Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Chewin the Fat

Ugh, I just want these weeks to fly by!  For the most part, it feels like the past 5 months have.  Just worried that the last 4 are going to take FOREVER, like when you're traveling to a destination that you're excited about.  The trip there seems to take forever, but the ride back is real quick! 

Nearly to week 22, nearly!  Course I'll be feeling this way next week and so on.

My belly's getting bigger, it no longer looks like I'm just fat as my lower abdomen is catching up to my upper and the once deep crease that was my belly button region is beginning to see the light.  I don't think my belly button's seen the light of day, without my help, since I was young!  Now I can wear that shirt my mom got me, "Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?"  It's corny, but she thought it was cute.  But I can wear it now without the thought of someone saying, No, it's your fat that makes you look fat.

But at least, I'm not worried about stretch marks, because I already have them and don't care.  lol   My self esteem and self love have shot through the roof since getting pregnant.  For the first time in my life (minus being a kid and not worrying about my appearance), I don't have body image issues.  It's strange when reading about women who are pregnant and how much they worry about how "fat" they look.  It's not all fat, it's baby, and the fat means your bodies doing what it's supposed to do!  You gain weight to prepare for carrying, labor, delivery, and nursing.  I'm reminded of how much "image" is important in our society.  Makes me sad that in cases of pregnancy, it can be seen as ugly, unless you're the idea type of pregnant, I suppose.  What's accepted.

A pregnant woman with her bulging belly is such a beautiful thing to me, no matter her size and shape!; shame the idea isn't shared with mainstream society...unless you fit the Idea Woman.  Oh, well, poo on those who try to shame real women into believing that they're fat and ugly.  And a whole dump truck on those who shame plus-sized women for getting pregnant in the first place.  Fuck off, you!

I may not be showing as early as some women (though every pregnancy is different, just because you're petite doesn't necessarily means you'll show sooner and just because you're obese doesn't mean you'll show later!), and yeah strangers may not know it when they seem me, but I know.  I can feel and see the changes and it's simply wonderful.  It only means I have less and less months of strangers trying to touch my stomach (which I'll probably smack someone the first that happens!), or giving me unwanted advice.  If I don't show to the world until month 7 or 8, I'm fine with it!

A few years ago, one of the vain reasons I wanted to lose weight was so when I was pregnant people would be able to tell (though the most important reasons were health related).  Now...I don't care.  Then again, I'm not all that into being the center of attention.  I don't want the special treatment...at least not right now.  Whereas my mom LOVED it.  She loved the attention she got.  I don't want people to feel like they have to dote over me just because I'm with child.

Like a few weekends ago, at my cousins wedding.  I was hungry, food was going to be served shortly, and yet people kept asking if I wanted anything.  I kept saying, "No, I can wait."  So my uncle went around me and asked my step mom, because Goddess knows that I can't make my own decisions!  Of course, she took it upon herself to answer for me with a serious expression on her face, like I didn't know what I was talking about, or was purposely starving myself!   I was shocked, a bit embarrassed, and a little angry, but let it go.  I didn't make a big deal of it, but decided to be more quiet with my issues when around them. 

I'm pregnant people, not disabled!  I'm a big girl, now, I think I can handle myself.  Thank you!  It makes me glad that I waited until I was in my 5 month before I told people.  Sheesh!  If I need help, I'll let yall know, but until then, I'm an grown ass woman.  I got this.


Every week I'm able to feel more and more movement, though not consistent.  And I'm beginning to be able to tell movement from gas cramps.

This week, it's gas cramps, which start up in my chest and back, then disappear, only to reappear in my lower area hours later.  UGH.  Heartburn more prominent, too.  I'm trying to refrain from taking antacids, instead drinking warm milk with some honey.  Lower back pain is a bitch this week, too, but mostly comes on if I've been laying or laying up awkwardly.  My girls are aching again.  No leakage...yet. 

Of course, I've still got them growin pains, though now they don't seem as painful.  Course maybe I'm getting used to them....even the random jolts.  And other random ass pains...

Last night, hubby joked, "Look, you even walk like a pregnant women now."   Which I correct, "You mean that waddle."

And discharge!

And with the wonderful cool weather, I've had the windows open more (love that fresh air) which is upsetting my allergies, and 2 out of 10 sneezes, I'm trickling o bit of pee.  Acne has returned this week, but my hair and nails have never been more wonderful.  I can barely keep up with it.  My hair grows fast anyway, and now it's even harder to keep up with.  Now I have to come up with stronger methods for bunning so locks aren't hanging out of my veils. As far as my nails, I believe last night's thought was, Damn, didn't I just cut these last week?!

Right now, I can feel Little Wren moving....a lot!  I get that bubbling sensation that some mom's describe it as.  It's cool.  It's a boiling feeling, without the gas. 

As of late, not only is the stomach getting larger and some clothes are getting tighter, but the tummy is hanging out more and more.  And I don't care, thank you apathetic mood swings!   Though, when I'm outside, in public, I'm a bit more modest than that!  But in my house with the windows and door open, I could care less.  You gotta problem, look away! :-)

Okay, the stomach's rumbling, which means it's time to eat, before my stomach starts eating itself.  Blessings!


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