Like what if I go into labor at home, without a phone or a vehicle? Hubby's at work and we still don't have a second phone. What I am to do? Does 911 have an online thingy I can go to? Type in my emergency and all that? Go onto Facebook and CAPSLOCK my distress to anyone who's on with a phone who can direct an ambulance to my apartment?
Contractions, even Braxton Hick's, are nerve wrecking enough. I've been cruising online to see what they feel like, and like pregnancy in general, it seems to vary from woman to woman. I don't handle pain very well.....but obviously it's a little too late. But women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, so I know I can handle it. Ain't got a choice, really.....just nerves. I'm tough....ish. Though watching shows like Baby Story certainly doesn't help me. I haven't been watching those kinds of shows for a reason; I'm a worry wart enough without that!
~~~ Oh it's the miracle of birth! But all I see is my painful future....pushing a human through my loins. The stretching, the tearing, hoping not too much. I just know I'm going to poop, darn IBS, even with no food in my stomach. It's going to happen. Though I'll probably be in too much pain to give a shit. But it's good to know that I'll be with seasoned doctors who probably have seen worse. But at least it's won't just be traumatic for me, but also for him. I won't be going through it alone! And hubby will be there. My support system. My support system, who if he complains at all or falls asleep, I'll cut off his testicles with a spoon and feed the to him. Well, maybe not his testicles, as I want more kids....
But at least all of it will be worth it in the end. We'll have what we've been putting much time and effort into....mainly me, since I'm the mobile incubator, in our arms. Pooping, drooling, crying, eating, sleeping, and trying to figure out how to work his limbs. I'll be the Cow and Lycan will be mommy's little Milk Monster. And some time afterwards I'll be able to have uncomplicated sex. I miss uncomplicated sex. Will never take it for granted ever again. We'll have our son, I'll heal, and we can have.....oh....I can eat sushi again. YUM! Sushi AND Sex!
....pump out some milk, send Lycan to his grandma's, and shack up in a hotel room with the husband and sushi!
Wow, that took my mind off of my worries. lol. Keeping in mind that I added the "Oh..." and this last paragraph AFTER the above and below paragraphs. If that makes any sense. Here I'll just add some of these ~~~ That works!
Doesn't help that I'm feeling some growing pains right now, as well as a bit of back pain. But I'm doing what people been advising: Change positions or walk about. If they go away, it's just Braxton Hick's. Course I'm probably just being paranoid anyway. First time mom, shit's a little scary.
I think I felt my uterus tightening earlier, you know, preparing itself, but I can't really tell if it was uterus or stomach muscles.....hence the reason why I'm having to do the ultrasounds because the doctors can't tell either.
But on the upside, I am monitoring his movements, like the doctor glazed over. He's moving right now. She didn't exactly go into detail about what I'm supposed to do with that. Just something about 10 minute fetal movements, I think. Maybe I read that part online? Course maybe I'm confusing that with what I read about the Stress Tests? I dunno it's all blurring together right now.
Can barely afford gas money, let alone child birth classes.
We need a second phone asap, at least having it would calm me down a bit.
Why can't it be at the end of December already? End of December, beginning of January, come on.
And now I'm hungry. ::sigh::
Gotta focus on positive things, like stuffing my face with tryptophan....how the hell do you spell that? Trip-toe-phan, that chemical in turkey that makes ya go to sleep. Yeah. And seeing my mom and family come Thursday. Voicing my concerns, fears, and worries to her. Don't particular care what the other females in the family have to say.....though mom's kind of romanticized some aspects of her pregnancies.....but I dunno, I feel more comfortable talking to my mommy instead of my aunts.
OMG, it's 1 am, what the fuck? When did that happen? What happened to 11 pm? Well, I did want time to fly. I guess I just got lost in the future: birth, sushi, and sex. Happens. At least my worries and fears have ebbed away a little bit.