Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It Starts....

So it may be a little late, but this pregnancy thing is beginning to scare me.  On Thursday I start my 8th month and the thoughts of premature births, and typical things like contractions and what if's are coming across my brain. 

Like what if I go into labor at home, without a phone or a vehicle?  Hubby's at work and we still don't have a second phone.  What I am to do?  Does 911 have an online thingy I can go to?  Type in my emergency and all that?  Go onto Facebook and CAPSLOCK my distress to anyone who's on with a phone who can direct an ambulance to my apartment?

Contractions, even Braxton Hick's, are nerve wrecking enough.  I've been cruising online to see what they feel like, and like pregnancy in general, it seems to vary from woman to woman.  I don't handle pain very well.....but obviously it's a little too late.  But women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, so I know I can handle it.  Ain't got a choice, really.....just nerves.  I'm tough....ish.  Though watching shows like Baby Story certainly doesn't help me.  I haven't been watching those kinds of shows for a reason; I'm a worry wart enough without that!

~~~ Oh it's the miracle of birth!  But all I see is my painful future....pushing a human through my loins.  The stretching, the tearing, hoping not too much.  I just know I'm going to poop, darn IBS, even with no food in my stomach.  It's going to happen.  Though I'll probably be in too much pain to give a shit.  But it's good to know that I'll be with seasoned doctors who probably have seen worse.  But at least it's won't just be traumatic for me, but also for him.  I won't be going through it alone!  And hubby will be there.  My support system.  My support system, who if he complains at all or falls asleep, I'll cut off his testicles with a spoon and feed the to him.  Well, maybe not his testicles, as I want more kids....

But at least all of it will be worth it in the end.  We'll have what we've been putting much time and effort into....mainly me, since I'm the mobile incubator, in our arms.  Pooping, drooling, crying, eating, sleeping, and trying to figure out how to work his limbs.  I'll be the Cow and Lycan will be mommy's little Milk Monster.  And some time afterwards I'll be able to have uncomplicated sex.  I miss uncomplicated sex.  Will never take it for granted ever again.  We'll have our son, I'll heal, and we can have.....oh....I can eat sushi again.  YUM!  Sushi AND Sex!

....pump out some milk, send Lycan to his grandma's, and shack up in a hotel room with the husband and sushi!

Wow, that took my mind off of my worries.  lol.  Keeping in mind that I added the "Oh..." and this last paragraph AFTER the above and below paragraphs.  If that makes any sense.  Here I'll just add some of these ~~~  That works!

Doesn't help that I'm feeling some growing pains right now, as well as a bit of back pain.  But I'm doing what people been advising: Change positions or walk about.  If they go away, it's just Braxton Hick's.  Course I'm probably just being paranoid anyway.  First time mom, shit's a little scary. 

I think I felt my uterus tightening earlier, you know, preparing itself, but I can't really tell if it was uterus or stomach muscles.....hence the reason why I'm having to do the ultrasounds because the doctors can't tell either.

But on the upside, I am monitoring his movements, like the doctor glazed over.  He's moving right now.  She didn't exactly go into detail about what I'm supposed to do with that.  Just something about 10 minute fetal movements, I think.  Maybe I read that part online?  Course maybe I'm confusing that with what I read about the Stress Tests?  I dunno it's all blurring together right now. 

Can barely afford gas money, let alone child birth classes.

We need a second phone asap, at least having it would calm me down a bit.  

Why can't it be at the end of December already?  End of December, beginning of January, come on. 

And now I'm hungry.  ::sigh::

Gotta focus on positive things, like stuffing my face with the hell do you spell that?  Trip-toe-phan, that chemical in turkey that makes ya go to sleep.  Yeah.  And seeing my mom and family come Thursday.  Voicing my concerns, fears, and worries to her.  Don't particular care what the other females in the family have to say.....though mom's kind of romanticized some aspects of her pregnancies.....but I dunno, I feel more comfortable talking to my mommy instead of my aunts. 

OMG, it's 1 am, what the fuck?  When did that happen?  What happened to 11 pm?  Well, I did want time to fly.  I guess I just got lost in the future: birth, sushi, and sex.  Happens.  At least my worries and fears have ebbed away a little bit. 



  1. OK, first and foremost, I miss uncomplicated sex too! LOL

    Now, that aside, I remember the first-time mom fears. It didn't help to hear horror stories from others OR to know what my sister and mom each went through for their first 2 children. It didn't help to know that it was much easier for them to have their 3rd's. Argh. So I was prepared for the WORST birth experience ever.

    At Festival of Hecate that year (August 2002), I went up to the Priestess who was aspecting the Mother facet of Hecate and said, "This is my first child. Please watch over us. I know there will be pain. I know that's part of giving birth, and I'm not asking you to take it away. I'm just asking for your blessing." She said, "You have that."

    Then I went back to my place in the circle and, in December, had my son. It was far less worse than I imagined. FAR less.

    OK, so what do you need to think about?

    1. Monitoring fetal movement or "counting kicks" - they want you to feel 10 movements within a 2-hour time frame, at least once a day, every day. That's it. If you know when Lycan's most active times are, it's really easy to stop and count. :)

    2. Visit and look at the "Techniques". They are meant to help get baby in the optimal fetal position for giving birth, to prevent things like back labor. It's rather like Yoga, because they have you do an Inversion, the Cat/Cow position, and more. You do need your hubby to help with the "Rebozo Sifting" and "Shaking the Apple Tree", but try them - they are FUN and really relaxing!!!

    3. Do you have the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? It honestly kind of sucks... But it's still good. If not, go to their website: - it can help answer questions about everything, including the differences between real labor and practice labor.

    4. Are you hoping to go natural all the way, or going in with the mindset of "Natural for as long as possible"? Either way, I could go into a looooong list of coping techniques for labor, if you'd like. :) I can either post them here or send you an email.

    Yes, the unknown is scary as fuck. And, even the second time around when I'm feeling way more confident, I STILL get freaked out by people and their horror stories. I wish they'd shut up. The one I get most often? The second baby comes faster than the first. *rolls eyes* Not necessarily always. But people act like I'm just going to stand up one day and a baby is going to fall out. Ha! I wish!

    Mmm, Thanksgiving... I like that thought too.

    1. Course it's just gonna fall out, the first made the path! lol

      Thanks for the advice--actual wanted advice!--I'll check out those sites and techniques.

      Yeah, that book does kind of suck, but it does have it's informative points once in a while. :-)

      I shall do that fetal movement thingy. Thanks for explaining!

      I don't want to do natural, but at the same time I heard that the pain killers can actually prolong labor and all, yeah, I dunno. At the same time, a big ass needle being inserted into my spine kind of freaks me out more than a natural birth. I'll play it by ear. Maybe he'll take a page out of his cousins book and not take his time. But we'll see.


    2. You are very welcome!

      And I think that's smartest - play it by ear. The first time, you can't know what to expect. But try not to listen to people with horror stories. They suck. ;)

      You can also use many of those "Spinning Babies" techniques IN labor to soothe any pain, so that's another thing that's really cool about them. When I'm in labor? Hell yeah, I'm gonna do the "Cat/Cow"!