Thursday, August 23, 2012

Helping a Friend

A Pagan friend of mine is planning her baby shower.  Well, her and her mom, which I'll call Vi and Lady.  Though they don't quite know the gender of said baby, she's not too much into gender bias, especially with colors.  But her mom, on the other hand, is old fashioned, I guess one could say.  Not to mention, my friend is the only girl in her family, so her mom is super duper excited; totally wants to pimp the baby shower out with pink or blue.  Vi's going to let her mom have some fun with this pink and blue business, because she's the only girl, but as long as she's not walking into a completely pinked out palace fit for a stereotypical princess!

I suggested to Vi that she choose two colors, using pink or blue as purple and pink for a girl, and green and blue for a boy.  Plus, they go with the overall theme of the baby's room Vi has her eyes set on:  Girl and Boy.  Or to use any combination of those colors, as she'll be finding out the baby's gender early September. 

Vi hasn't run it passed Lady yet, but so far, she likes the idea.  Lady already has location, menu, date, and just about everything else already planned, which surprised both of us!  So of course, Vi's got other concerns, like having her step mom involved (making sure her feelings aren't hurt), invitations, theme, and other things.  This morning, she and I sat down and started planning for the baby shower too, doing things that perhaps Lady hasn't thought of yet. 

Neither of us have ever done a baby shower, though we've been to our share.  

First was party favors.  Being Pagan, Vi really wants some elements of her faith in this shower.  So one of her ideas was giving a Rose Quartz tumbled stone to each guest, with a little something about it, like it's connection to beauty, healing, and love and tying that in with family.  But not in such a way that will scare off the non-Pagans and Witches who'll be present.  Also not overloading it with too much religious stuff. 

Vi's also thinking about setting up a baby's altar at the party, but disguising it so people don't get freaked out.  Including things like the ultrasound, a candle, a letter to the child from the parents, a frame for the guests to sign, some flowers, and things that correspond to the due date and month.  As well as a statue of her Matron Goddess.  It's an altar that she already has set up in her home, sending protecting, good health, and love, and it doesn't look like the traditional altar or shrine.   But it's also very pretty with a lot of meaning!

Which brought up her next issue, Religion.  Some of her family are quite religious and she's worried that they'll, even though it's coming from a good place, she doesn't want any religious gifts.  She's afraid that some of them will try to influence her children with their own religious views, as many hold the belief of needing to "save" their loved ones.  Vi's told them that she's a Pagan and plans on having a Paganing for their child (which is like a Christianing); this obviously upset some of her family.  I had assured her to stand firm and tall; it's her child, not theirs.  Just talk to them.  If they don't want to listen and learn, it's their loss.  It's not her fault that they're choosing to put a religious wedge between themselves and her family. 

As she knows, I've dealt with my own drama concerning religion for my Handfasting.  So I've got some experience in dealing with large family drama and big events.  So I said to just write it down at the bottom of the invitation, if she's that worried: Please no religious gifts.  It's a suggestion and right now, she seems pretty happy with it.  But we'll see. 

Invitations and theme, we'll get to that when the gender is learned.

The next issue is her mom.  Lady is controlling, she and Vi both are.  It's amazing we're all friends, since we're all Aries....   And we do butt heads!  Her mom's got it all figured out...forgetting Vi's step mom and the godmother she's picked.  Her step mom's knows a great cake maker, and Vi really really wants a custom cake, but the problem is getting her mom to agree.  Plus it'll be a way that her step mom (who's childless, so this will be her own baby shower as a mother figure) can be part of the planning.  So I said, "Talk to your mother.  Remind her about your step mom's involvement."  I also told her to see if her step mom wanted to be in charge of the prizes and things, and let her BFF/child's godmother be in charge of the games. 

Planning can only go so far, as Vi needs to talk a lot of things out with her mom.  BUT at least we've hammered out some things.  And I've reminded her that by the time of the baby shower, she's going to be in her third trimester, she doesn't want a whole lot of responsibilities.  Let others help her.  Let others do this party for her.  It's a party for her and her child, she doesn't need to have a say in everything, except for making sure there's food there she can eat. 

Maybe it's because I'm controlling too, but I understand where she's coming from, in terms of not wanting a whole lot of religious things represented, but also wanted bits of her faith in this thing, or to be drowning in one stereotypical color.  AND wanting certain people to feel like they're a part of the festivities.

Vi and Lady will be talking this Saturday, so we'll see how that goes...


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