Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Rage Monster

"I want our son to have a close relationship with our son," looks so good on paper....then you get over to his house and remember why you contemplated not allowing your dad to see him at all.  We went over to dad's today so I could make copies and that hubs could help him move furniture around.  The entire time he bitched and raged at my step mom. 

At one point, he asked, "I don't understand why women need so much junk, fuckin kniknacks.  Materialistic is what they are."

I almost said, "Well, can you understand this?  If you can't control your rage, you're never seeing my son over here."  But I didn't.  Though I did say something similar to my step mom, while he bitched on.  My stress continued to build.  My cheeks grew hot.  I managed to calm a bit, but he kept on, and so did my annoyance.  To the point that when he flipped out over some other stupid little thing, I calmly shouted, "CALM THE FUCK DOWN!  I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT!"  And he did.  He shut the fuck the up.  For a little while.  Hormones took over and I nearly burst into tears, then went outside instead.  Didn't want to lose it in front of them. 

Glad I went outside, because he continued his rampage, til the point where Dave was about to walk out and leave him to move everything himself.  I just sat there, remembering how much I hated being there.  How trapped one feels, especially as a woman.  I don't want our son to be exposed to that environment.  To be around him when he blows up over stupid shit.  To see how he treats women and think that it's okay (despite that our home life is drastically different!).  That it's okay to place blame on others instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. 

Even if he bumps into a tree, no doubt it'd be my step mom's fault. 

I broke down because I was seething with hatred for him and was stressed out.  Hubs came outside and assured me that Lycan's not going to spend a whole lot of time with him.  We'd already agreed to not allow them to be alone; even though it was him who said the first line.  When dad's sane, he can teach Lycan some things, like about fishing, hunting, and heck, even cars.  Dad taught me after all. But I can't trust that he's not going to flip out over something ridiculous, or take his anger out on my son (I will flip my shit if that happens).  So, no.  No time alone with grandpa.  If he does lose it, we're leaving without a bye or a hug.

There's a reason why my brother doesn't bring my niece around him.  Though he doesn't even give him a reason as to why.  But...even though dad doesn't deserve it, my step mom does deserve to know why her grandson isn't around so much....though I suspect she knows already, hence why she's harking on dad about his smoking and trying to calm his rage.   

That's the great thing about being a parent, having control over who they spend time with.

Before we  left, I heard my step mom having a chat with him about his rage and what I said.  Twas no threat, but a promise. 


1 comment:

  1. Wow. Anger issues much, dad?

    You're making the right decision in *not* allowing alone-time.

    There are just certain members of every family, whether they are your blood or your husband's, where all of us have to do that. Sad, but true.

    However, you know you aren't the problem. HE is.