hedge".  I'm listening.  As for time?  I'm trying to find it.  When a Spirit or a Deity calls, I do beckon.  Or try to anyway.

One useful tool that I've found is Pinterest.  Creating E-Shrines to my various Deities and Spirits.  Finding images that evoke powerful emotions or pictures that I think They'll enjoy.  Another good resource I've found is Youtube.  How many videos have I watched about my Spirit Animals?  Couldn't tell you, but some have moved me in such way that I've been brought to tears.  But not sad tears.  Awe tears, I suppose.  I can't really put it into words....just emotions. 

I'm in my 8th month of parenthood and my 4th month as a full-time worker (after taking a year off).  I'm getting used to this new, chaotic life.  Jackalope's come at the right ripe moment!  I can feel the doors of myself opening again.  I plan on doing a spell here in a few days.  I'm going to clean off the shrines, give some offerings.  Surely the Spirits and Deities can see that I've been busy, and I know they'll understand.  Even the nit-picky ones.  I just gotta start out slow and find my nitch.  Find those perfect quiet times where I can focus my energy and be at one with my spiritual self again. 

Like Great Slug, just gotta keep moving slowly, but surely.  The one good thing about working the graveyard shift is that Sister Moon is with me most nights.  She helps me keep going.  The night isn't complete until I see Her and feel Her blessings--Her energy.  One of my nightly affirmations is, "Sister Moon gets up, works all night long, without complaints.  She only gets three days off a month!  If She can do it, well, so can I."  It seems silly to compare my work schedule with the Moon, but it helps.  It drives me to not throw in the towel, and She's motivating me with Her Jackalope helper to get back into the swing of things.

I just can't wait until my son is old enough to participate in activities and rituals that I have planned for us!  To share the joys and magik of my spirituality with him, to show him the beauty and wonder of the world, and thus allow him to grows spiritually....well, that's going to be a wonderful gift, and well worth the pains and elation that parenthood can bring.

(also posted on Book of Mirrors)


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Starting Holiday Traditions

Tis the season when many retail stores are switching their seasonal sections from Back to School to Halloween!  While on my break, I took some time to check out some of the Halloween cards, directed at kids, and it got my gears a turnin.

I think, when the kids are old enough and if they still make Halloween cards (course I could just make them myself), that I'm going to start the tradition of giving each kid a card with themed stickers inside.  I think it will be nice and fun.  Halloween is my favorite day of the year, and Samhain is my favorite sabbat.  I tend to separate the two, Halloween being more about fun and with friends and the children, Samhain being more about the spiritual side, like honoring our Ancestors and celebrating the Last Harvest. 

We can have Halloween parties, costumes, arts & crafts, and Trick or Treat, but then we can also have simple Samhain rituals like decorating the family altar, changing the seasonal shrine, going to farmer's markets and making a seasonal feast from our bounty to celebrate the harvest, giving offerings to the Spirits, remembering our ancestors and learning about certain ones, visiting and tending to their graves, and a host of other ideas.

So far, Halloween/Samhain is the only sabbat that's concrete in my mind, concerning traditions.  This year, Lycan will be joining us on our annual Apple and Pumpkin Picking trip.  I'm looking forward to it.

Still figuring out the Winter Solstice.  Here are some family traditions I'm going to carry over, as well as new ideas:
  • I like the idea of the kids getting 4 gifts: "Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read" (pinterest find).  Before we were just going to do 1-2 gifts.  
  • Probably no Santa.  I want to tie in my husband's faith, which probably means either Odin or Freya as the gift giver.  I still need to do the research on that one, I've heard either or and I want to be sure.
  • Decorating the tree.  At first, I wasn't going to have a tree, but then I figured that a lit up tree around that time of year is pretty much a universal symbol. 
  • Making Ornaments and other decorations
  • Making edible ornaments for the wildlife.  
  • Baking goodies and treats for us, family get togethers, and as gifts.  I want to instill the art of making/baking gifts, instead of the importance of how much something costs. 

Spring is a time for dyeing eggs and other Easter-like traditions that I did as a kid.  Traditions that I'm carrying other, that have nothing to do with Christianity.  They were just fun, spring themed, kid oriented activities.  Traditions that I'm going to continue, only in the name of Spring!  Except no Easter Bunny. 

I don't celebrate Imbolc and May Day has a slightly different theme for me.  Kid wise, I was thinking of May Day involving the usual Maypoles, but also May Baskets, and hearts.  Like of like Valentine's Day, seeing as many Pagans hold May Day, or Beltane, as the marriage of the Goddess and the God.  Hearts, love potions, butterflies, flowers, ribbons, growth, gardening, etc.  For me, it's more about the official signs of Spring.  Greenery, rain, flowers, baby animals, etc. (Pinterest has to be for some of this inspiration, when I've been making my sabbat boards).  Spring Equinox is the egg, may Day is the chick.  Both are about abundance and fertility in body, mind, and spirit. 

We also don't celebrate Thanksgiving (out of respect for our Cherokee, Choctaw, and Shawnee ancestors), however many traditions from Thanksgiving have also been carried over for the Fall Equinox (Second Harvest):
  • The Thankful Kernel.  It's a corn kernel that's passed around the table.  Each person says what they're thankful for when it's their turn, then they pass it on.  At the end of the meal, the kernel is buried.
  • Turkey dinner.  
  • Snapping the wishbone.
  • The Cornucopia.

Well, that's what I got so far.  Are there any special traditions, new or old, that you've done with your children concerning the holidays/sabbats?


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Small Steps Towards Community

Sigh, I need a spiritual boost.  Lately I've been wanting to find a study group, a coven, a center, a temple, or even a church that's friendly to Pagans.  I've searched Witchvox looking for leads, but either I come up with nothing, the coven or group is Wiccan specific, the study group has fallen flat, or the temple/center is located out in the middle of Nowhere!

I'm having zero luck!

I just want a supportive community, where I can grow spiritually, but in a friendly environment where I'm not constantly being judged by someone for not being a part of their faith.  Nor do I want someone's else deity shoved down my throat.  I want a place that I can bring my children to, so that they can grow with other kids, sharing in their own discoveries.  I just want a community!  

I tried "Spiritual Centers" but so far, the only ones popping up are Christian-centered.  I tried "Spiritual Communities" and got something about Reiki Centers.  Somewhat close, but not quite.  Then, I found The Columbus Witches Meetup Group.  I don't know how active it is, but it's worth a look.

So I remembered something I saw from one of the FB groups I follow--this article--something about Universal Unitarians, and decided to search in my local area.  Well I found one such church: First Unitarian Universalist Church. I've been checking out their site and I'm following them on FB, just trying to learn more about them and their message.  They say they're open to all spiritual walks of life, but I dunno, I'm still nervous.  It'd be fine if it were just me being rejected and possible judged by supposed "tolerant" and "accepting" people (I'm used to it), but it's another thing that I want to involve my family.  Especially my son.

I don't want to be tolerated, though.  There's still a hint of negativity in there.  I'd rather be accepted.

They say they're Liberal, largely, and well, I'm not.  Nor am I exclusively Republican or Democrat, I tend to fall in the middle of all parties.  Extreme-anything tends to annoy the crap out of me, because they're generally....mmmm, one sided.  Black or White.  No Gray.  I'm a Gray.  I can see all sides of the story, for the most part; and I can agree and disagree, but I'm not bound by a specific party.  I guess, I'm just another Moderate.  Maybe Independant?  I dunno, I don't really know the terms. I'm not big into politics.  I guess I'm kind of in a Fuck-Everything-Political every since Ohio took away my reproductive rights. 

And this branch of the UU seems to be big into Social Justice, at least their website is.  I'm all for it, but not to the degree that some people take it to.  As I call them, especially the Tumblr variety, the Social Justice League.  Blind.  Closed.  Their way or the highway.  Rude.  Arrogant.  Witch Hunters, for a better term.

Spiritually, I'm not that interested in Social Justice; for me, it can just be too political, and I'd rather not mix the two....or maybe I'm just missing the point, seeing as I am ignorant of UU and their cause.  I mean, this is my first time researching the local UU church.  Maybe it's not as cut and dry as I'm seeing?  I'm just not certain that the UU is right for me.  At least not this branch, but I'm willing to learn and give it a try. 

It's almost a shame that there aren't more temples dedicated to specific deities like in the days of olde, like Greece.  Be nice to just be able to visit a temple, a shrine, or a city dedicated to Hestia, or Vesta for that matter, with other followers.  But alas, this is the modern era.  Hestia/Vesta followers...and just Pagans in general--well, serious Pagans--are spread out, far and wide.

Alas, my search for a Pagan-ish community, that I can feel safe about involving my kids in, continues...  Too bad there's not a Spiral Scouts chapter near by?  Although maybe one will be by the time Lycan's old enough to join?

Any ideas, guys?


Monday, August 26, 2013

New Addition to the Family!

My nephew, Silas Cameron, was born today at 11 am:

7 lbs, 14 oz

Congrats Katey and Stephen!

Just another August birthday.  So far, we have Justin on the 24th, Silas on the 26th, and Gabrielle on the 28th.  Another Virgo.  We're hoping to have another non-August kid, lol.   Four months to not aim for are March, August, October, and December.  Too many birthdays in those months.  Most of my family is in March, including myself.  Although it would be interesting to have a girl born on mine, since I'm born on my mom's, but then, I don't know if I could handle another Aries....  Then the most of the cousins are born in August, minus the twins who're born in September.  October and December are heavy with Dave, his mom, and his brothers. 

Lycan and his cousin Gabrielle are exactly 4 months apart, her first birthday is coming up real quick.  Oughta make for interesting parties when they're all older.  Gonna have to be some cordination between parents. 


Sunday, August 25, 2013

On the Move!

Speaking of which, gotta go track him down!

Just explored mommy and daddy's bedroom. he's watching TMNT. he's taking a nap. 

Child is mobile!  Let me tell you what.  And he's not afraid of a little thing like a long dark hallway.  He may even crawl on down, and turn look, and smile at you, before continuing his journey into the unknown. 

And since daddy went and touched my vacuum cleaner, it's broken now.  I swear, that man is banned from ever touching one of my vacuum cleaner's again!  This is the second one he's broken.  I am not happy!  So now mommy's gotten creative with keeping the floor clean of particles that may interest baby.  I crawl around on his level, see what he sees.  What might be interesting and mouthable.  There's a lot that the vacuum misses!  Corners and crevasses one might not normally think to look.  Learning experience.  Diligence.  Constant Vigilance!  as Moody yells.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of this thing called Summer.  I'm totally ready for and excited about Fall; my favorite season!  Got lots planned for little man, too!  This year is my step mom and BFF's 5th annual apple and pumpkin picking event.  A nice little tradition, if I don't say so myself.  And the way Lycan's going, kid's probably gonna be walking by that time.  Take out your cameras!

Plus it'll be time for his 9 month photos.  Which my step mom and dad flopped on his 6 month photos, but I'm getting the 9 month if it kills me to save up the money for it.  If I had a camera, I'd do it myself, but I don't. 

It'll be his first Halloween/Trick or Treat and Samhain.  Unfortunately for me, despite that it's my favorite time of the year, butthole daddy has already decided on what Lycan's going to be.  Without even asking me.  Annoys me to no freaking end.  Dad's going to be Hawk and Lycan's going to be Animal, two retired WWE wrestlers.  Poo.  I wanted to find him a little wolf costume, so he'd be a little werewolf

I swear, our next kid, I'm getting the first Halloween pick.  I mean, shit, I carried him for 37 weeks and gave birth.  I wrecked my body for our family, not that it was in perfect condition before hand (plus it was a difficult, emotional pregnancy).  I should get first pick.  Not to mention that I work my ass off every day!  I work for 7 hours, then come home and watch Lycan for another 9-10 hours until daddy gets off work.  I get no sleep.  Plus, I'm still expected to clean the house?  Then get my measly 3 hours of sleep, just to get up and work the graveyard shift again.  At least DAVE gets to sleep for 8 or more hours, when Lycan's asleep.  I don't have that luxury, nor do I make nearly as much as Dave.  Needless to say, I'm a teeny tiny bit pissed off about it.  Whatever.

I mean hell, he picked his god awful name, I should get first Halloween pick.  I mean, Halloween's ONLY my favorite time of the year.  Nah, it's cool though.  And I have talked to him about it.  He whined, "But I've been planning this for a while.  Besides, it's my birthday."  Mother fucker, I've been planning this since I got pregnant!  Your argument is MOOT!  That's cool, whatever.  There will be other ones, right? 

Needed to get that out of my system, apparently.  Can't bitch about it on FB.

Although Lycan'll probably be spending Samhain with his grandparents, simply because this year's going to be our 3rd anniversary.  This year's the leather/crystal/pearl anniversary?  Maybe I'll get him a new wallet, a Redwings wallet?  I mean, I actually have a job and some money to get my husband something nice this year, since I flopped in the last two.  Not to mention birthdays and Yule's.  He doesn't mind, but I do, especially since he's gotten me things....even though I've asked him not to. 

Then again, Dave's big 30th birthday party has been ruined by his little brother's hasty wedding plans.   Been with his girl since December.  Marrying her in the beginning of November.  Ah, young love.  Get this, they're only marrying because people of their church are uncomfortable with them spending so much time together.  Da hell?  Mind yer business.  I guess that's how it's done down in the Bible Belt.  Instead of being mature adults, they go and tell the church on ya.  It's just so....childish to me.  Whatever, ain't my life.  It's not even a shotgun wedding.  They're getting married out of peer pressure.  Talk about all the wrong reasons for a wedding!

Alright, enough gossip.

In other news, my SIL is due to be induced tomorrow, so sometime we'll be heading back down to West Virginia to see our new nephew, Silas Cameron.  Going to be working some candle magik when they induce her, to ensure a quick and healthy delivery.

Well, it's just about time for some breakfast for Wolfman.  Overall, I'm excited about Fall and sharing the experiences with Lycan and family. 

So, what's going on with yall?


Friday, August 16, 2013

Well, This Sounds Familiar

Course Nora doesn't seem too bad; not a name I would'n've chose, but, you know.  As for the other, if a parent wants to name their child 'Messiah' a judge should remain impartial, as is their job, and not interject their religious beliefs into the mix. 

How many Jesus' are there?  (hey-zeus)  So why can't a family name their son Messiah if they want?  Personally, I wouldn't name my child after a deity, but that's me.  Lots of people name their children after biblical and religious/spiritual people all the time, or give them names that have strong meanings of faith.  And yet here's this person, a judge no less, who's going to rule to have the child's first name changed because of their religious beliefs.  That's fucked up.    They should lose their job over that shit.  I know it's Tennessee, but still.  Come on.  Stop living up to the southern stereotype.

Just saying.