Thursday, November 29, 2012

Today's Rant is Brought to You by the Letter 'F'

First off, I had to move today's ultrasound back to Tuesday, because I couldn't get a ride and hubby couldn't get it off.  So now I've got four appointments next week, three of them all on the same day!  Hey I'd rather it be all in one day than spread out throughout the week, ya know?  But I still have my first Stress Test tomorrow.

Okay, so this morning, whilst my stomach was making odd sounds, now that everything's being rearranged I'm never quite sure where any of my organs are now-a-days, it sparked my curiosity!  I wanted to know whether or not babies cried in the womb (which they do; it's not actual crying, it's ore or less going through the motions, practicing so to speak).  So I Googled and browsed and one of the forums ignited this Facebook rant:

"Preggo and Parenting forums are a great place to get information sometimes...until you get to the fluffy moms.  The ones who're just so.....cheesy and...I dunno, the only word that comes to mind is FLUFFY!  Fluffy, slightly different from the Pagan type of Fluffy.  Depending on your take of a Fluffy Bunny.  Like cute and cuddly, romanticizing everything, everything's Love and Light, finds the most dumb and normal things to be so sad and just sheer naive stupidity.  The kind of stuff that makes ya wanna hurl. 

One of the comments was, "It's so sad that when the babies cry [in the womb] and you can't hold them!" "It's makes me sad that there's something to make them cry." And "Poor little baby!"  "And now I'm sobbing!  I feel horrible!" 

Technically, you are holding them for one.  And two, why is it sad?  They're babies, some just cry!  Maybe he's got a cramp?  Maybe she's just testing it out, it's something new to do.  Maybe they're bored?  Perhaps mom's laying some way and he's annoyed because he can't move how he wants to?  It's normal!  Maybe the body's just testing it out to make sure it works!

Oh, makes me glad I'm not this naive and cheesy

True story.  For some reason I can't find the exact forum where I got the first couple of quotes from, and I was just, it's not important. 

Eh, maybe I'm just heartless?  ;-)  Seems to be a running theme this week.

Oh, and by the way, I'm 33 weeks preggo!  On they compared the size to a durian.  Okay.  This thing is spikey as hell.  They couldn't find a smoother fruit to compare the baby's size to?  Though the other night, I felt (for the first time) one of Lycan's more painful kicks, so I can see how a durian might be slightly accurate.  ;-)


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things

I was pretty upset yesterday, which is funny because when the incident with the bitchy nurse first happened, I was more in a mood of, "Is this bitch serious?  Is she really treating me like a 5-year-old?"  I was more stunned with a side of WTF? than upset.  It was almost comical.  Of course, moodswings tend to do so for the worst nowadays.  (<-- wtf am I trying to say in this sentence?  thanks dyslexia!)

Actually, being an Aries, irrationality and emotional moments tends to happen a lot.  Though with the hormones, I'm either apathetic, weepy, or a rage-a-holic.  Fortunately, the rage-a-hol isn't a common thing.  I actually haven't been all that whiny these past 7 months either.  Only recently has it really begun to pick up.  (in case you haven't noticed)

After talking to other women who were preggo with either GD or Type 2, they made me feel better by saying that, yes, it's typical fucked up scare tactics......because, you know, we don't have enough to worry about.  So I'll just keep on keeping on with my Aries self!  Doing what I'm doing; it ain't perfect, but I'm tryin!

Lately, Goats (which I love) are everywhere!  All over Tumblr, popping up on my Facebook feed, and on a Yuletide Blog Festival thingy that I'm thinking about doing, as mentioned in yesterday's BOM post.  Not going to lie, I only clicked the link because of the goat! 

I don't know what it is about them, I've just liked goats.  Especially if they have horns....then again I like most horned and antlered animals.  Surprisingly enough, my brother--who's 6.5 years older and we're not all that close--likes em, too.  I was stunned to learned that he wants a farm with a couple of goats, too.  That's awesome.  We are related! ...through our love of goats!

I think that Mouflon Ram is trying to tell me something.  He's my Fire Spirit Animal and has been a Companion for a long time.  He's just really fitting because we're both Rams.  Like, I'm an Aries almost to a 'T'; and of course he's actually a Ram to a 'T'....  He's fiery, and fire is both a destructive force, as well as a creative one.  It can burn and maim, but also warm and heal.  Learning to balance these two aspects are just what me and him have been doing for many years.  Also being a Ram, he represents perseverance and strength.  Gotta keep on keepin on. 

A couple weeks ago, my Water Spirit Animal came back and was churning the waters of creativity with inspiration and motivation.  Orca's also been kind of checking up on me, too.  Orca, who's more of a protector in teaching strength and kinship for me.  Now here comes Mouflon Ram.  Who, as I've mentioned, is a lot like me.  I've been feeling a bit stressed and worried and I think they're all showing up to take my mind off of my fears, which is really comforting. 

In the weeks leading up to my handfasting, many Animal Messengers appeared letting me know that everything was going to be fine!  And, the handfasting wasn't cookie cutter perfection, but it was totally us, which made it perfect!

Rams are popping up in serene pictures, along with other horned and antlered animals.  Of course, when I see em, I get all happy and weird, especially if they've got a nice rack.  Other horned goats are popping up as the Yule Goat or the Julbock a lot recently, which is actually making me excited to write wintry/Yule-ish inspired posts, and is making me excited for the Winter Solstice this year.  Especially since lately I've been wanting to skip everything and just get to January already!  I'm actually looking forward to December.

I'm looking forward to finishing the Pagan Blog Project and to doing the Yuletide Blog Festival; I'm looking forward to the Winter Solstice and to making crafty gifts for two friends...since I'm pretty sure that's all I'll have the energy for....though who knows, maybe Beluga Whale can motivate me to do other crafty things.  SIMPLE things for other family members, like Bottle Snowmen filled with candy.  And I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with the family.  Figure might as well enjoy the little things, even things like just laying in bed, cuddling with the husband without baby interruption, or laying in bed with my headphones on, jamming out until I'm ready to get up.  Won't be able to do that when Lycan's here.  Time to hang out with the BFF a bit more too.

Tomorrow I'll be 33 weeks preggo with another ultrasound. 

Tuesdays and Fridays--1 pm--are my scheduled Stress Tests. 

And I'm also starting to have weekly doctor's appointments.  So I'm up to at least 3 appointments a week now.  That's a lot of time at the hospital!

Rule 32 is an important one to keep us sane!


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

That's Me!

Haha, I got yelled at by the nurse today.  And she called me selfish.  Why am I so selfish?  Because I didn't call back when they tried calling for a Stress Test that I was led to believe was already scheduled for today.  Why didn't I call back?  Because my ears have been popping so bad lately that I can't always hear or know how loud I'm talking.  Not to mention, that they call in the morning, when my husband's at work with the phone; and by the time he gets home, due to my poor short term memory I forget.  Not to mention, I've fucking got preggo brain.  But that doesn't matter because I'm selfish! 

Oh, and I'm also selfish and stupid because I made an honest mistake in forgetting my Diabetes Diary, which I didn't even know I was supposed to bring because I thought I was having a Stress Test!

Not to mention I'm also dumb because the Stress Test isn't for me, it's for my baby and being diabetic puts me at higher risk of having a stillborn, because you know, I don't already know this.  It's not on my fucking mind every time I eat or test.  I haven't cried my eyes out over it for weeks since learning because I'm stupid and selfish.  I haven't been on top of my diet or anything, because I'm so selfish and don't give two shits about my son.  You know....because I'm stupid and selfish.

Not to mention she treated me like I was a fucking child and had me call to schedule for something that I was lead to believe was already done in front of her.  Because I'm just so damn stupid and selfish. 

At least the doctor understood.  She knows I'm not fucking stupid.  I just don't understand why they feel the need to lecture me over this shit and use these fucking scare tactics?  Cause that's so smart to use, especially on a woman who's had a miscarriage a little over a year ago!  And I've been doing great with my blood sugar, like my doctor is still impressed!  I get that some women just don't care, but that doesn't mean that we're all like that!

I honestly forgot.  I made an honest mistake and that fucking bitch of an RN treated me like I was the worst person!  Let's forget allllllll of the hard work and good things I've been doing because I made two mistakes, which makes me worse than Hitler apparently.  Obviously I don't really want this kid or anything!  Because I'm just so fucking clueless about what's going on.  Because I'm so stupid and selfish.

Good job.  


Monday, November 26, 2012

Knowing Better and Teaching Boundaries

Yay I feel better.  Apparently I just needed food...and probably vitamins, since I didn't take any yesterday.

Over the summer, we went to my husband's family reunion, and I saw something that annoyed the crap out of me.  So, being my usual self, it's still on my mind.

Okay, so there was a little girl that was pestering that crap out of this toy dog.  He growled and everything at her.  And the parents and adults around this scene, instead of telling her to stop, or warning her, they egged her on, because it was just so cute!  When the dog snapped at her--a warning snap--didn't actually bite her--she was babied and the dog was punished.


I voiced my concerns and was treated like an idiot.  They said, it's a dog, it should know to not bite a human.

So it's okay to not defend yourself?  It's okay to teach your children to keep on bugging an animal, and to ignore the warning signs...because it's an animal and you're a human?  The animal should know better?

I think my IQ dropped.

Okay, I'm one of those people who holds that alpha-subordinate mindset when it comes to dogs, because that's natural, it's instinctive for dogs to follow suit.  I'm alpha, you don't challenge me.  If you do, I'll make you submit.  If you don't, you're out of this house.  But at the same time, I think any animal has a right to defend itself, be it from a obnoxious child who doesn't know better or an abusive adult who does know better.  (or at least they oughta, right?)

And one would think that you'd educate your child on such things like, not petting an animal too hard, to not hit the animal for no reason, to back off when an animal bars its teeth, hisses, or growls, and not to run from an strange dog; but I guess things are different with my husband's family. You know, because it's an animal, it should know better.

A couple weeks ago, my BIL was over and they have a really submissive docile dog, who let's the kid do whatever to her.  The parents do too.  Whatever, it's just a dog.  They're all the same.  It's okay to hit the dog, especially when it's not doing what you want it to do.  Or because it's funny.  The parent's aren't going to correct it, so it's cool, right?  Hahaha, look how much fun our son is having at our dog's expense.  It's so cute. 

So my nephew was eating or something and our dog is well trained.  He's not going to eat your food if you leave it unattended.  Yet my nephew kept scarfing down his food when our dog even got close.  This kid even smacked our dog when he got too close.  Bear let it go.  I was pissed off, because the parents didn't tell him that wasn't okay, and neither did my husband.

So my nephew, who's 2 by the way, was loving on his dad, laughing and whatnot, and Bear got excited, because my BIL used to own him.  Bear wanted to play too; and my BIL was playing back with both him and his son.  My nephew hit Bear and my dog gave a warning snap, which pissed my nephew off and he hit Bear harder.  Bear growled and gave another warning snap.  My husband yelled at Bear, instead of his nephew!

What the fuck?

I looked at my husband and asked if he was serious.  He said that it doesn't matter because Bear shouldn't have done that.  I said, "He should'n't have defended himself?  He didn't do anything wrong.  He was playing and Justin smacked him for no reason; got pissed off and hit him harder.  And Bear's in the wrong?  Not your nephew?"

It's different if the kid wasn't doing anything at all, and Bear growled or snapped at him, but no this kid hit my dog twice, because in his house that's okay to hit the dog.  Hit the dog because you're mad, hit the dog because it's not doing what you want it to do, hit the dog because it's fun and it's not going to do anything back.

What great lessons to teach your child!  Let's treat all dogs--all animals--violently because they're all the same!  If they bite you, even if you hit em, it's okay it hit em harder and to punish them!  If they defend themselves, they're in the wrong. 

What the flying fuck?  Did I step into the Twilight Zone??!?!?!?

I don't understand this mindset that my husband's family has, then again, I have way more experience with animal nature than they do.  Not to mention, my family, even for as redneck and hilljack as they can be, taught me better.  They taught us better.  You don't pet the animal too hard, otherwise it's going to defend itself.  You don't hit an animal just because you're mad.  You leave the animal alone when they hiss or growl at you.  If they bite you after the warning signs are given, it's your fault, not theirs; did you learn your lesson? 

I don't get it, but I know that I'm teaching our children better, because that's not just fucked up, BUT it's also stupid and irresponsible!  How fuckin ignorant can you be to raise your child with that idea, and think it's okay to apply it to other people's pets?!?!  Hell, any animal for that matter!  Like this kid, when my ferret didn't give him attention that he wanted, shook Marsden's cage.  You damn straight I yelled at him...then his parents and my husband made me the bad guy, because he wasn't hurting the ferret.

It's about boundaries.  You gotta teach em to your kids, people!  I don't care if he wasn't harming my ferret physically, but he was stressing my ferret out mentally, who did nothing wrong!  I don't care that your son is a fucking toddler, even infants and 1-year-olds can be taught about boundaries!  I don't care if he does it at his house, this isn't his house, he ain't doing it here.  Teach your children better!

It's called respect.  If that makes me the bad guy and the mean aunt, because I'm doing your job in my house, so be it.  Someone needs to.   If you think it's okay for your child to act like a fucking brat in someone else house and touch whatever they want and terrorize their pets without care, you need to be educated.  It may be okay in your other friend's homes, but it ain't okay here.  I will say something about it (and I have, to both the child and the parents).

What do you in your house is whatever, I don't care, but you best be ready to teach him some fucking manners when visiting other people's houses, even if it's something as small as how to treat other people's pets!

I've said it time and time again, my BIL is a great role model for what not to do.  And not just for me.  My SIL uses him as a model too, and is teaching her 1-year-old twins better (seeing them is how I know it's possible to teach your young kids - and without spanking, mind you).  Kids are still going to be kids, they're young, they're going to test you to see just how far they can go (and not all are the same).  They're also going to have days where they're cranky and stubborn, but it's like training a dog, you have to be consistent and instill something, some form of education and respect in them.  You have to, it's one of your many jobs as a parent!  I know it's not always easy and I know it takes work, like I said, it's like animal training, consistency and patience are major components in most lessons!

Who ever said that being a parent was easy?

I've had this talk many times with my husband, to the point where he's actually said something to his brother about it.  I don't wanna tell you how to raise your kids--apparently I don't have any experience in that field, yet.  I'm just asking that you teach them respect in my home, at least.  If this makes me a whiny bitch who doesn't know shit about children, so be it.  But I've seen time and time again that's fucking possible to teach your unruly kids about respect.  It's best to do it when they're young, and yes you can do it in a positive fashion!  Positive reinforcement!  Teaching them to not do something doesn't need to be something negative, and I don't think they understand that. 

By the way, I'm not the only bad guy, so's grandma because she doesn't just let him do whatever the fuck he wants at anyone's house, not even his own.  And that mindset of "oh, he's a toddler, they're impossible" doesn't phase her.  She's raised 4 kids.  She's a little meaner than I am.  I just yell or stop him by getting his attention with a stern voice.  She yells and spanks (on the hand), whereas it's not my place to spank someone else's kids.

So these are just the things that've been on my mind--things that I'm going to teach my children better about, or at least try.  At least TRY.   T-R-Y, BIL.  I just wanna know how he's going to react when his son takes this thought of "it's okay to hit" out on his sister when she annoys him (or other kids)?  What, egg him on?  Reward him, but punish her?  Am I pushing it a bit?  Yeah, but think if it from your kids point of view.  It's gotta be confusing.  Or maybe he should just know better because he's a human and humans, like animals, are just born with those instincts. 

Maybe my BIL's right, maybe I am just a whiny bitch who doesn't know shit about parenting and therefore should keep my mouth shut, especially when it comes to what his kids can do in my house and to my pets?   Hm.



Ugh, I woke up feeling like crap.  My heart rate felt like it was up, though being preggo, I know that a woman's heart rate tends to go up a little anyway, so I can't tell if it's normal.  Though mine also tends to go up when I'm about to throw up.  I did gag a few times.  And I'm shaky.  I thought maybe it was my blood sugar, due to only eating three small meals yesterday, which only added up to around 120 carbs.  But I tested and it was normal. 

So I drank a bunch of water, took my prenatals, ate some fruit and a slice of whole wheat bread.  Though my stomach's aching and I'm tasting milk.  I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have had that drink of milk before bed last night.  It's either milk related or icky hormonal stuff. 

In ankle news, it does feel a little better today, still hurts of course.  I won't be going on any brisk walks later, but at least I can walk to the bathroom by myself.  You know, when I first hurt my ankle, all I wanted to do was take a hot shower....I thought that was strange.  Though I may take one today, I just don't think I can take standing there for too long. 

Man, having some tums or whatever stomach coater that my doctor said I could use--something that starts with an "m"--would be great right now.  Didn't sleep so good last night, I might try to get some sleep now. 



Sunday, November 25, 2012

Oh Bloody Hell

This morning, around 3:30 am, as I'm sleepily walking from one car to another, I stepped, heard two pops, and fell on the ground.  I just laid there for a minute crying.  I was tired and hurting.  No help to my husband who was trying to get me to calm down so I could tell em what happened and what hurt.  All I could say was, "My ankle" and "Don't put that shoe on!"

I sat up, my opposite leg was hurting, too, possibly skinned.  The side of my stomach was hurting a tad, but I could tell it was only surface pain.  I looked at my ankle, moved my toes and rotated my foot.  No bruising, no swelling that I could see.

I don't remember how I fell, only that my knee, shin, wrist, and ankles were hurting.  Hubby helped me up and I got into the car.  I didn't feel much pain, because my feet were freezing.  I was shivering and crying.

I was able to walk into the house and we found a mess left by our old dog, left out of spite.  Hubby reacted to that, while I had a gagging fit at the door, then sat down on the couch.  My ankle was throbbing a little bit, a little swollen, still no bruising.  I looked at everything else that was hurting, which was red and slightly skinned.  My belly was all right.  Lycan was moving and I was tracking him, until I felt he was fine.  I was trying to keep calm and not stress him out.

Took some Tylenol and limped to bed.  Hubby brought me pillows to prop my foot up on and a frozen bag of buttered corn.  As my body warmed, then the pain came on.  My ankle hurt so freaking bad.  Didn't help that I was also having typical preggo pains, like achey hips and knees, and needed to add padding to my stomach.

Eventually the tylenol kicked in and I fell asleep.

Around 8 this morning, I had to pee.  Typical.  I sat up, tested my ankle a little bit.  Didn't hurt as bad.  I sleepily limped to the bathroom and as I was sitting there, searing agonizing pain ripped through my ankle and leg.  I could barely walk back to the bed, and the walk isn't even far.  I just couldn't put any weight on my ankle.  I was nauseous and seriously thought I was going to pass out, but I pushed through and made it to the bed.   Everything hurt at that point.  My ankle, my hip, my knee.  Hubby looked at it, said it was pretty swollen, but no bruising.  I took more tylenol, propped it back up, then cried myself to sleep.

Around 11, I woke up with hip achey pain, just thinking about how much this sucked.  I didn't think I'd be able to walk out to the car if I had to.  I monitored Lycan's movements.  Prayed that I wouldn't have to pee for a while, though knowing that I needed to drink my water, test my blood, and eat.  Do all that.  My ankle hurt with movement, but I was able to move, flex, and bend my toes without too much pain.  But my ankle was stiff and in agonizing pain if I tried to move it.

I couldn't lay on my back.

The night before, sitting up rested him right on my bladder--I pee so much at our friends' house, so I really didn't want to risk sitting up to have that happen again. 

My hips were achey.

My ankle forced me to lay on one side. Which I eventually said, "Fuck it" to and risked the pain to lay on my left side, try to relieve my other discomforts.

I was worried that I'd broken it or something.  I'm not a bruiser.  When I broke my wrist, it never bruised.  When I broke my elbow, it never bruised.  Though when I broke my foot, it did.  The hardest falls or injuries don't always yield bruises for me.  Sometimes the lightest, most insignificant pains do.  Bruises are not a tale-tell sign for me of serious injury.

I was also worried about Lycan, but I'm pretty sure he's fine.  Still doing his movements.  No cramping.  No blood.  Nothing.  Just some growing pains.   My stomach doesn't feel any different.  Nothing down there does.

Around noon, there was no testing of the ankle, that shit was hurting.  Hubby had to help me to the bathroom and back.  Propped it up, wrapped it, put another frozen bag on it.  I ate.  Tested my blood.  I can sit around the house a lot of the day, but I can not lay around all day, I've realized.  I really hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to be on bed rest during this pregnancy.  But the swelling had gone down a lot.  I fell asleep--mostly out of boredom.  When I woke up a bit ago, I peed and found that it didn't hurt as bad.  I can put more weight on it than this morning.  Still hurts of course, but I'm not standing there wishing I'd never got out of bed.  Like I said, I can actually move around a little bit more.

After I got back to bed, I decided that it was strong enough that I could make it to the sofa.  I was bored!  Figured, either place I'm going to have my ankle in pain and propped up, might as well have some entertainment!

I definitely don't have my carbs in today nor have I been testing, and quite frankly, I don't care right now.  My doctor can bitch about it on Tuesday if she wants.  I've only had about 66 carbs today, so far.  I'm about to add another 60 for my lunch count, so that's a little something more.  I definitely want to eat a serving of fruit, veggies, and milk before the nights up (I've already had grain and protein).

And if I'm still in a lot of pain tomorrow, then we're going to go to the doctor.  I'd rather go tomorrow, then struggle in to the clinic on Tuesday for my stress test.  Only to have them lecture me about why I didn't go to the doctor when it happened.  Which honestly, I probably should have, really to have a professional check to see that my son's okay, since I don't know a whole lot about the potential problems with falling while pregnant (even just small ones).  And I really hope that I didn't make the mistake of not going.  Really bothers me that I can't remember how I fell or how hard I landed.  Though it could just be typical preggo worries.

I can tell you this, out of all the times I've hurt my ankles, this is by far the most painful.  I really wish we had some crutches laying around.  Like, I was raised that if it's not broken or bleeding (or you don't have a high fever), there's not much a doctor's going to do for you.  It's like when you break finger or a toe.  They'll just tape it up and send ya home.  Hello high hospital bill.  Hubby thinks I just rolled or sprained it.  I'm hoping it's not fractured.   I've had my ankles pop before, and turned out they just needed to pop.  But I dunno. 

This pregnancy's all ready complicated enough without a injured ankle!  I'm hoping that I just need a couple days of rest, tylenol, and propping, and that I won't need to go to the doctor.  Easier said than done without having stress tests this week; but I do have an ultrasound this week, too, so that's some ease.  Like I said, we'll see. 


Friday, November 23, 2012

My Glass Case of Emotion Has Cracked....

Today's been an emotional ass day. 

First I slept until like 1pm, then I was happy, then angry, then weepy, then mad at everyone and everything, then had one of those gross cliched know, with the snot drippin and stickin  to everything, then I was in a fuck it all mood!  I felt like a failure and was annoyed with everyone giving me unwanted lectures, advice, and to stop treating me like I don't realize how bad diabetes is.  I was hurt when my dad didn't invite us to dinner yesterday.  I felt trapped by being shut up in the house and by the flea war.  I was feeling guilty about not watching a movie with the hubby (instead of stormed off because he was annoying me, enough though he was just trying to do something nice).  Then back in the Fuck It All Mood, along with I'M EATIN TWO COOKIES, GLASS OF MILK, AND A BOWL OF GREENBEANS.  FUCK G.D.!  Then I was happy again.  And I'm still happy. 

It's been a roller coaster.  Oh, then someone on some random Pagan site set me off about Pagan Parenting (when it was completely unintentional on their part; but those preggo hormones make just about EVERYTHING INTENTIONAL).  But now I'm good. 


For now.

Our Little Moon, which now sits on my Deity Shrine.

Hubby bought me Brave, because he felt that I needed a pick me up (even though we REALLY don't have the money for it), we put together a 3D Moon Puzzle (didn't think we were smart enough for that!), and we just ate Chinese.  I'm smarter about the carbs things this time around, didn't nearly eat everything this time, so hopefully my BS won't be sky high next test.

EMOTIONAL!!!!    Another reason why I can't wait until Lycan decides it's show time.  In which case, hubby wants to me take a page out of Juno's book and announce: "THUNDER CATS ARE GO!!!!"


I Don't Agree with Pagan Parenting! Wah wah wah!!!

I don't get that mindset of "You shouldn't raise your children in your faith".  Though I do understand where it comes from, as many do come from families where it's already picked out for them before they can make a choice.  But at the same time.....apparently they're not of that religion, so what's the problem? 

Obviously, when a faith is already picked, most of the time it's out of love.  Now granted some families are pretty closed or ignorant of other belief systems (and lots see others as false or make believe), but at the same time, when you're a teenager or a grown ass adult, you're able to make the choice to educate yourself.  It's not set in stone. 

Like I've been a Pagan Witch for over 20 years, yet nothing stopping me from switching to another religion, other than ignorance, if I so choose.  (Though I agree you can't become X over night; it takes dedication, education, and time.)

Guess what?  Just because you were baptized, or others have Wiccaning/Paganings for their children (the Pagan equivalent of a deity blessing), doesn't mean it's set in stone.  It's a blessing!  Generally something done out of love and care!  Not so that you can't choose a different faith when you're old enough!  Most likely your parents didn't do it out of control.  Do you get all pissy when something says, "God Bless you" when you sneeze?  If so, you may want to rethink your life.  Instead of taking everything as an personal insult or attack, see that generally people are actually doing and saying things to be polite, or out of the goodness of their hearts.  Damn.

Some people love to be the victims.

If you're Pagan and you want to raise your children in a Pagan household, so be it.  It's your choice.  For me, there's not a define line between Pagan, Witch, and Mundane.  They're one in the same.  So yeah, I'm going to share it with my children.  Yeah, I'm going to raise them Pagan.  My path gives me joy, peace, and wonder. Is it so wrong that I want to teach my children about my faith?  No, it's not.  It's done out of love. As parents, it's only natural to want to teach and share our world with them. 

Guess what else?  When they're old and mature enough they can branch out, educate themselves, and chose other religions/paths if they want! 

People need to get over themselves and realize that they're currently not following the path they were raised in (whether their families are okay with it or not).  If they can do it, so can your children.  They don't stay impressionable kids forever!  And not only can you raise the in your faith, BUT you can also educate them about other faiths. 

Give your kids some credit!  Give other parents some credit!

To be honest, I have no qualms with those who don't raise their kids in their path.  To each your own.  I don't understand how they're able to separate it from their lives and their families, but once again, it's because I don't do that in my practice.  But don't you dare tell me that I'm wrong for raising my children Pagan, just because YOU think it's wrong. 

You focus on your family and I'll focus on mine.  Let's try that, huh?


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It Starts....

So it may be a little late, but this pregnancy thing is beginning to scare me.  On Thursday I start my 8th month and the thoughts of premature births, and typical things like contractions and what if's are coming across my brain. 

Like what if I go into labor at home, without a phone or a vehicle?  Hubby's at work and we still don't have a second phone.  What I am to do?  Does 911 have an online thingy I can go to?  Type in my emergency and all that?  Go onto Facebook and CAPSLOCK my distress to anyone who's on with a phone who can direct an ambulance to my apartment?

Contractions, even Braxton Hick's, are nerve wrecking enough.  I've been cruising online to see what they feel like, and like pregnancy in general, it seems to vary from woman to woman.  I don't handle pain very well.....but obviously it's a little too late.  But women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, so I know I can handle it.  Ain't got a choice, really.....just nerves.  I'm tough....ish.  Though watching shows like Baby Story certainly doesn't help me.  I haven't been watching those kinds of shows for a reason; I'm a worry wart enough without that!

~~~ Oh it's the miracle of birth!  But all I see is my painful future....pushing a human through my loins.  The stretching, the tearing, hoping not too much.  I just know I'm going to poop, darn IBS, even with no food in my stomach.  It's going to happen.  Though I'll probably be in too much pain to give a shit.  But it's good to know that I'll be with seasoned doctors who probably have seen worse.  But at least it's won't just be traumatic for me, but also for him.  I won't be going through it alone!  And hubby will be there.  My support system.  My support system, who if he complains at all or falls asleep, I'll cut off his testicles with a spoon and feed the to him.  Well, maybe not his testicles, as I want more kids....

But at least all of it will be worth it in the end.  We'll have what we've been putting much time and effort into....mainly me, since I'm the mobile incubator, in our arms.  Pooping, drooling, crying, eating, sleeping, and trying to figure out how to work his limbs.  I'll be the Cow and Lycan will be mommy's little Milk Monster.  And some time afterwards I'll be able to have uncomplicated sex.  I miss uncomplicated sex.  Will never take it for granted ever again.  We'll have our son, I'll heal, and we can have.....oh....I can eat sushi again.  YUM!  Sushi AND Sex!

....pump out some milk, send Lycan to his grandma's, and shack up in a hotel room with the husband and sushi!

Wow, that took my mind off of my worries.  lol.  Keeping in mind that I added the "Oh..." and this last paragraph AFTER the above and below paragraphs.  If that makes any sense.  Here I'll just add some of these ~~~  That works!

Doesn't help that I'm feeling some growing pains right now, as well as a bit of back pain.  But I'm doing what people been advising: Change positions or walk about.  If they go away, it's just Braxton Hick's.  Course I'm probably just being paranoid anyway.  First time mom, shit's a little scary. 

I think I felt my uterus tightening earlier, you know, preparing itself, but I can't really tell if it was uterus or stomach muscles.....hence the reason why I'm having to do the ultrasounds because the doctors can't tell either.

But on the upside, I am monitoring his movements, like the doctor glazed over.  He's moving right now.  She didn't exactly go into detail about what I'm supposed to do with that.  Just something about 10 minute fetal movements, I think.  Maybe I read that part online?  Course maybe I'm confusing that with what I read about the Stress Tests?  I dunno it's all blurring together right now. 

Can barely afford gas money, let alone child birth classes.

We need a second phone asap, at least having it would calm me down a bit.  

Why can't it be at the end of December already?  End of December, beginning of January, come on. 

And now I'm hungry.  ::sigh::

Gotta focus on positive things, like stuffing my face with the hell do you spell that?  Trip-toe-phan, that chemical in turkey that makes ya go to sleep.  Yeah.  And seeing my mom and family come Thursday.  Voicing my concerns, fears, and worries to her.  Don't particular care what the other females in the family have to say.....though mom's kind of romanticized some aspects of her pregnancies.....but I dunno, I feel more comfortable talking to my mommy instead of my aunts. 

OMG, it's 1 am, what the fuck?  When did that happen?  What happened to 11 pm?  Well, I did want time to fly.  I guess I just got lost in the future: birth, sushi, and sex.  Happens.  At least my worries and fears have ebbed away a little bit. 


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Week 31 Update

Today was a rough day, mood wise.  It started out good, even went to the park!  But the in between to the evening, things got rocky.  I hate mood swings.  Before when I realized I was getting bitchy, I'd attempt to calm it down.  But now, I acknowledge and keep on with my fueled self, until something makes me cry or I swing back to a peaceful sane serenity.

Women are crazy creatures, aren't we?

I think I need a break from my dog for a couple months.  Not everyone has that luxury, but fortunately I do.  Thinking about sending him to my MIL's for a month.  I just need a break from him.  I dunno what it is, but every since I got pregnant he's been aggravating the HELL out of me.   From his licking to swallowing sounds to tearing up my blinds (especially AFTER I FIXED THEM) to puking to shittin in the house to his fleas to just not seeing me as an Alpha.  That's the most annoying thing for me.  Him clearly not respecting me as his pack leader.  He's just pissing me off.  Like, he a point.  And I just don't have the patience or the strength to remind him who's the Alpha and who's the subordinate.  He is trying my patience, and we just need a break from each other.

And.....I'm sure parents go through this, but I'm just not sure that I'm all that into the name chosen for our son.  The more I say it, the less I like it.  I voiced this to hubs, but I think he might just think it's hormone related....and I think it might be too.  So I'm gonna give it some time.  I still like Victor or Vincent better than Lycan.   But I also know that my nerd of a husband is stuck on "L.L. Cool Wren" (Lycan Leo Wren / LL Cool Jay).

Had a weak moment with my forced diet, a moment of depression.  But I took a different spin on eating and managed to satisfy some of my cravings, get full, and not go too far over my carb limit.  And after a quick prick, was able to keep my BS below 120.  Yay.  Yeah, been having issues getting full for the last two days, hence a little reason for my quick temper and whininess. 

Ugh, I'm tired of being pregnant!  It's only the 17th of November!  Not that I want him to premature or anything (Goddess forbid that happens!), I want him to go full term and be born when he's ready (both of us healthy and happy), but I'm near the wall.  Once again, I think it's a matter of hormones....and I know that it happens to many women.  You just get tired of it.  But at least we Humans don't have the 2 year gestation of an Elephant!  That would suck....but would probably cut down on our population.....

Whatever.  I ate, got full, and changed my tune.  I was/am happy again.  My elbow is sore, which means the weather's gonna do something in the next 24 hours, and I'm having growing pains, but it's typical.  Bout time for my bedtime snack.  And after 7 am-ish, I'll never have to help hubs out with the paper because tomorrow will be his last day at the Dispatch, which also means he'll be able to sleep.

Speaking of him and money, you know it's funny.  For his birthday and our anniversary, I was feeling terrible about it being the second year of me not being able to afford anything for him.  I am such an idiot sometimes.  I'm an artist, I can just make him something!  I may not be able to paint or use charcoal, but damn it I can still draw some graphite picture for him! 

That's my next task is to draw him a nice picture of one of his favorite baseball players....some Tigers player who got a Triple Crown and MVP this year.....something Cabera........yeah I don't know how to spell it.  BUT it's an idea!  I'm sure he'll love it, I just have to start on it BEFORE I lose the inspiration and motivation. 

Oh, annoying preggo symptoms that've started up for me: Can't catch a breath!  That shit sucks and it's only going to get worse!  Though I've learned that it's easier if I lay on my side, but can't be laying down all day, now can we?

My IBS isn't too bad now that I've lessened my fiber intake. 

Still no leaky boobs (though I'm sorta excited for that part, I'm sure that'll get old when it does start!).

Need a pillow between the legs and just beneath the belly more and more.

Mood swings are clearly worse.

I'm craving Pancakes, Sushi, and fried Popeyes Goodness....all bad things.  :-(

All right, time for my snack, then bed.  Goodnight, yall!


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Preggo Weight Loss

I've lost 9 lbs in 3 weeks, all thanks to this forced low-carb diet I'm on.  Holy snot!  Add that to the 20 lbs. I've already lost!  I'm down to 293 lbs.  Bitch and whine is what I've done, but if I can get down to a "safe" weight then I'll be out of the danger zone concerning Type 2 Diabetes, for the most part, since diabetes is often related to weight.  Though one of my neighbors has had Type 2 since she was a kid, so...more of family history with her. 

Though my hubby's eating a carb filled cinnamon bun and the smell is driving me crazy, but I had a carb filled lunch already.  (Told ya, everything's carbs now, not food or drink.)  Talk about self discipline!

This is the meal plan that my DT has me on:

Breakfast- 30 carbs
AM Snack- 30 carbs
Lunch- 60 carbs
PM Snack- 30 carbs
Dinner- 60 carbs
Bedtime Snack- 30 carbs

It ain't easy, sometimes I go over, but mostly I go under.  But we're healthy.  I'm definitely healthier than I've ever been.  When you cut bread and flour from the fast food equation, it's like Why Bother?  Why waste the money when I'm just going to get a grilled chicken and pick it apart.  I can't really eat the fries or have the drink.  Why waste the money?  Though I have been craving B Dub's Fish Tacos....mmmmmmmmmmmm.

The doctor had a time finding Lycan to listen for his heartbeat, too.  I know he was fine because I could feel him moving.  But every time she found it, he moved.  As a friend said, he is in an Aries womb, so talk about your stubbornness.  Just hope he's not this stubborn after he's born!  His heart sounded fine. 

In two weeks, I begin my bi-weekly stress tests, plus I've got an ultrasound that week.  Three appointments in one week!  Guess it'll prepare me for all of the appointments I'm going to have when we get closer and closer to the due date.  Hell, might as well just keep me in the hospital; save on gas and wear and tear on the car! Just kidding, I'd rather not spend any extra time in the hospital.  No more than I have to!

Time to catch a snack and a nap!


Monday, November 12, 2012

Broken Relationships

Ugh, after waking from a horrid dream about me planning on cheating on my husband (something I'd never do in a million-fucking-years; what the fuck subconscious?!?!?!?!) and him finding out about my plan, needless to say it twas not a great morning.  Well, not the waking up part anyway.  I took a shower afterwards, then ate and actually enjoyed a cheese omelet.  I hate omelets....but this one was good.  Then again I'm getting bored with food, so, gotta get creative. 

Hubby decided to try to see what I've been bitching about and he's seen that it's a lot harder than it looks!  Counting carbs is evil.  Makes ya see just how carb filled everything is, especially fruit, juice, and some veggies, things that are supposed to be healthy for you!  Flour is my enemy now.  Food commerials, I don't even see food anymore, all I see are carbs. 

Ugh, how much longer of this nonsensical counting?  Eating is a chore. 

So another thing that's been on my mind lately is my 21year friendship that I worry is going down the toilet.  It's funny, a couple weeks ago, she said for us to make sure we don't push the other away, as often happens when babies come into the picture.....yet what is she doing?  She's pushing me away.  Claiming that it's to do with work--she's a teacher--and coaching her quidditch  team.  It's taking up all of her time.  Okay, I can understand that, as she puts a lot of herself into her students.

So I'll send her a text and she won't respond for a day then say she was busy, when I know she checks her phone a lot.  Always has it on her.  But when I wanna do something, she's too busy, or she's hanging out with her work friends.  Or she's too tired, doesn't want to come over and or doesn't feel welcome or some excuse bullshit. 

I don't even feel like I can talk to her, because she'll place the blame on me, and say that we're pushing her away, which is bullshit.  Once, we made a plan to play games the following day and she said that he never sent the text and that she never saw it.  Well, when hubs called her out, she had the nerve to check her phone, see the conversation, and say that she wasn't going to take responsibility for it. 

How fucking immature is that?  No, because it always has to be OUR fault, never hers.  I don't fucking understand it.  I don't understand why she's putting up a guard and pushing me away?!  Why is she acting like such a fucking child?  She's turning into my dad, always the fucking victim. 

I don't have too many friends, and she's my best.  But she's....I dunno what her problem is.  It's like she doesn't care how much this is hurting me; nor will she voice her concerns or be honest in her reasons.  She's putting up this fucking wall, terrified that we're going to hurt her.  Claiming that we've hurt her in the past.  Honey, you've got your people crossed.  Once or twice have I fucked up in the last 5 years, yet you keep on hanging out with those who do continuously hurt you.  I don't understand why she has to punish me--that's how it feels!  Why she has to put up this fucking wall?  Why she has to put up her fucking guard? 

I need to talk to her about my issues, and she's too busy. 

If I try to talk to her about it, she pushes me away or blames me for everything.  I guess she's okay with throwing away our friendship, but I'm not.  I don't get why she's acting so god damn immature.

You said you didn't want to be pushed away....and yet you're pushing yourself away.  What the fuck is the problem? 

You don't want to be hurt, yet you don't seem to have a problem with hurting me?  There's no reason for you to have your guard up with me.  I've never fucking hurt you or used your faults against you like your other friends have; I've never expected you to be someone you're not.  

I'm moving onto a major part of my life and I want you to be a part of it.  I need you.  You're supposed to be my son's godmother.....but I don't know how that's going to work if you keep taking me for granted.  I can't fix our problems alone, nor am I going to take all of the blame for it to baby you.  I'm hurting, too.

I don't know what else to do.  Maybe this chapter of our lives is ending?  Maybe I'm in denial, because I don't want to just give up on us.  I don't want to just throw away 21 years.  I don't want to say goodbye.  I wanna work to heal whatever damage have been done.  I want us to grow from this problem.

Those of you with kids, have you ever had this issue? 


Friday, November 9, 2012

Asking for Help

Sometimes I wonder if I'm typing in jibberish, I know I don't have the best grammar or language, but damn.  I sent my step mom an email asking her for help in dealing with our flea problem.  I mean, shit, my mom's been helping us out with spending $300 dollars on groceries a month and I've never asked her to do so.  She's just helping us out because we need it (and because she wants to be sure that I'm eating right).  I asked my step mom because we need it and she said, "we can come up with something." 

Come up with something?  I gave you something.  Told you that I've tried everything that I'm able to under the sun.  Told you what works:

Frontline for Dogs 50lbs
Frontline for Kittens 0-5 lbs

Something to treat our carpets

I don't..I don't understand what's so hard to understand about that?  It's what?  Roughly $150?  Obvisiously if I had the money, it'd be taken care of. can buy crap you don't need, but when I really, genuinely need help, you gotta problem with it?  Isn't this the season of giving?  I said that I wanted this problem taken care of before my son, aka your grandson, is born?  Isn't that enough?  To do it for him?  I never ask anything from these people. 

Should I even be surprised? 

I'd ask mom, but she's already doing so much for us, in terms of food and baby stuff.  I don't want to ask anymore from her. 

I don't get it. 


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Just Pop, Damn it

So a problem I've been having lately is popping ears, mainly in my right ear.  At first, wasn't so bad, but lately it's gotten worse and lasts for-freakin-ever.  Nothing works.  Not the usual remedies or even just waiting it out, ignoring it.

I look online "Plugged ears pregnancy" and it occurs when there's fluid build up, since some preggos tend to retain fluid during.  For most, they're saying that it goes away after the kid is born.  WHAT?  12 more weeks of this annoying semi-deafness?  And my hub doesn't seem to understand that either he needs to speak up and slower or turn down the tv for me to hear him.

So yeah, I'm a little agitated. 

Damn it, I just sneezed and peed a little bit.  Wonderful.  I'm about to throw in the towel today and just go back to bed.

Not to mention that we're this close to being minus one dog.  My dog is literally driving me crazy.  Okay, we've been fighting the flea menace for months because of him.  It does not help to treat the house and the ferret, if we can't properly treat him.  I've tried it all.  Natural and pesticides, ranging from Hartz to Dish soap to flour to garlic to Skin-so-soft to fucking everything!  Nothing fucking works! And I can't exactly get too chemical happy because of my condition and the ferret.  The only stuff that works is Frontline, but we can't afford it!  It's the only stuff that's strong enough and it's the only stuff he can't lick off.

I keep yelling at him every time he fuckin licks himself.  He just licks and licks and licks until he throws up.  We need to buy his ass a cone!  I'm tired!  My stomach is super sensitive and I'm tired of him throwing up every fucking day, which throws me into a violent vomiting fit!  Sometimes he makes himself throw up, too.  How do I know this?  Because I just punished him by leashing his ass to the door knob and guess what?  It stopped like fucking magik.

We can't afford to take him to the vets.  We can't afford to take him to the groomers.  And trying to bath him is a nightmare (hence the reason why we can't take him to the groomer), plus we can't afford the shampoo.  Trust me, I'll be muzzling his ass and forcing him into the tub myself if it gets to that point.

I'm seriously about to send his flea ridden ass to my MIL's, I can't take it anymore.  There's only so much I can do treatment wise, and I'm tired of waking up with new bites.  It's truly exhausting.  Hell, we keep Lycan's room closed off, and I picked a fucking flea off of me in his room last week.  I flipped the fuck out!  I want these assholes and their offspring dead before my son's born.  It's just a losing battle and the only thing I can think of is to get rid of Bear.  Stupid ass thick lab-chow coat.  I love him, but I'm at my wits end. 

I don't need anymore stress in my life right now. 

By the Spirits, I hope we have a real fucking winter this year, kill off most of these parasites. 


Monday, November 5, 2012

Showers, Issues, and IBS

Had a good baby shower.  It was all decked out in blue and mom didn't do the party favors, but it was okay.  Plus I forgot the ultrasound pictures....   No games.  No music.  Kinda boring, but all right.  And the cake was nasty, tasted like pineapple, though I literally only had a bite (and spit it out).  Mom was annoyed because she paid $41 for it and found it to be rather ugly and plain.  She's vowed to never get another cake from Giant Eagle again, lol.  But it was a good turn out.  Got to see my friends and family.  Only let one person"molest" my belly.  Though it was kind of annoying because some people were watching the OSU game on their phones.  That was rude.  I'm a OSU fan, too, but this shower is a bit more important.  Plus, there'll be other games!  But what can ya do?  I'd never do that, but then not everyone is as considerate. 

I'm not too big into that whole center of attention thing, but soon it'll shift to him.  And I thought that showing every single gift is stupid, especially for pictures.  Especially when someone gives you a laundry basket of baby clothes.  Clothes which I don't think will fit him, but I can either sell em to Once Upon a Child or cut em up for rags. 

I wish I'd gotten more diapers and wipes, though,  I got a shit ton of clothes, most of which I don't think he'll be able to fit in period.  But like I said, "Rags".  Most of the clothes were newborn!  Like that'll last for the first month, if that.  I didn't put clothes on the list for a reason.  That and mom said that's normally what most people give ya.  Though I'm more of diaper person, for showers I give ya shit you're gonna need, like diapers and wipes.  Like there have been times when I was the only person to give the gift of diapers!  No doubt mom and WIC will chip in with diapers. 

My mom was more excited about the clothes than I was.  She was showing off what she got him before the party even started.  She's goofy.  No doubt I'll be getting more clothes from her, but more for the other months of the years to come. 

And my aunt--who I adore and has gone through so much health issues since I've been pregnant--kind of made fun of me for the name chosen.  Saying, "You need to think about him."  Like, sorry, I don't care for common names.  I think it might have been a generation gap, though, because some of my friends think the name is cool.  Once again mom voiced her opinion over hating his middle name, despite that it's one of Dave's grandfather's names.  But I told her, "Mom, we changed it to Leo.  Leo is Leslie's middle name."  She liked it more, as do we.  That way if he doesn't like "Lycan" he can go by "Leo."  Though I think I might be calling him "Wolf". 

However, I did tell them how I wanted to name him Victor or Vincent, but hubby was dead set on Lycan.  So I let him have it.  Compromise, guys.  That and his other boy names sucked.  

In the beginning of the shower, I was kind of bummed about a BS reading I took shortly before the party, a whopping 185!  Due to such a high reading, I was suffering the effects of a headache and nausea.  Luckily it dropped to 78 during the party, though.  OMG, and I ate the best mac n cheese I've ever had!  It was delicious. Lifted my spirits a bit!

Gift registries are useful, but they kind of take out the surprise of getting gifts, I've learned.  I almost can't be genuinely happy when I get a gift, because someone will say, "Well, that's what you had on the registry."  Like it's it a chore instead of a gift.  Of course I'm thinking, "Yeah, but you didn't have to get it.  The fact that you did is fantastic and I really appreciate it."  You didn't have to get me anything.  I can't be happy that you got me a gift?  It kind of sucks the fun out of it, I guess. 

Oh, and that brings me to my step mom.  I love her and all, but she's just....selfish.  I was thinking of asking her for the Pack n Play this Christmas, but my husband pointed out something--something she does often.  He said that she'd buy herself the new PNP, then give me her used one.  Case in point, I had some natural baby grooming stuff on the list.  She bought herself the good stuff "for the house" and gave me some cheap generic shit.  Really?  It's annoying.  Keeping the goods isn't going to make me want to bring my son over to your house more often, hun.  If dad wasn't such an asshole chain smoking prick, I would bring my kids over more often.  But 1) I don't want my children smelling like an astray and 2) I can't trust him to not go ballistic over something stupid in front of them. 

So yeah.

I appreciated my grandma hosting the party too, and when I tried to thank her properly, she kind of ignored me in front of everyone.  She literally shrugged me off.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised since she doesn't care for me period.  Plus, she was rude to my friends; it was embarrassing.  I just kept thinking about my handfasting, how she chose to sit waaaay in the back, and my mom and aunts and uncles followed suit, despite that there was a table reserved for them up front.  When I confronted my mom about it, she said "Well, mom wants to sit back there."  In which, in my hurt frustration, I responded, "I forgot, when she says "Jump" yall jump don't ya?"  She just said, "Sorry," and went back to the "cool kids" table.  I was so hurt by that.  And since then, me and grandma haven't seen eye-to-eye on anything.  I was actually surprised that she rented a place for me at all!

Matter of fact, my step mom was also giving me the cold shoulder about something, too.  I could tell she didn't want to be there.  And hubby was pissed off at his family because none of them came.  Then again, his sister lives in WV, so I--at least--didn't blame her.  But as for two others, well, it's a little fucked up.  Oh well, can't do anything about it now, though he's still pretty hurt about it.  

Luckily my brother and future SIL came, as everyone was leaving, and it actually livened me up a bit.  That and I was talking GD with my Diabetic friends, so it made me feel a lot better about my currant condition.  Them having been diabetic for years and thus used to the scare tactics that some Teachers and doctors try to use on their patients made me feel tons better. 

So, despite the downs, it was pretty good.  Like I said, I GREATLY appreciated the gifts given and seeing my friends and family.  I just had a lot on my mind at the time.  Stress was released when we went to a friends house later in the evening for Rockband.  Yesterday was stressful as HELL, but once again, the morning SUCKED but the day ended well. 

My Facebook Status read as:

"Let me tell yall about my am.

Ok, so we get home around 1 to find that Bear pissed an ocean on our floor. Around 3:40ish, Dave nods off on the freeway, hits a barrel, and breaks our passenger side mirror. 5-something, in my exhaustion, I misjudged the road, hit the curb, and popped our rear passenger side tire. Dave finishes the road we're on, and bumped the door off of his leg. I lost it and started laughing just at the sheer whatever of our situation, then peed myself a little bit. Dave comes back and strips the bolt. Then I get wicked poop cramps a bit later, that luckily I was able to stave off until Anthony got there to take us to Kroger. While he and his brother are off running errands or some shit, my 6 month 2 week ass is car sitting, can't get comfortable because of restless legs and because I'm in a fucking car. All I wanted was to go home, I was miserable and on the verge of tears. When I do fall asleep, I keep waking up.
Our phone barely has any life. Even if I did call someone, I didn't know where I was to have them pick me up. Finally, this thing turns into a family affair, with Anthony and Dave coming back, and Andi and the kids taking me home (greatly appreciated, btw). As far as our car, right now I don't give a fuck about it, BUT I hope that Dave's able to do what he needs to do. At least he and his brother were able to finish the route.

But at least I dreamt of ferrets, so the morning wasn't a complete fiasco...and that Dave was able to get some brotherly help. That and both my boys were excited to see me when I came home.

Thank you, Universe, thanks for the shit storm of a rough morning. Big ole middle finger to you, you bitch.

But like I said, it ended well, with us spending some time with my nephew and niece--I'm getting better at this kid thing!  Plus, hubby was able to get everything fixed before he came home.  It was funny though, I had woken up in the car, pissed off and ranting to no one in particular.  Just out loud.  Lycan kicked hard with a very noticeable movement, and I said, "I know, I'm mad, too!"  lol

Now I'm brought to the original reason why I started to blog today, IBS.  Maybe it's just my body adjusting to my diet again or the fiber overload, but I'm thinking that it's my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  I haven't had a solid poo in like two weeks!  Normally I don't have issues with my IBS until my period, and well I haven't had any IBS issues for 6 months.  But lately, it's been really bad.  I think it's due to him pressing up against my intestines and laying on my bladder.  Or it's just a gas trigger, I dunno.  Oh, it sucks.  I can't wait until he's born.  Between the GD and the IBS, I'm just ready.  At my next appointment, I'm going to ask my doctor about it, though honestly I don't think much can be done right now. 

So yeah, gross, right?  Told ya, there will be some gross posts.  Pregnancy isn't always so flashy and glamorous!  But it seems like no one EVER wants to talks about the grosser sides!  Speaking of poo, that commercial for Doggy Doo is on TV right now.  lol

Back to the gifts, hubby said he wanted to go through the gifts today and I said quite rudely, "Why?  We don't have a dresser yet.  Might as well wait.  Besides, what's the point of taking it all out, just to put everything back in the bags?"  Kind of downtrodden he said, "Well, it's just for inventory reasons."  THEN, it dawns on me, he's excited and just wants to see the goodies.  Jeez, I can be such a bitch sometimes.  ANOTHER reason why I'm ready for Lycan to be born!  But when he's ready, he'll come, happy and healthy.  Until then, we'll deal with the poop rushes, the blood tests, and the mood swings.  And I will continue to enjoy feeling his least until he starts to play soccer with my organs.  ;-)


Friday, November 2, 2012

Day Before BS

Yay, hubby finally got to feel Lycan kick last night!  Got a big ole huge smile on his face before falling asleep, then said he woke up with one remembering it.  :-)

Yesterday's ultrasound was fine.  Due to hubs setting the alarm for pm, we actually missed our early appointment, but luckily was able to get in at noon.  Which was kind of funny, because hubs dropped me off at the door to park, and I ended up taking the wrong elevator up to the 7th floor.  Had to take two of the longest elevator rides until I finally got to the right level 7.  Then hubby said he did the same thing. 

For once, the kid was actually trying to sleep, once again being stubborn about showing us his face.  The last ultrasound, he was facing my spine, and this time he had all of his limbs up by his head. 

The techincan said he was a little bit larger, now in the 59th percentile, but we're not worried.  

I started the glyburide yesterday and was a little worried for a bit because my BS dropped to 78.  But my doctor said that a normal BS ranges from 60 to 100, so as long as I didn't drop below 60, I was good.  So far, so good indeed. So I'm taking 5 mgs twice daily, once in the morning and once before bedtime. 

And now eating is such a chore!  Before it was different, stomach grumbles, go eat.  But now I've gotta count my carbs.  Did you know that carrots have carbs in them?  I didn't until last night when I went for a midnight snack.  Had bought carrots thinking that it'd be a snack that wouldn't count towards my carb intake.  I was wrong. But fruits tend to have more carbs than most veggies, so I went the veggie route. 

I have to eat at a certain time and count my carb intake.  This morning I just wanted to lay there for a bit and listen to my headphones, a past time I know will be gone when Lycan's born.  But nooooo, I had to get up and taking my Fasting Blood Sugar, then eat!  And snacking is very important, too.  Makes sense to break up the carb intake throughout the day instead of just for three meals. 

This is some adjustment, indeed!  But not nearly as stressful as it was.  At least I can have breads in moderation.

Lycan's room is ready for the baby shower tomorrow!  Finally, we got our butts into gear and finally changed around the living and dining room, and Lycan's room, too.  Though he's got a desk and some art supply too, but I've arranged things so that when he's mobile, he won't be getting into things he shouldn't be.  And there's room for a pack and play so cousins will have a place to sleep/nap when they're over. 

It's weird, I think I'm more excited to see my mom tomorrow than for the baby shower....  I know she'll be interested in understanding this GD thing along with me.  That and she's my momma.  I'm excited to show off the new furniture arrangement to her.  Nothin like a little mom therapy.